4 Answers

  1. There are many areas of psychology and personal work styles. What you will get, what result-it is worth asking a specific psychologist.�

    For example, I tell clients at the beginning of a meeting that I can give them an outside view. (Yes, maybe advice, maybe good questions; I can literally take you outside and practice communication techniques, I can try to establish a dialogue between loved ones, etc . – But exactly from all this list, the guaranteed minimum is a view from the outside).

    And – that in some cases it is useful for the client. Some of them don't.

    In a sense, any work with a psychologist, if he is a professional, is your joint experiment. Not above you, but together.�

    Well, choose a psychologist – still only through getting started. Even the best word-of-mouth recommendations don't guarantee that you'll be right for each other. Although they give you a very good chance.

  2. Well, what will happen? Either you will continue working with this psychologist, or you will go looking for another psychologist, or you will be disappointed in psychologists in principle. I don't see the fourth option, no matter how many times I've looked for it.

    The third option is not worth using, because finding your own specialist, indeed, may not work out the first time. A lot depends on your intellectual level, psychological characteristics, and life experience – how much it correlates with all the same things that a psychologist has.�

    For example, neophytes are more likely to go to female psychologists, because they think that they will be more comfortable there (the maternal archetype works).�

    Those who have already worked with psychologists begin to pay attention not so much to their gender and the comfort they radiate, but to the algorithms of their work-whether it helps or not. Psychology is the verbalization and comprehension of problems. If the psychologist encourages you to talk through your problem, comprehend it, and overcome it , the effect will be there. If it doesn't work, think about it. Scratching the back of your Ego in a cozy atmosphere for your own money can be months and years, it's up to you )

  3. No way, just by talking to him in person. Try a session or two, it's normal that you can not get along with him – psychologists are also people.

    A good psychologist will help you understand yourself. They won't solve your problem, advise you, or tell you who you are or what you want. It can only help you look inside yourself and find out what the cause of your feelings is. Find the strength to cope with something.�

    Just if you feel that you are ready to open up to this person, that you have established contact with them and trust them, you can continue the sessions. If you feel tight and insecure, find another psychologist.

  4. A psychologist will not give you ratings and rule your life. Ideally.

    That is, for example, our parents need us to be successful and happy not only because they wish us well, but also (and maybe first of all) because their self-esteem as parents depends on it. If our lives are wasted, so will theirs. Therefore, when they worry about us, they worry about themselves, and this fear turns off the mind and prevents us from adequately evaluating our actions and advising (or refraining from intrusive advice).�

    The same applies to spouses and loved ones. The more strongly a person is connected to us, the more his fate depends on ours, the less adequate he is as an adviser and the more difficult it is for him to give us support.

    And a psychologist is a person who, in a good way, doesn't care what happens to us. Yes, of course, his professional reputation depends on the well-being of his clients, but still this is not the degree of dependence that occurs in family-related relationships. Or even if they are friendly and professional.

    In addition, most people are prone to negative-evaluative thinking. They have clear ideas about how “it is necessary” and what a person “should”do. And, if a person gets out of line, he is labeled as an egoist, weak-willed, loser, or something else. A classic example is that 90% of people will say that if a man drinks (does not work), then he is weak in character (egoist, lazy), and not because he has a spiritual and existential crisis. Psychologists are trained not to think in such crudely evaluative categories. 90% of people, after listening to your situation, will actively advise (or even directly press) what to do, say what they would do in your place. And if you refuse to do what they advise you to do, they will explain to you that you are bad, or even take offense. A psychologist will not give ratings and will help you make your own decision. But this, again, is ideal.

    Regarding practical recommendations, I would not advise going to a psychologist who, at the first conversation, will “see” your situation with a trained eye and “understand “everything about you, because he “has already had 1000 people like you”. Although, someone needs just such a psychologist and it's easier not to figure it out yourself, but just to be told, like a voice from Heaven, ” do this and everything will be fine.” But I personally don't like this kind of therapy.�

    In general, psychologists are very different and their methods are the same. And you need to choose your own. Working with a psychologist is a form of deep relationship. There may be a good specialist who personally does not suit you “in terms of energy”, and another specialist without particularly fancy regalia will be exactly yours. It's like a friendship. A normal person does not choose the coolest person as a friend, but simply “their” person. Although there are people. which are basically friends only with the “coolest” ones, but this in itself is a deviation.

    In my experience, a super-expensive and popular psychologist is not always the best. And often it's just show-offs to attract narrow-minded people with money and inferiority complexes. But still, it is not superfluous to look at the regalia – where he studied and where he works, what diplomas and certificates he has. But personally, I met stupid psychologists after Moscow State University (although to some, of course, they did not seem stupid).

    And you don't have to expect much from one meeting. The first meeting is usually just enough to get to know each other. A psychologist is not a holy sage who will immediately see through you and make an internal revolution in you with a single phrase. The maximum that one meeting can give is not to bring you out of a very difficult state for a long time (for example, they will dissuade you from committing suicide). But solving all internal problems in one conversation is just as impossible as building up muscles in one workout, or learning a foreign language in one lesson. Our character and inner world is a set of knowledge and skills that have been developed over the years. And in order to change something seriously, it takes years (at least months) again.

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