12 Answers

  1. To begin with, “catch” the dominant-the leading reason why you:

    a) they began to define themselves as “I am a very emotionally closed person”

    b) “it's hard for me to show my emotions”

    The reasons may be different. As a rule, this is a combination in which there is a hierarchy.

    Some of them are:

    • as a child, it was forbidden to express emotions through verbality, both one pole (don't be angry, don't be offended, don't get angry, don't shout, don't cry), and the other (don't yell with joy, etc.) and non-verbal (stand still, sit down immediately, stop jumping, jumping, stomping).

    I note that children are primarily and acutely responsive to nonverbal speech, because they do not have full-fledged speech tools for communicating and interacting with others/the world. This is well reflected in the small experiment “Stone Face”


    • at some point, the child realizes that his self-expression is dangerous for him, and this increases his anxiety: “what if they stop loving me like this/they won't like me/they'll turn their backs on me again/they'll leave me.”

    The fear of losing the object of love, inherent in nature (all children and young animals instinctively follow an adult significant individual in order to survive, because if you fall behind an adult – �will be eaten by a saber-toothed tiger or other predator) and it becomes dominant in circumstances where the child is accepted conditionally, in parts, like “this is how I like you”, and this is not. However, it is very difficult for a child to be different because of the physiological features of the maturation of the brain and nervous system, but nevertheless children try their best. All children want to be liked by adults, so they adapt to their expectations. This is easily noticed in any public place where there are children and parents.

    • It is possible that expressing emotions and feelings through verbality and nonverbality was not a value in your family and this played a role in shaping the family relationship scenario. The foundation for fueling your emotional life has not been created, so it is difficult for you to build your house from scratch.
    • On the one hand, parents/significant adults probably did not have the skills and resources to contain your emotions from the first day of your life. That is, parents could not accept your emotions/feelings (and before that, their parents could not realize this) and return them by transforming them in a form that is understandable for a child of a certain age. For example, the baby got scared and started to scream, mom comes osonwa clear that the child is frightened; the mother takes the child gently in his hands, pumping and comfort: “he is scared, it was just a repair of the neighbors, now mom will hug and kiss her palm, you kiss the cheek, nose and everything goes, mom's here, won't leave you… and let's look out the window, soon dad will come, and we will meet him together…here you are already happy, it's not scary anymore…”
    • pleasure( joy), sadness, fear, anger, disgust.A newborn at birth has 5 basic emotions: Starting from birth, each person expects and needs that his emotion is adequately perceived, because behind each emotion there is a certain need. By understanding the emotion of another, we can read the actual need of the person and suggest ways to meet it from our side. This is empathy, this is mutual understanding about which they talk a lot and do not understand what it is in reality.

    What should I do?

    1. Decide on psychotherapy with a qualified psychologist. During the maintenance process, the empty space will be filled with soil, on which it will be possible to build the house that you need.;
    2. Or get acquainted with scientific concepts and theories and try to independently understand the mechanisms of development of the emotional sphere of a person and child-parent relations, in which the leading role is played by feelings, emotions, and personal experience of the parent.:
    • The end of J. R. R. Tolkien's attachmentBowlby
    • Bion containerization concept
    • D. Winnicott's theory of object relations
    • read the book “Secret Support”by L. Petranovskaya
    • read Winnicott's books “small children and their mothers”, “We all come from our parents 'home”, ” The Child, family and the outside world.

    The road to knowing yourself and others lies only through the world of feelings and emotions. When we stop being children, we have the opportunity to find this main road.

  2. I would recommend such a method as: “Step by Step”

    If it is difficult for you to show emotions, then try to show them a little bit, step by step. So you will become more emotional.

  3. Well, first of all, learn to smile as if everyone around you is your friend. The main thing here is not to overdo it, it is better to first practice in front of the mirror, then – on the cashiers in the supermarket))). The general mood is read even if the person is wearing a mask.

    Those with whom you constantly have to contact, from time to time ask some harmless questions-such as where they bought such cool jeans and whether it seems to them that your general superiors are finally oborzelo))) People like it when their opinions and their lives are interesting.

    It is sometimes worth telling something about yourself-very briefly, just a few phrases – about a funny situation that was observed in the minibus, about how the heel fell off at the most inopportune time, about how they stuck in the phone and poured salt into the coffee instead of sugar))) Do not be afraid to appear more stupid than you are – a person who can laugh at his own mistake is not in danger.

    If you notice that a new employee or – I don't know how old you are-a fellow student is looking at you suspiciously, just wink at her and let her puzzle out how you feel about her and what you meant by that))).

    Here, of course, you need to have some tact, If you are not quite sure that they will listen to you, it is better to remain silent. Perhaps you should learn another smile – a slightly mysterious one. Yes, I remembered another trick. If you are afraid that your words will be ignored, speak as quietly as possible.

    All these tips apply mainly to women. As for men, apart from the fact that they like to show off and easily buy into compliments, I can't say anything specific. But if you manage to impress others with a calm, slightly reserved person, in general-this is probably the main thing-quite happy with life, able to laugh and gossip at the same time – it definitely won't hurt you.

