26 Answers

  1. I think that here you should pay attention to those speech characteristics that cannot be controlled. Exactly:

    1. Intonation pattern. In Russian, descending intonation is most often used, but often, starting to justify themselves, people get lost in the descending-ascending type of intonation. Such peculiar “intonation swings” are a marker of uncertainty and can manifest themselves unconsciously.

    2. Speech rate. Speeding up the pace of speech also signals that a person does not fully believe in their words, tends to pronounce them faster than usual. It should be remembered that the indicator of uncertainty is precisely a change in the usual pace, and not a fast pace as a common characteristic of speech.

    3. An expression of uncertainty. Listen carefully to the introductory words: usually a person's mental state is expressed in them. Apparently, probably, most likely, maybe-all these are indicators of doubt in their own words.

    4. Increase the speech volume. Another indicator that cannot be controlled. Of course, this does not always signal a person's lack of confidence, but in any case, a sudden change in the volume of speech characterizes an unstable mental state of a person.

    5. Gestures and gaze. Closed postures, rhythmic swaying of the leg, excessively direct gaze/look to the side-all this signals the inner anxiety of the interlocutor. But here each person is unique, it would be good to know his normal state in order to understand exactly what changes have occurred.

  2. You can't mistake low self-esteem, because in the speech and demeanor of such people, there is a desire, let's say, to demonstrate the depth of their fall – especially in self-deprecating jokes where there is no respect for yourself.

    Low self-esteem most often has two effects: a person is neurotically trying to elevate himself or herself and belittle others. It doesn't look natural, because deep down, he doesn't think he's any better, so he's masking himself, so you might consider this behavior self – defense against your own demons.

  3. The question is interesting and complex. To fully answer this question, you need to conduct research. In the future, I plan to do this) In the meantime, what came to mind offhand:

    1. Excuses. They were already mentioned in another answer. Some people are very fond of making excuses, and even without obvious reasons. They can interpret any phrase of the interlocutor as a complaint or criticism and begin to defend themselves and protect themselves. It often feels like making excuses to yourself.

    2. Derogatory language in your address. Some people constantly make fun of themselves and call themselves names. This is done ostensibly as a joke, but when there is a lot of it, it looks like a manifestation of low self-esteem. Girls from various “forever losing weight” or” bodypositive “communities call their thighs the word “thighs”, and instead of the word “eat” they use only the word “eat”. And some people are full of jokes in the style of “another brilliant idea came to my bad head” , etc. When self-irony is almost the only way to present yourself, I think it's worth thinking about.

    3. Projections. Very often, people like to attribute their thoughts to others. All these “society believes”, “most people think”, “everyone hates”, etc. – this is an example of projection. If you mentally cut off the reference to an imaginary being, you can find out what a person thinks about himself. “Society believes that being a single mother means a second-class woman!” (of course, this is not what “society” thinks, but guess who). “Yes, the whole world hates us Russians and considers us cattle” (instead of “I”, it is easier to say “the whole world”).

  4. Everything I have to say about low self-esteem is based on my experience with one such person who clearly shows signs of low self-esteem. My communication with this person does not last long, but I can already identify these signs, because they are very prominent. I would even say bulging.

    1. Often apologizes for no apparent reason. “Sorry, I stepped on your foot” and ” Sorry, I'm so angry today, I'm frowning, I'm sorry (with a guilty face)” are two different things.

    2. Excuses. “I can't go to the movies with you today, my mom is sick, I'm sorry. I need to go to the pharmacy and I'll be with her all day. Are you not offended?”

    Pancake. Why should I be offended?

    1. Constantly clarifies the level of self-interest. It's just infuriating!

    “Hooray, we're going to the movies! You're talking to me, are you really interested in me?”

    Well, yes, I would communicate with a person who is not interesting to me…

    1. Manipulating attention to yourself through pity.

    “I feel so bad, no one communicates with me, I'm alone. But you're with me, and it feels so good!”

    Ai yai yai. If I had a higher self-esteem, I would be bolder and make friends if I wanted to.

    I don't like such people.

    I always try to tell the other person something pleasant when communicating. I tell people that they are beautiful, that this shirt suits them. At work, I praise my colleagues so that they know how great they are. And I rarely lie about it. People like it, and I like it too))

    But when you communicate with a person who has a lower self-esteem than the baseboard, you have to do it all the time. But such a person does not enjoy compliments and praise. He's always looking for a catch, he asks me again, and I spend the extra effort to confirm and say it again….

    After that, the desire to communicate disappears, especially if the person is not distinguished by intelligence.

    If such a person has sufficient intelligence, then you can work on this if you want. And if the intelligence is not particularly… I'm sorry, but I have to go. Goodbye.

