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Egoists do not need each other as individuals, they see each other only as means for the realization of their egoism. But at the same time, every egoist wants to be the center of the life of others, and he cannot bear the very idea that for others he himself is nothing more than such a means.
There is only one way out – don't be selfish. Then, first, it becomes easier to perceive the indifference and consumer attitude of others. And secondly, and this is probably the main thing, then you can infect others with your unselfishness.
People are born with human dignity, with the right to respect, and they are simply not lost. But the need is always the result of efforts (for example, the efforts of your parents over themselves to need you), there is no right to be needed, it must be earned by your actions. You will have to become the right person.
Such questions arise in an existential crisis, reinforced by alienation from society. I think that to overcome this crisis, you need to surround yourself with friends, establish relationships with colleagues at work, maybe join some other groups outside of work, some hobby clubs, etc. And the better your relationships are with your friends, with people in teams, the more you will be needed, not to the same extent as your closest relatives, but still.
Often, your parents don't need you either. This also happens. You just need to understand that, alas, no one has to love you, no matter how strange it may sound. It is very difficult to accept, understand, realize, but it is necessary to live on. Loneliness is a difficult thing, but it must be accepted in order not to”break”. Otherwise, for example, a breakup with a loved one can cause depression, or even suicide.
I'm sorry, but the inner feeling of not being needed by others is already from the field of good savory psychology. This disease occurs from a lack of love in childhood or in youth.�
A person does not need anyone to find, say, happiness. Because only this very individual knows that in his understanding there is happiness. No one, not a single soul in the world is able to present this very happiness of his own to another on a platter. Speaking about the need and uselessness, thus a person calls for help-come, people, make me happy. After all, you need me or need me.
Even parents, future children, and possibly brothers may not need you on the same day (or in turn). No, no, don't get me wrong, I don't want you to do this, I don't consider everyone around me “scum and scum”, and I'm not trying to catch up with a pessimistic mood. But this is how the real world works, that both the mother and son and the whole family can turn away, betray, deceive. And not always because you did something bad to them (in your opinion or in general). It's just life, and anything can happen. Even death. Therefore, reasonable moderate selfishness is the most optimal psychological attitude. For an egoist, the world will never collapse – even if everyone abandons him or all his relatives die. The egoist will never be lost, because he is with himself to the very end in any case,and therefore puts first.
The search for an answer begins with a question: first understand what exactly you are asking in order to understand what the real problem is. That is, you need to move not forward, in search of an answer to the question, but back, in search of a clue to the appearance of the question.�
When completed, introspection will reveal what is behind the question – no longer the question, but the need behind it. And the need is the answer.�
In your case, I would start the analysis by finding out what exactly is meant by being needed by someone.
It makes sense to ask the question: on what basis can someone need someone? There are many reasons for this. If you really want to be needed by others, then why not be needed by them? There are several ways to do this:
1) You can start a family and have children. Raise them in a place of love and understanding. They will need you, and they will love and appreciate you.
2) You can be a good friend to others-respect and appreciate them, help them in difficult situations. Real friends will love and appreciate you.
3) You can help people in hospices, orphanages, churches, and others for free or for a small amount of money, and do it sincerely. A lot of people will need you.
The main thing is that you need others, this is the most important thing. And then for you there will be no such question whether you are needed by anyone.
You don't have to accept it – it's not the whole truth, it's just a part of it.�
I have already repeated many times here a saying of Jewish religious sages:
Rejecting his spiritual side, rejecting his higher origin and higher destiny, identifying himself with a developed ape, a person condemns himself to a lower life, to a life of unbelief, cynicism, selfishness, etc., where only lower interests exist and such concepts as love, friendship, brotherhood, community are leveled, and instead there is a war of all against all. I repeat once again that this is not a version of the whole Life, but only of the lower life:
Spohler: I'm drunk, but I'm on my way out. First response to Ze Hu drunk. The experience is curious about this, I decided to write an answer anyway.
Honestly, what the fuck makes you think no one wants you? Why are you just blind and can't see the whole vast world in a tiny”cockroach”?
Even if (probability 0.000000000000000000000000000 huyard of zeros and at the end 1%) so what? Seriously!
I am probably a very corrupt Christian, but I came to the conclusion that every person, even if he was born a genius or a disabled personhomelessdoomed to the fact that he will not even see the light and will be aborted. Every person has come into the world and owes nothing to anyone, not even to God. Man must be self-sufficient for himself, otherwise he is an animal. Don't people accept you? Don't give a fuck! Centuries will pass m b your property, if you created it more sincerely, will still be understood, accepted and listened to. My subjective stupid opinion. Live, not exist, you refuse to evaluate? Whatever, rot your line in spite of it. I think this is correct, at least you are not lying internally. For some, it may look stupid and naive, but in fact, shit from the highest tower of the sky and on our communisms and on their capitalisms.