  4. I don't know if you can swim or ride a two-wheeled bike, skateboard, or car. But you can treat these incompetents in two ways: either do nothing and avoid any independent trips and swims to deep places, or start learning anyway. So with emotions, you can learn to show them, both pleasant and unpleasant. The choice is yours

  5. If you yourself are not a particularly emotional person, you do not tend to talk loudly, wave your hands – then there is nothing wrong here. People are different. Another question is if you used to be fun and open, but after some event you closed down and began to feel indifferent to everything – then this is really a problem. Then you may need a shrink to adjust some things in your head. Because I've had a similar situation in my life. As a child, I was emotional, knew how to tell colorful stories, and I could make a whole show out of some extraordinary walk. But at some point I became very dry, lethargic, and lost myself. There were a lot of reasons for this, and one of them was the stupidest and aggressive suppression of emotions on the part of parents. I was told: “Sho are you happy, like a woman?” or “Sho are you smiling, like debil?” and so on. And then, years later, they started whining that here, I'm unemotional, not caring. Anyway, you'll never please them, I'll always be bad for them, which I've long since come to terms with. A shrink helped me feel these things, and now I'm somewhere in the middle in terms of empathy, between a child's level and a callous one. Screeching like a child is already undignified, but on the other hand, verbally I somehow began to express my feelings and thoughts a little more broadly. If this story reminds you of something from your life, it's wonderful. But this is only one of the options. You can add more details if you want

  6. I understand you very well, Kristina, because I was such a person myself and it was very difficult for me to show my emotions. Now I am still in the process of working on myself, it is a long, difficult, but very exciting way: to get to know myself, learn to understand myself, accept and love myself, learn to feel and understand other people's emotions, share and explain my emotions to others.

    I will recommend to you what helped and helps me:

    • To get started, watch this video series “Emotion Management Skill” (https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIjqXVLsr53Hss0aD-uwX4GFZGfadePvR) and Communication skills https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLIjqXVLsr53F8B7Z5AdQsup6Li9cNfnZv) on the YouTube channel of psychologist Yevgenia Streletskaya. Yevgenia has a very easy and clear presentation, everything fits very well in her head on the shelves. It would also be a good idea to watch her other videos on topics that will evoke a response from you when reading the titles.

    • Try reading articles and books on psychology. For example, these are: Alexander Sviyash “How to live without unnecessary worries”,” I want and will “Mikhail Labkovsky,” People who play games, games that people play” Eric Bern, “Body Language” Alan Pease,” Psychology of Emotions “Paul Ekman,” Five Languages of Love “Geri Chapman,” How to tame emotions. Self-control techniques from a professional psychologist ” Ruslan Zhukovets

    • Pay special attention to gestalt therapy. Because she:

    1) it helps to close the gestalt itself (an incomplete traumatic situation that prevents you from living freely “here and now” and, possibly, to express your emotions freely too) and release it from it

    2) teaches a person to exist in the moment, in the “here and now” mode, to live all emotions in the present tense and given conditions.

    If you realize that you should “dig” deeper in this direction, then you can try individual sessions with a specialist in gestalt therapy or participate in group trainings with practical games and exercises for groups. But keep in mind that this is a long process and a deep conscious work on yourself.

    • The most important thing is to try to communicate more with people, learn to listen and hear them, read their emotions and show your own, show sincere interest and empathy to people, ask them about what interests them, sympathize, show your emotional reaction and interest in the conversation (at least some-nod your head in agreement with their words, shake your head-they say, ayayay, ugukayte in agreement, raise your eyebrows in surprise, smile).
  7. Do you know the reason why it is difficult for you to express your emotions and feelings? I myself am like this, it is difficult for me to show complex emotions, which is why many people do not understand me. Why I don't respond to certain things. This advice may sound silly, but first try to smile in the mirror in the morning. After a little bit to go to your goal, be more open with people close to you. This is the only thing I can advise you to do-start smiling to yourself. It helps me sometimes.

  8. Interesting to be. Slowly watch your stealth. Perhaps it is still relevant in the world that surrounds you. Do not rush to open up in the midst of real danger. But even in an unknown and even friendly environment, it is better to open or open up gradually. Getting feedback on the skills of such an opening.

  9. You didn't explain what the problem is: that is, they did not write why you need to show emotions, why you want to show them, and how your difficulties in expressing emotions hinder you in life…

    And as they say-there is no problem, there is no solution…)

    In general, emotional closeness is a good prerequisite for a number of classes: for example, you can go to scouts…))

  10. I think so you must first accept yourself with all the minuses and pluses and love yourself with all your heart, and then gradually open up in life and communicate with people what they would not be you must be a strong person so that life could not break yourself!

  11. Poker face – up to the classic “deadpan Indian” – is a plus in almost all situations.� Well, yes, with ba… sex – it will be more difficult.� And they will continue to demand it… well, organize this case on the sly so that no dog dares to demand anything from you – even outside of work!

  12. You know, for the first time I hear that someone is not liked because they don't want to show their emotions . I'm sorry, but have you identified the exact cause ? I knew one girl and sometimes it was a little upset by her coldness, but there was no such thing as “not to love” directly .

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