8 Answers

  1. Your “like” refers, most likely, to sexual or erotic attraction, to the action of the reproductive instinct. The stem structures of your brain, the” lizard brain ” responsible for instinctive behavior, want offspring from this subject.

    And “unpleasant” in terms of behavior, habits and personality traits is the work of the neocortex, the rational brain, our latest installation )

    There is also the limbic system and the amygdala, which are responsible for emotions. How this “emotional brain” of yours works is not clear in this case. Perhaps in both directions: �some emotions evoked by the subject are positive, others are opposite.

    In addition, a person can clearly embody a certain archetype that is significant to you. For example, to look almost like the prince you dreamed of from 13 to 18 ) Or be like your father, if your father is dear to you. In this case, you simply project your expectations on it, endow it with features from your fantasies.

    In coaching, I help you understand these nuances in detail, because they directly affect how you build a comfortable relationship – so come on in.

  2. Here it would be better to ask the question in some other way that brings you closer to understanding yourself.
    Or do not dig into yourself at all, but run away from such people.
    Many of us have such a pathological craving for unpleasant things. Usually, such people in their childhood had someone close to them who constantly hurt, insulted, and at the same time took care of and fed them. And the child's body adapts to this pain as unpleasant, but necessary for survival.
    Psychologists can call this an “open gestalt” when you want to take such a person by the button, and still prove to him that you are good, and did not deserve such an attitude … such a childhood!. And as you prove it, it seems that this will close the gestalt.
    If you repeatedly climb a cactus, choosing an aggressor (or narcissist) for your husband, then you should think about it and then start digging in your head.

  3. The fact is that any person has two independent decision-making centers, each of which solves its own problems.�

    The first center is our Reptilian brain, which is estimated by neurophysiologists to be 2 million years old. Он It ensures our survival and продолжение procreation.�

    If you are attracted to a man, it means that the Reptilian brain, through a survival Instinct, has chosen this man as the object of your love. But he failed to create a very strong love that puts “rose-colored glasses”on a person and he sees only dignity in the chosen one.�

    Most likely, you have a fairly clear control over the processes taking place in you and do not allow yourself to go into a state of strong love, that is, a complete loss of control over yourself.

    The second control center for us is our New brain, the Neocortex, which neuroscientists give as only 40,000 years old. These are our two hemispheres of the brain.

    The left hemisphere is responsible for our rationality, analysis, control, forecasting the future, and so on. �This is our Mind.

    Usually, when a person is very much in love, they become overexcited, and the ability of the Mind to control the situation disappears. � But you seem to have a functioning mind, and you are able to assess the real strengths and weaknesses of your chosen one. � That is, you do not have a total crush, and it is unlikely to appear.�

    Most likely, you would like to get rid of this unnecessary infatuation. �This is not difficult to do. �This technique is called “Anti-love”. You need to select 5-7 flaws in your man, and start repeating them to yourself all the time, literally savoring them.�

    This information will reach the Reptilian brain, and it will realize that it made a mistake in choosing your “prince”. � And turns off falling in love. This may require a week or two of continuous work with the reception at any free time.

  4. This can be explained by the mechanism of disgust. This defensive response was given to us by nature so that we could recognize what is not useful for the body. And now about love and disgust.

    There is an idea that love is the most complete and unconditional acceptance of another person. The idea is beautiful, but hardly viable. Even a mother who loves her child can experience the whole gamut of feelings over time – both irritation for the fact that the baby does not allow sleep, and disgust for bowel movements, and anger for painful bites… What can we say about two adults who are not so closely related? � �

    It would be necessary to be wary if there is no aversion to obviously unpleasant and uncomfortable things. This is a signal of breaking one's own boundaries and suppressing disgust, which often occurs out of fear of losing a loved object.�

    Disgust is always a detector of what is not good for you. For example, if you don't like the morning smell from your lover's mouth, then this is normal. The detector? Yes, this is a signal that you should brush your teeth before kissing. Fortunately, there are a lot of moments in living together that are solved by observing hygiene standards.�

    If you are uncomfortable with how your lover communicates with others, then this is also a signal: perhaps this is your reaction to excessive aggression, disrespect or deceit, and your psyche includes a defense mechanism (because in a close relationship, these personal qualities of the partner and you will not be spared). Pay attention to these points and try to analyze what exactly is unpleasant for you. Perhaps you should listen to the signals of your own mind and body.

  5. Just like a person only externally. The behavior causes rejection. There is such a thing when a person's type is liked, but the “content” of his soul is not, it is not accepted.

  6. Behavior, habits, and personality traits are unpleasant… Consider it the whole person. What do you like then? What's left? Physical appeal, I guess. Is it a physical attraction when you write “I like him”? If so, then there seems to be a strong attraction, a liking for the way a person looks, and the “inner” fullness seems completely inappropriate. And there is a dissonance: I also like him, as his habits and behavior, and personal qualities are so unpleasant to me. Is there anything you can do about it that won't be unpleasant? For example, explain it to yourself.))) That's how it happens.) Well, that is, in order to admire him, have sex with him, he seems to be a suitable candidate, but to, for example, do something with him together (go for a walk, discuss movies, plans, etc.), and even more so to solve something together (creating relationships, families, having children), there are probably already a lot of concerns about him.

  7. The borders are too blurred. With like it is more or less clear. But unpleasant…. with such a range from habits to personal characteristics… Need some specifics!)))

  8. Since you have already identified the qualities that are unpleasant to you, now after observing, try to understand what you still like about him. Maybe you are only satisfied with the physiological parameters, but as a person he is not your option at all.

    Take a piece of paper, divide it into two parts, in one column indicate what you are crazy about, in the second column indicate the disadvantages. This will create a general image that will make it easier to navigate this issue.

    In general, it is difficult to answer exactly this question when you do not know all the specific nuances.

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