  5. When to answer the questions ” Why?” and “Why?” the person responds, starting with “Just me..” or something similar. He begins to justify himself immediately, even if the question is neutral and does not carry any assessment of his actions.

  6. Self-esteem depends on who a person communicates with : if he understands that he is an amateur among experts on this issue, that is, he adequately assesses the situation, then nothing prevents him from not hiding it by choosing vocabulary and intonation. At the same time, personal self-esteem can be high. They say I'm very good at a lot of other things.
    So don't jump to conclusions. And someone can pretend to be a rag in order to outwit the interlocutors and at the right moment lay out a crushing argument. And celebrate your celebration.
    Of course, not only cunning people surround us, and we will always meet people “by their clothes”.

  7. I think first of all increased argumentation in phrases and demanding of new contacts, i.e. I see the situation exactly the opposite than most others. Both low and high self-esteem constantly create problematic situations in communication, only high self-esteem often caused aggression and because of this experience, the skill of extremely polite and outwardly neutral type of conversation is acquired at the first communication, and low self-esteem often led to failures, deceptions, humiliations and developed the skill to insist on your own even when it is not necessary. With relatives or dependent people, of course, the expected pattern may appear, but in society it is usually the opposite.

  8. I don't know about other people, but I can speak for myself as a person with low self-esteem. It was already mentioned above that such people often justify themselves. This usually comes from the fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed. For example, if someone laughs at me on one topic at least once, and the next time I will try to be more silent and not attract attention. Also, such people are often reserved, not talkative (because they are afraid to say something wrong). They can wind themselves up, about appearance, character, mind, and anything else! I, for example, can burst into tears in ten minutes of such thoughts. They use expressions such as “it seems”, “if I'm not mistaken”, “probably”, “most likely”, etc. in dialogs, so that if something happens, they can calmly say “I told you that” it's possible!”, not 100%”. A person with such self-esteem may stutter or just stumble in the middle of the very first word. Such a vicious circle: you are afraid of being ridiculed – you try to speak confidently – you can't pronounce the simplest word out of fear – you are afraid of being ridiculed even more. Sometimes a person with low self-esteem is characterized by perfectionism, ” because God forbid I do something wrong and everyone will look at me and laugh, laugh, laugh!”. And in general, it is very difficult for such people, because they doubt literally everything.

  9. Low self-esteem is always a fear of others who are a priori “better and stronger” and can “severely punish” if anything happens.

    Hence-slurred, monotonous or with unnatural intonations, clamped-deaf (boo-boo-boo) speech-a person is subconsciously afraid that they will hear him and pay close attention.

    In conversation, he tries not to promote his ideas, but to adapt to the interlocutor, and this is not the so-called “adjustment” a la Carnegie in order to gain trust, but again, the fear of angering and “making an enemy”.

  10. You do not need to build something out of yourself that you do not correspond to at all, but be yourself with all the disadvantages and privileges. After all, the social environment still puts its own glare on all of us. I want to add to the above, Uncertainty sooner or later becomes noticeable to others. This makes us feel so vulnerable that we end up really exposing our weaknesses and becoming vulnerable.

  11. All, absolutely all other answers are wrong. There, low self-esteem is confused with delicacy. Which, in turn, more often accompanies an absolutely normal psyche than deviations.

    In fact, low self-esteem requires constant compensation through the “omission” of others. Low self-esteem is a constant aggression and attempts to show someone their superiority. Here in the previous answer, some sheep is happy that they were rude in the pharmacy demanding only a patch for themselves – this is exactly what it is: a normal person does not make a feat out of going to the pharmacy – he just buys a patch and immediately forgets about it, and the schmuck sees in the unresponsive and uncomplaining saleswoman a reason to assert himself at her expense.�

    What is remarkable is that this behavior of schmucks resembles the behavior of daffodils, but at the same time, it is difficult to confuse them. A teenage narcissus girl has literally one squire friend in her class, which is enough for her to confirm her status, and she either accepts signs of attention from the rest, or simply ignores them. She does not build relationships with guys, preferring to use fans-schmucks who do everything for her on their own initiative and do not require any return costs. Arrogance is natural and effortless for her. A teenage schmuck girl also tries to be arrogant and create some kind of environment around herself from friends and fans, but she has to make a lot of effort for this and in fact her whole life consists of these efforts. A schmuck, unlike a narcissist, is always duplicitous. Well, etc.

