5 Answers

  1. As I can assume from your question, after breaking up with your loved one, the part that allowed you to be a better version of yourself than you are now without this person is gone. Most likely, you received a large amount of motivation and resources. But, unfortunately, people often leave our lives. After that, you have to reassemble yourself piece by piece. This is very painful, but, alas, naturally. Because you invested, felt, hoped, and most importantly, didn't want to stop. It doesn't happen all at once.

    What can you do now and on your own? What to do with the gaping hole inside?

    Focus on what you're feeling right now. Allow yourself to experience it fully. Most likely it will hurt, very much. But allow yourself to feel. It is very important.�

    Give vent to your emotions. Maybe you want to curl up and cry, but you are a big and strong man/strong-willed woman and your idea of yourself does not allow this? Score and curl up, hit the pillow, dishes, walls, shout. Let your emotions out. Burn it out.�

    Then you can try to analyze what is happening. Take a pen and paper and write. Remember what happened in your life before meeting this person. What was good and bad. What happened in your vazim relations? What did you do that you didn't do before meeting the person? What gave you the strength to be whole?�

    Describe what is happening to you right now. What have you always wanted to do, but couldn't for some reason? What do you want to see in the future?�

    Now there is a lot of pain and the horizon with a landmark visible somewhere is blocked up. But perhaps you can now channel your emotions into something that will serve as a support.

    Don't hesitate to talk about what's happening to you. The path of finding yourself anew is very difficult, but you will definitely succeed.�

    However, if you feel that you do not have enough strength, be sure to consult a psychologist. It will help you work through your loss. Good luck!

  2. If your condition depends on the presence or presence of a certain person in it, then we are not talking about self-sufficiency. YOU have spent your entire life relying on the presence of this person in your life and have never been yourself. The departure of a person may mean that the time has come when it's time for you to stand on your own two feet.

    Self-sufficiency is a state where you don't need the support of another person for your existence, on the contrary, you are ready to become an oprah for someone who needs oprah

  3. You can become self-sufficient at any time when you have made a decision about it.

    This is not due to the fact that someone is not in your life, or someone is in it.

    If you are self-sufficient, but someone important has come to you, won't that make you less self-sufficient?

    To become self-sufficient, you need to develop the qualities of an adult. First of all, responsibility for yourself, for your choices, for your decisions and actions.

    The search for another person as a necessity is connected with the fact that the person still lingered somewhere in the child's perception of life. It seems to him that he can't do it alone, he needs a “parent”. Or the one who will replace the parent.

  4. I understood the question of self-sufficiency as a question of how to do now what used to bring you pleasure with another person.

    And what did you do, what did you do in the presence of this person? Maybe you went for walks, talked with friends, paid attention to how you look? Resuming what you did before can help you become more active, even if you're not in a relationship. Your family and friends can help you maintain this activity if you contact them.�

    But if you are experiencing difficulties or for some other reason can not start doing something that previously brought you pleasure, then you can contact a psychologist who would help you in behavioral activation.

  5. The mind is a network of connections. External phenomena in this network are fixed as sections, small networks inside a large one. The more often the signal passes through this area, the stronger the connections become, the more significant and important this phenomenon is for the mind. Imagine an ocean, and somewhere in the depths there is a network of underground channels and caves. Different currents flow through these caves. It's like the mind. When there is a strong current, it passes through some channels and expands them. If it leaks for a long time, it leaves a noticeable mark. If the current disappears, the channels will remain. There is a discrepancy between reality and the mind, a certain vacuum and discomfort because of this. Therefore, when graphomaniacs in an emotional outburst write bad poems about the fact that: “you've left scars on my soul,” that's kind of true. These are really scars in the form of synaptic connections, which are the cause of disturbing activity of the mind. It is as if a part was removed from an electronic device and this empty space sparkled. It would seem that everything is gone, it's forever! But no. In the absence of a signal passing through the connections, these connections are thinned back. If the current disappears, the channels will eventually become overgrown and narrow. Of course, some of the deepest traces remain, but the surface ones will be restored.

    Так как это процесс небыстрый и индивидуальный, нужно на время восстановления переключить ум. Не пытаться заполнять пустоты, расковыривать царапины, а настраивать свой ум на реальность. Видеть мир таким, какой он есть. Учиться жить в согласии с внешним миром. Учиться быть гибким — пропускать сквозь ум сильные течения и сохранять при этом целостность и контроль. Для этого нужно осознать свободу своего ума. Понять, что в мире нет ни одной вещи, которая бы уничтожила способность человека свободно мыслить. Есть мешающие свободе вещи, но от любой из них человек способен отказаться в пользу своего счастья. Для этого полезно задумываться о том, что является причиной желаний. Какие желания полезны и своевременны, а какие вредны. От вредного отказываться, а полезное взращивать. Полезно помнить, что счастье состоит из обычных вещей. Здоровье, достаток, покой, творчество, обучение новому, общение, работа и отдых — вот элементы из которых можно построить счастье.

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