4 Answers

  1. As a rule, we remember what causes emotions. You write that there are no feelings, but the pain remains. Pain is also a feeling. If you want to survive it, look for the roots of the problem, what exactly attracted you to this person, what was so painful in the past. What is your pain about now?

    It is important to be aware of these feelings and express them, such as speaking them out. You may need more than one conversation.

    Move the image of your loved one to the past and think of them as the past. You live in the present. What makes you happy now? Are you happy with your life? What's missing?

  2. In general, usually, time erases the memory, weakens the colors of memories. But sometimes the memory of a person has the character of an obsession. Obsession is always rooted in inner distortion, unmet needs. In addition, there is a fear that that person was the best, and others will not be like that. This is an unhealthy belief. The world always opens another door when it closes one. But you need to be vigilant!

  3. What I say may be very unpleasant and hurtful. Nothing personal, please accept all of the following just as a different opinion (which is the case).

    You take pleasure in suffering. So you can't forget. You just like tormenting yourself, clinging to any even the tiniest reminder of that person. You get a kick out of indulging in bad memories. This masochistic process happens unconsciously, and you get a lack of emotions that could have been obtained in a safer, healthier way. Why am I so calm about making such a judgment? Because you write: “Occasionally I cross paths with her in one way or another, and then my memory begins to remember….” � What do people who set themselves the task of losing weight do? Quit smoking? Learn to play the guitar? They act: they sign up for the gym, follow a diet, are marked in calendars, attend support groups, sign up for lessons, etc. If the task is really valuable, if the desire is really great, then the person always puts some effort and performs actions on the way to the chosen goal. You won't be able to forget the person who flashes under your nose. You have only two ways out of the situation: move/change your job/change your walking route/place of residence/in general, remove this girl from your sight FOREVER. At least until you get stronger inside.�

    Your relationship never happened. You came up with an image, an ideal, and believed in it. And in your head, everything can and can't happen. The safest thing to do is just fantasize. The girl gave you to understand that there is no reciprocity on her part. all. Accept her decision with respect. This is not your man. Stop beating against a closed wall and wasting your precious time on one-sided relationships that don't bring joy. If you can't stop seeing her, then the only thing you can do is accept her. Fully embrace your emotions, feelings, and thoughts and learn not to attach too much importance to them. As soon as her image appears, catch yourself on this feeling, but try not to emotionally delve into it. Like “appeared and appeared, lifted up already, but let it hang”.

    There is a practice that is especially effective in the first stages: write letters to this girl. You don't have to give them to her. Just take a pen and sheets of paper at home, and write absolutely everything that you think about this situation, about this girl, what you miss, what you are sorry for, and so on. Write until you run out of thoughts. You can write a little bit every night, or you can write out everything in one day. And then… burn it all. Tear it up, throw it away, in general – get rid of this cargo. Your brain will start to relax and your soul will become easier.

    About your ” Wrong decisions that are still embarrassing.”perhaps it will make you feel better if you accept the truth that everything you did in the past, you did because of the circumstances back then. You did this precisely because you thought it was the right thing to do in those particular moments, and you just couldn't do it any other way. This is now, when time has passed, and your actions have turned into an experience, it seems to you that you did something wrong. There is no “right” or “wrong”in this life. There are norms of behavior established by society, the law, and other conditions for living in society, but each person has their own personal “good/bad” attitudes. So stop beating yourself up for the past. Draw conclusions and try not to do the same things in the future if you think they are wrong.�

    And one last bittersweet thing. You didn't love. You were in love, but your dreams did not come true, this, alas, happens in life. But true love never brings suffering. Even if it is one-sided, it still brings joy to the one who loves, because the person who truly loves does not demand anything in return. Love is humility, full acceptance of someone else's will. You demand (again, perhaps unconsciously), because you are waiting for / have been waiting for feelings in return, and the lack of response brings you suffering. You still can not 100% accept her refusal, accept it, and therefore experience pain. All the people in our lives are given to us to grow. Perhaps this girl appeared in your story precisely so that you reevaluate your concepts of love. One-sided relationships are unhealthy relationships, and you need to get out of them. And the emotions that you lack, and which you replace with suffering, you can get in sports: as they say: “In a healthy body – a healthy mind.” You will start to feel physically better, and gradually the pain in your head will start to go away. It will be difficult at first, but then you will get a taste. The main thing is to choose a sport that is interesting for you and give yourself to it as much as possible. �

    You have only one life. Don't waste it on people who don't appreciate you. I wish you one day to meet mutual love (and it will definitely happen).

    Sincerely yours, IMHO.

  4. Just think-loved. “Liked” is a big “liked”. I liked it because I wanted to. And I didn't feel like it anymore. But something doesn't let go… And then you realize that you are stuck in a situation: inside the non-binding “liked” there was an uninvited force that got to your most important unconscious goal, got in and imposed such a deep definition of your own essence that you cannot redefine with your mind. At first, I just wanted romance, but the abyss, as they say, looked at you. Now you can no longer roll back to the free limited version of “Ya”, and they ask for a soul for the full version of “Ya”. What is there to “forget” – you have found and lost most of yourself, and you want to allocate all the memory.

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