  12. For �experience noticed that �such people
    say hush, and they are very easy interrupt
    – refer to the authorities or other people
    laugh inappropriately
    – flatter others for no apparent reason
    – say, something completely opposite
    – visibly nervous if you have to speak
    constantly silent in company, and listen to others or add a little comment (not a fact, but often)

  13. It should be borne in mind that low self-esteem (as, indeed, and high, and everything else) in a person by 80% “gives” not the language and vocabulary, but non-verbal signs: facial expressions, gestures, posture, breathing, gaze, timbre and tempo of speech, etc.

    Language in general, as Chomsky and many others rightly pointed out, is an extremely unreliable tool as a means of communication) �

    Although some conclusions can be drawn from the vocabulary and manner of word use.

    For example, low self-esteem may be indicated by the habit of using the phrases” It seems to me”, “In my opinion”, “I may be wrong, of course, but…”, etc.�

    To an adequate person, even without these turns, it is obvious that everything that he can say (or hear from another) is nothing more than an opinion in which, yes, you can still be wrong) �

    But even these turns do not always indicate low self-esteem. Sometimes they simply play the role of a “politeness figure” (i.e., they are pronounced not because the speaker is doubtful, but because he wants to give the impression of politeness, which is often required). Sometimes it's just a form of irony )

  14. This is an incredibly interesting question. I have also noticed for myself that excessive desire for arguments, when you aggressively try to prove your case, even in small things where it would be easier to give in, can indicate low self – esteem in a more sophisticated, unconscious form.�

    At first glance, it seems that at such moments the situation is reversed, and you are looking at a person with increased self-esteem. But not everything is so simple, why would you be so worried in this case? It's easier to say to your opponent, “Okay, you're right,” and think to yourself: “Here is an uneducated ignoramus.”�

    It's all about increased anxiety, or rather, why they show it. I think such excessive persistence and aggressiveness is connected with the desire to prove your superiority to your opponent, and through him to yourself: “Look, I'm better than you and I understand the question better!” What is the source of energy for such a strong desire to dominate?�

    It seems to me that only the initial feeling of inferiority and low self-esteem, in their hidden forms, can generate such a strong desire to prove to everyone around you that you are the smartest and always right.

  15. Each culture, social group, and historical epoch has its own ideal behavioral patterns/archetypes, certain lifestyles, and social attitudes. For example, post-Soviet Russians like to “show off”, demonstrating their level of access to consumption and power resources (the topic is well played by V. Pelevin). This is a game, a symbolic ritual action that hides the Apollonian hierarchical mind. (Thus, in this act, it is not a person who acts (to the question of…), but that symbolic instance (matrix) that is installed on the body in the process of socialization) Anyone who cannot adequately parry the challenge of “pontorez” (with even more resources/symbolic capital), ” finds himself in a difficult situation: we must try to get out of it, saving “face”. A strategy is chosen and the individual's well-being and self-esteem depends on the success of its implementation. You've played the part well-well done, and the heights of the Mithraic-Babylonian religion of money and power may lie ahead of you. �Played poorly – lied unsuccessfully, was confused, closed in on himself, fell silent, blushed, dumbfounded, got drunk, ran away, etc. etc. � – showed his low self-esteem, lack of care and the presence of false consciousness. The same Pelevin offers Buddhism as a recipe to break out of the vicious circle of mutual hatred, injustice, utilitarianism: “you should die today, and I will die tomorrow.” There was still such a Christ, but he was expunged, his teaching was replaced by fascist pro-imperial Mithraism. On the way to personal perfection, you would have to find the strength of mind and form a correct picture of the world, learn to sympathize with those who try to offend you, thereby demonstrating their inferiority and the heavy burden of the experience gained on the way to success (imaginary success). These are the basics. All other comments are just additions.

  16. If the author implies a pejorative attitude towards himself and an ingratiating manner of speech, then it is not how they do not give out, most often, this is the game of one actor. In general, self-esteem, the concept is subjective and for whom it is self-esteem and for someone who evaluates a person from the outside, besides, it is very changeable, helped a person, passed the exam, and self-esteem may even be inflated, did not call in the evening favorite and self-esteem dropped. Previous commentators mostly write about neurosis, one of the symptoms of which is low self-esteem. In general, vocabulary and speech patterns are not sufficient to determine low self-esteem.

  17. Speech is always a way to convey information, make an impression, and play an image. That is why, since it is functional and solves a certain task, it is impossible to judge a person's self-esteem by it. You will be deceived and taken advantage of.