Silently. You've already taken one step – you've realized that no one really needs you, except for some relatives. And if you take it even more truthfully, then apart from yourself, no one really needs you at all) Just accept it. This is how life works and how society functions. People play roles and render services to each other-friendly, loving, business, commercial, etc. These are all services. As long as you're useful , you're needed. In the same way, you need other people only when they can at least give you something valuable. Just like that, no one needs anyone. But people like to invent something romanticized for themselves, and then stumble over it all their lives, creating unnecessary problems ,getting into depression, etc. And all that is needed is to accept this reality, to realize it, not to run away from it, trying to disguise and invent some ephemeral necessity, to love yourself truly, to count only on yourself in the first place and live for yourself. Then you will become a self-sufficient and conscious person who, by and large, no one can offend. After all, most of our problems and depressions are due to misconceptions and expectations from society. If you immediately accept everything as it is, without rose-colored glasses, and work on yourself and for yourself, then everything will fall into place)
Hello.
You have been given many excellent answers. I can only add that I have always lived with the understanding “No one needs a person by himself and will not need him. People need something specific from a person: their skills, their knowledge, their energy, their attention, their support, their understanding.” And it's not just normal, it's the right thing to do.
A person is evaluated based on the results of their life activity. Not by the way he was born. It is by their work that they deserve respect, attention, recognition, and payment for their work.
The most important thing is that you need yourself. And be generous. Don't be afraid to help others without expecting anything in return.
This is difficult to accept, because a person as a social being always needs approval, even when he claims otherwise. Of course, there can't be a simple answer to this survey, because this is both a problem of self-acceptance and a problem of accepting others. It seems to me that the only way out of this is to avoid looking at oneself as a social animal and translating it into oneself and one's own sense of suffering. Here I understand suffering not so much in the form of direct physical pain, but rather in the form of any feeling of dissatisfaction, that is, in the form of Buddhist dukha (and even the gods are subject to it) . Actually, the formula “life is suffering” is obvious to everyone, not just Buddhists. A person is born suffering and dies suffering. And it seems to me that if you shift the focus of your attention from social communication exclusively to observation, then you will see all the illusory nature of this need/uselessness. And then you can look from the outside at your own suffering and the suffering of others and just feel sorry for all these unfortunate people, naturally including yourself, as one of the most senseless and stupid 🙂 (I'm here more about myself than about you) and just feel sorry for them all, as if mentally pat on the head, that's how Rublev in Tarkovsky's film stroked the head of a young guy who made a bell on a whim. I'm not going to preach Buddhism here, but there is a kind of meditation called metta. Here it is just about that. And, as it seems to me, if such an attitude is developed, the problem of necessity/uselessness will go to the second or third plan. And in the end, people will need you very much, as a kind, understanding, ready to help and just a wise person. And it's worth a lot! 🙂
Try to think about what you mean by the word You or I. What qualities of your Self do you think can be necessary or unnecessary?
Personality is a process. It is not a precious stone or an ingot of gold that can rise or fall in value on the stock exchange. What people usually understand by their Self is a set of some acquired stereotypes of the worldview, some lived and considered personal experience. Observe how I am constantly changing in the process of life, losing some qualities and acquiring new ones.
I am made up of parts. These are material parts; parts that provide perception; parts that provide emotional responses to perception; parts that form the will; and parts that ensure the preservation of experience and knowledge. All these parts form a kind of construction, manifesting new qualities in connection and forming consciousness.
When you go to the store for a cake, you need a cake as a set of elements, and not a separate sponge cake, a separate cream, a separate sugar and a separate cherry. The desired qualities of the cake are revealed to you only when these elements work together.
Therefore, if you feel that a loved one is moving away from you, try to observe what your quality is changing. Because of this, your former integrity has disappeared, and a new Self has appeared in its place. To do this, it is useful to communicate with your loved ones more often and ask them about their feelings, their attitude to you, and their expectations from you. This way you can find out how close your life positions are. Do you still want the same thing? Whether you perceive the world in a similar way or in different ways already.
There are a lot of people living in the world. If you don't consciously isolate yourself from people, then finding someone with similar views on the world and interests is not as difficult as it seems. If you share with another person his grief and his joy in life-this is your need for each other.