7 Answers

  1. In the strict sense, it is impossible to forget something (some scientists are not sure that we can forget anything at all, it is assumed that it just becomes very difficult for us to remember it), but it is possible to make this memory perceived as ordinary, like everyone else, and integrate it into your experience. If we look at painful memories from a scientific point of view, their painfulness is supported by two factors: misinterpretation (the memory triggers unrealistically negative automatic thoughts and negative beliefs) and avoidance (people tend to try to suppress these memories or distract from them).

    Accordingly, the methods described in other comments, as a rule, only aggravate the pain of the memory. In order: attempting to think of something increase the frequency of floating it in mind (it is shown experimentally, you can Google thought suppression); limit provoking a memory of the stimulus leads to the fact that you have to avoid very large variety of situations, which will continue to grow, and in the case of occurrence of all the memories it will be even more painful (avoidant behavior in survivors of acute stress is also described many times); attempts to escape, as one might assume, too, does not help and only increase the pain of the memories.

    Simply discussing and analyzing a traumatic experience reduces its painfulness in the short run, but it doesn't change anything in the long run, because a person without training cannot identify the cognitive processes that make a memory painful and effectively change them (this is Googled by the phenomena of rumination, belief perseverance, and confirmation bias). Accordingly, people tend, by default, to reinforce their interpretation of events during such discussions, which supports the painfulness of the memory.

    There are two real solutions, and each of them is problematic to apply just by reading the advice on the Internet, because they require some training: one can be taken from trauma-focused cognitive behavioral therapy (TF-CBT), the other – desensitization and processing by eye movement (DPDG). Both are based on a modification of the belief that is activated when a person remembers the experience.�

    To do this, you actually need to identify the belief. You can do this by using the downhill technique, consistently asking the question about what this situation means and what (what) you were in this situation. Usually the result looks like “I'm bad”, “I'm weak”,” No one likes me ” etc. To make sure that you have reached a basic belief, you can ask yourself “What does (for example)mean to me?” be bad.” If the answer looks like ” Nothing. Just I'm bad”, then you're on the spot. It is very difficult or impossible to go down below.

    DPDG suggests that you can change your emotional response simply by remembering an incident from your childhood and thinking about the exact opposite of a negative belief. This is the most mechanical way, in which the difficulty lies in the fact that you need to endure a gap in which you will have very little faith in a positive belief.

    TF-CBT involves a more sophisticated procedure – modification of interpretation. Approximate plan:
    1. Determine what is meant by a negative belief and what is meant by its alternative. What behavior corresponds to each of them.
    2. Evaluate how much you believe that that situation indicates that <insert name of negative belief>; how much you believe that that situation indicates that <insert name of negative belief><insert name of alternative>.
    3. List the evidence supporting both beliefs.
    4. Criticize the evidence in favor of a negative belief and look for additional evidence in favor of a positive one.
    5. Evaluate your faith in each of them.

    Distress from a memory decreases when it becomes associated with positive beliefs. After that, if you avoid certain situations in which you recalled that incident from your childhood , it would be useful for you to try to face them and control your beliefs, remind yourself of counterarguments against the negative and arguments in favor of the positive.

    In general, such therapy can be expected to reduce the frequency of painful memories and negative emotional reactions to them. It is assumed that the therapy was successful if you can remember that episode without discomfort. As you can guess from their web of text, this is a non-trivial task for independent work and it can be complicated by three factors – I can't explain all the details here and, accordingly, it is very easy to get confused about what to do and why to do it; I have an idea of how the painfulness of your memories is maintained, but I still lack important details; it can be difficult to analyze beliefs on your own, without the help of a therapist, because you have lived with them all your life, they seem familiar and very plausible to you – finding refutations for them yourself can be a non-trivial task.

    You can try what I described here. You can download the guide to cognitive behavioral therapy and look for details there. If you are familiar with English, you can Google something like PTSD cognitive model and PTSD cbt treatment to see more information there. Or, alternatively, you can contact a specialist, and use what I wrote here as guidelines for your expectations about what will happen in therapy. Good luck solving the problem 🙂

    P.S. By referring to PTSD, I do not mean that you meet the criteria for PTSD, but painful memories are one of the symptoms of PTSD and, accordingly, therapy techniques for this disorder can be useful for you.

  2. Never remember probably not.. But just don't think about it – yes. If this moment occurs, immediately start thinking about something else, then switch to the 2nd topic and switch to the 3rd.. After thirds, you can't even remember what you were originally thinking. It is also better not to write at all and not to talk about what you don't want to remember.

  3. Isn't it easier to relive this moment and learn from it? If you are interested in how to survive that is, effective techniques in NLP, and if the injury is very severe, I would recommend contacting a psychotherapist, because self-correction will be difficult and may lead to undesirable complications.

  4. Yes, there are such ways. A good psychologist does this – helps to make sure that traumatic experiences are lived, completed and left in the background.

  5. yes. but you can't do it yourself. experienced professionals – whether in psychology or hypnosis – can put up “barriers” to specific memories. you yourself can only try not to remember them, but with a strong impulse related to what happened, the brain will give you pictures from memory

  6. in fact, there are certain techniques and techniques for forgetting unpleasant sensations that cause certain memories. I'll tell you about the technique that helped me. you need to imagine that you are on the beach and draw an unpleasant situation that happened to you, in all the details on the wet sand. then you need to move away from the drawing and watch it wash away in waves.

  7. You probably won't really forget it. But if you are talking about a memory that still “controls” you (affects your mood, makes you feel uncomfortable, or even does something stupid), it is advisable to subject the memory to a detailed calm analysis (preferably with a psychologist or a person you trust) – this will help you better understand yourself and your sensitive “buttons”. If you succeed , the tension will subside and over time this memory, having lost its colors, may fail altogether. However, we must admit that in the case of serious mental injuries, this is unlikely and at best you will be able to muffle your reactions.

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