7 Answers

  1. I think this: your husband loved you and he would sincerely want you to be happy. When people love us, that's what they want. And they are willing to forgive. Do you forgive your loved ones when they repent? So why would he hold a grudge, why wouldn't he forgive that? Every adequate person understands that we all make mistakes and the main thing is to admit the mistake. You acknowledged, you worked on it, super. You've already done a lot, but you're just a person who doesn't always know what to do. And he would have understood and forgiven you, of course. Do something kind in honor of him that you think is proportionate to your offense, then the energy will come into balance

  2. It wasn't said that your husband accused you. In the comments, you said that you can't forgive yourself (unspoken words, imperfect actions). If your husband didn't blame you, he won't be able to forgive you. You have blamed yourself-at yourself and seek forgiveness.

    But you said you couldn't forgive. Then there is only one way – to drop the charges against yourself, to stop blaming. If you have previously convicted yourself and punished yourself with torment, now it is time to release the falsely accused.

    We blame ourselves as long as we remain the person who committed those acts (criminal acts or omissions). If we have changed, become a different person, then the connection with the accusation disappears. I'm different, I'm innocent. The other is someone who will not commit such acts.

    The whole point is to really become different, not to be punished. The point is not to suffer. We mistakenly think that suffering will change us, make us different. Suffering only causes pain, but it doesn't change us.

    How to become different, how to change-that's the main question! First you want it (many people don't want it), then you believe that it is possible. And start acting-in a different way. And then look at yourself and don't recognize it. Then you will realize that night has turned to day. How does night turn to day? The earth is moving! Changes occur gradually, continuously – even when it is still dark, do not stop moving.

  3. If the psychologist did not help, then you need to go to a psychiatrist. Especially if the negative feelings do not weaken at all for a long time or even increase. I do not think that any such psychological problems can be solved by some speculative exercises, willpower, positive thoughts, etc. – sometimes you need medical treatment.

  4. No way. And it's sad, but it's not the end of life.

    Try this:

    1. Try other techniques with your psychologist besides acting out the dialogue. Understand that there is a lot of mental inertia and if the problem is not at the cognitive level, it will probably take more than one session for you to notice improvements. There may even be periods of deterioration, because during periods of mental restructuring, an imbalance may occur.

    2. Try the placement technique with an experienced placement therapist who works with topics of grief, loss, and family. It might help.

    3. Understand that with the loss of loved ones, stressful events, a person tends to blame himself for what happened, even if it was not his fault. This is a good evolutionary acquisition, as it makes you think about how to make sure that this does not happen, but under unpredictable circumstances it serves a bad service, since no conclusions can be drawn to prevent this in the future and the mechanism continues to work, exhausting the person. The person blames himself for this event and for other unfavorable events that continue to occur around him. This is probably called PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder), but I can't say for sure. There are psychotherapists who work with this type of person. Contact them.

    4. Most likely, you will need regular sessions with a therapist for the first time. You mention that the effect of the confession was short-lived. Regular sessions can help you stay afloat most of the time, until remission occurs, after which the frequency of meetings can probably be reduced.

    5. Try to switch your attention from feeling guilty to feeling grateful for past moments. If you catch yourself thinking about guilt, remember what you are grateful for, remember what was good, grieve that this person will no longer be with you. If it is difficult to bear such memories, give up this technique.

    6. In difficult moments, do not fail to use the lines of free psychological assistance. It is better to find out these phone numbers in advance and write them down in contacts in your phone. If possible, find round-the-clock phone numbers. In large cities, there are 24-hour emergency psychological assistance lines.

    7. Find a psychotherapist – this is a psychiatrist with a specialization in psychology. A psychiatrist can prescribe medications that can improve your condition, if there is an appropriate diagnosis. Sometimes feelings can occur not only because of situations, but also because of various processes occurring with the body, disorders, or, conversely, remissions. If you need an example , the memory of pain during childbirth is overshadowed by the subsequent prolactin-oxytocin period that occurs after childbirth to ensure lactation, feeding and caring for the child. It can be sedatives, stress-relieving drugs, antidepressants, etc. Many people are afraid of going to psychiatrists – do not be afraid of this, psychiatry has gone far ahead, plus fears about punitive psychiatry in your case do not apply.

    8. Visit your doctor, explain the situation, and you may be prescribed a TSH test (T3, T4) – do it. Follow your doctor's recommendations.

    9. It would be nice to pass a test for vitamins magnesium, b6, d3. A deficiency of these substances (and a deficiency of d3, for example, is just a scourge of the middle zone and megacities) against the background of stress provokes a slide into depression. Many people take magnesium + b6 and d3 (preferably in an oil solution – vigantol) without taking tests and feel better. Be sure to check the contraindications in the instructions. If you start taking it and you feel better-know that this is only the physical part. Remember that you also need to cure the psychological one – do not refuse visits to a therapist against the background of improvement, if this happens.

  5. Deceased loved ones there forgive us, and do not hold grudges. They are already in another world, looking after us and helping us. Visit him, talk to him. He doesn't want you to suffer, and most likely gives signs, but you just don't recognize them. In the next world, people don't hold grudges.�

  6. Write him letters while you have something to say. Then write yourself a letter on his behalf. He probably forgave you a long time ago. You don't forgive yourself.

  7. In order for the soul to begin to obey, you need to put the body in order. Only in certain states is such internal work possible. Purification will be the ground for this. On the other hand, you need to cherish the image that everyone in the world is responsible only for themselves, that everyone makes mistakes. The evil is not to commit them, but to repeat them despite the deplorable experience. Time, outside help, all this will lead to healing. You need to accept God, the concept of love, to get out of the matrix of suffering.

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