I can't understand: are my thoughts really me, or are they dictated to me by the body's biochemical processes?
A little over a year ago, I was hit by a severe existential crisis. It hit me hard. I have OCD, so anxiety has been with me all my life. But this year, she just squeezed all the juice out of me. I've sometimes thought about suicide before, but mostly out of scientific interest. But now this thought comes to me when I wake up in the morning and it's turned on in the background all day, every day. I'm already so tired of this. And I wonder if these are really my thoughts, or if I'm like a puppet in the hands of my neurotransmitters? And who I really am.
Kira, if we look at your question from the point of view of obsessive thoughts (OCD), then thoughts are very different: spontaneous, planned, alien, out of curiosity, insight, automatic, etc.
Therefore, here you need to figure out how to classify those obsessive fantasies that come to you in order to understand their nature.
Most often in OCD, obsessive thoughts are a consequence of the action of psychological defenses in a person. These defenses are designed to protect a person from unwanted experiences.
These defenses work by distorting our perception. In part, this helps to relieve anxiety. But if they are used for a long time, distorted perception can lead to the appearance of obsessive fantasies.
Learn more about the underlying causes of obsessive-compulsive thinking (OCD) in this video: https://youtu.be/Q2QSNSwKEoc
Therefore, biochemistry has nothing to do with it. It (biochemistry) is equally involved in any of our thought processes, providing the material side of this process.
Your problem is more psychological in nature.
This can be compared to a smartphone, where there is a tangible physical part (case, electronic boards, processor), and there is an intangible part (programs, applications, operating system).
Biochemistry is matter (iron), and psychological processes are programs. And in your question, it makes sense to configure the programs correctly so that everything works in the right way.