  18. E �yes I'm just passing by �sorry if that's not �straight into the subject�

    this is such a Kung Fu to appear simpler, weaker ” and “knock out” the footstool from under the feet of “the opponent who has turned up his nose” . Well, �in some cases, � so e don't yawn … and �where is that border and then �zabronzovesh, голуб pigeons will shit �they love everything �a sort of monumental sublime. Yes, pigeons can not explain to them about the greatness and importance of the moment…

  19. People with high self-esteem often seem rude, because they speak directly, frankly, i.e. “in the forehead”. They also talk only to themselves. For example: they say “I don't like it/I hate it/I'm annoyed that you don't clean up after yourself.” Instead of “you're a jerk because you don't clean up after yourself.” They don't say” it seems to me”, because they don't think a damn thing, as they say it seems-be baptized! Amplifying adverbs like crazy, scary, etc. for example,” I love her terribly ” are also psychologists refer to the vocabulary of insecure people.

    Real-life example:

    I used to go to the pharmacy and say, ” Can you tell me if you have validol?”, “you can please have 2 packs of ascorbic acid” and I said it in such a small voice pipipipi, as if the mouse is scratching. Recently, I flew into a pharmacy and said ” Hello. Give me a Band-aid” and to be honest, I was a little offigela from such an unusual sharpness for myself… But the soul was somehow easier, more confident that))))

  20. Low self-esteem is when a person puts (evaluates) himself a mental three or even two and does not pretend to be more. For example, he knows that his appearance is on the C grade, and puts up with it. Or he understands that he is not a genius, but also not a complete fool – and again he humbles himself, does not stick out in arguments and in group communication, afraid that his opinion will seem stupid, because he knows that he is on the C grade in intelligence. Such people are afraid to speak out, do not” stick out”, rarely take risks, constantly doubt their abilities to do something-and, of course, they do not do it or do it badly, which will be followed by a logical failure. A person knows in advance that he is stupid and clumsy, and does not trust himself, so he “knows his place” and all these proverbs about “cricket” and “pole”. Such people are usually modest and feel guilty for forcing others to deal with such” threefold ” excrement.

  21. I noticed that insecure people, when they find themselves in a comfortable environment, start a story or try to make a joke with so many details that it becomes boring and tedious to listen. The audience or listener must be super loyal to such people in order to listen to all their details with interesting content.

  22. For example, if a person with normal self-esteem says:
    “Nice weather today!�

    Then a person with low self-esteem will say:
    “Nice weather today! Isn't that right? Or don't you think so? I'm sorry about the weather, did I offend you in any way? Are you upset that you have some bad memories associated with” good weather”? What a fool I am, always bothering everyone with my weather, damn me!! Do you want me to correct my stupidity somehow, do you want me to sleep with you, or do you want me to wash the car? If you don't want to, well, of course, my mother was right when she said that I was a worthless piece of shit and I was just getting in everyone's way.

  23. I often try to conduct an aggressive dialogue when there is no desire to speak, I try to discourage the desire to enter into a dialogue with me, I use obscene words, words the meaning of which the interlocutor most likely does not know, I speak either very loudly or very quietly

  24. Oh, it's very simple. The most obvious thing is when a person criticizes others, especially in their absence. In general, there can be a lot of signs that give out low self-esteem, since there are also a lot of degrees of this mental disorder. In a sense, this quality is inherent in all people.

    In fact, low self-esteem, most often – this is elementary laziness. I recently answered a question about how to get rid of self-loathing: https://thequestion.ru/questions/156464/kak-izbavitsya-ot-otvrasheniya-k-sebe

    And this is exactly what it is – one of the extreme degrees of this ailment. Therefore, I recommend that you also read this question.

    Good luck.

  25. How many interesting things have I just read and not a single answer mentions manipulation! It is more likely to assess a person's self-esteem not by talking, but by behavior, because often speech tools serve only to relieve themselves of responsibility for an action, utterance, or for example are manipulation, but do not indicate self-esteem in any way. Such cases….

    The problem is that often adults who have mastered speech manipulation do it unconsciously, and all these excuses, self-criticism, and so on, “serve a specific purpose” – to win a person over… Who doesn't like to feel superior to the other person? Many people use it, I assure you! …

    When I give lectures to students, being in a higher status than them, I often make fun of myself or my life, but of course I am absolutely confident in myself, just in this way they open up to feedback.�

    If you really need to determine a person's self-esteem, then it is better to provoke them and see how confidently they defend their point of view in a topic KNOWN to them. =)�

    Well, as a remark: Watch your loved ones, understand them, you can't measure them all on the same scale, and sometimes the most confident person at first glance can be on the verge of tragedy…

  26. A person with low self-esteem often uses the non-binding phrase “as if” when talking, for fear of making a mistake in judgment. If they don't know or understand something, they prefer not to ask the narrator any clarifying questions, for fear of appearing stupid in their opinion. If you see that the other person seems to agree with you, but can't add or refute anything, most likely they are not in the topic, but they don't want to admit it, so as not to look incompetent.

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