8 Answers

  1. I'm learning it myself. It's cool that you have such a question.

    Our freedom ends where the freedom of the other begins: we can do much, if not everything.�

    First, practice – the more often you go beyond the usual or “correct”, the easier it is for you. The brain stops perceiving it as something dangerous.

    Second, remind yourself more often that it's not up to other people to live your life. They can say anything, but they always judge only from their own position, interests, and inner world. And sometimes even out of bad intentions – you missed the moment, didn't achieve something, and now they stop you (the bucket of crabs theory). In general, the bottom line is that people around you do not always advise you something out of good intentions.

    Third, you can go to several consultations with a good psychologist, your doubts and fears may have roots from childhood. The regression method, for example, quickly works out this problem.�

    So write yourself a list of what you want. Turn off the voice of the internal critic, the opinion of others, and so on. Sit down and think. You can start practicing morning pages (when the stream of consciousness is recorded in the morning without editing).

    Also, read the stories of inspiring people. How many of them were criticized? How many times have they been told that “this is wrong”?

  2. What does “wrong”mean to you?

    For me, “wrong” is when I cause direct harm to others by my actions. Everything else is “correct”.

    And to do what you want, you don't need anything other than to follow that desire.

    If I want to go out for a walk, what should I do? I already want it; all I have to do is resist the urge and follow it.

    If you want to, then take it and do it. And if you have to force yourself, it is better to find what you want to do without compulsion.

  3. First you need to know “what you want”. If this is all right, then the next step is to identify your resources and understand what will help you in implementing “I want” and what is not and what is still missing for full implementation. Next, you need to make a plan for the first and subsequent steps in achieving your goals. Oh, yes, I forgot to mention that you need to specify your desires so that they are clear, understandable, measurable, fit into your life, etc., that is, they are specific and achievable. When you know what you want, you have a goal and a plan of action, then why can it be “not right”? In my opinion, everything is correct here. Do you agree?

  4. Why contrast it ?

    It is quite possible to do what you want and at the same time understand that this is not right.

    You have the right to make such a choice and there are no restrictions. There are reactions of others to your behavior, causes and consequences, but this does not limit your choice, but simply actualizes your sense of wholeness within yourself.

    Integrity means the absence of contradictions. The rules are designed for management purposes.�

    The best option is when after trying all the ways you choose your own, right or wrong, it does not matter. Who cares what it's called, the main thing is that it's yours.

    1. What do you want?

    2. Are you sure this is wrong?

    You see, if you want to draw, for example, but you don't have the technique and you draw incorrectly – this is one thing. And if you want to set fire to houses, for example, but you understand that this is wrong, then this is really wrong and illegal.

  5. Before you do anything significant, it always makes sense to think:)

    There is a saying: “If you are afraid, then don't do it. If you do, don't be afraid.” Or “when you take hold of the handle, don't say that you don't have a dozen”. The point is that in addition to INTEREST, there may be a certain NEED to do this something. You need to evaluate this need before doing it. Well, of course, if we are talking about something more than just playing the computer.

    All this is indirectly related to such a quality as WILL. If the forecast from achieving the result outweighs the difficulties of completing the task, then the case will be interesting. Will is the ability to overcome small difficulties in order to achieve greater results, with a favorable prognosis. For example: “learn to play the guitar, in order to seduce a girl.”�

    If you think that there is something wrong with doing something just for interest, then rather, there is no forecast of what you can get out of this business. What will be the result?

  6. Hello, Paul.

    1. You need to forget the words “right-wrong” and replace them with the words “effective-inefficient”. This applies to everything, morals, religion, law, techniques, collective, ethics. If you go to church and it is important for you to stay in your parish(this is the definition of the effectiveness of your actions), then do not violate the rules of the church. If you need to sign a contract (this is an indicator of performance) with a person who has a quirk about the culture of table behavior and you meet in a restaurant, then study and follow the rules for using cutlery and other rules. If the team has an internal ethics of behavior and you want to stay in this team, then follow the rules of ethics. Rules are not equal to correctness. For the sake of effectiveness of your actions, study and follow the rules in the area you need. But don't become a slave to these rules. Not everything needs to be observed, and sometimes, for efficiency, you need to change them.
    2. Determine exactly the results that you want to get in business (“what you want”).�
    3. Identify the activities, acquaintances, skills, and knowledge that you need to achieve the desired results.
    4. Write down a plan for achieving results in your “favorite” activities.
    5. Start executing what you have planned.
    6. Constantly analyze your performance and look for ways to improve it.
      Efficiency is the effectiveness of your actions in the process of achieving the goal.

    The fear of doing something “wrong” occurs when a person considers their effectiveness only in relation to the goal. And he forgets the indirect consequences of his actions. It is necessary not only to determine the goal (to get a position, jump with a parachute, take courses, etc.), but also to determine which secondary consequences are undesirable and which are acceptable. How your actions to achieve this goal will affect your relationships with different people, your career, your budget, other goals, your health, your family, and your full time. The effectiveness of actions is determined based not only on the implementation of the goal, but also on the prevention of undesirable indirect consequences and the development of desirable ones.

    Doing the right thing means living by someone else's rules. Rules are created to achieve a certain goal or maintain a certain state (system, society, company). If you strive to be right and do everything right, you will not be able to become effective. You are unique, your life is unique, and your results are unique. This means that you should create the rules for yourself. And change them when needed.

  7. Try changing it correctly-incorrectly to harmful-useful. To understand what is harmful and what is useful, you need to understand your dissatisfaction. That is, you need to observe your mind and clarify what things cause pain, suffering, displeasure, create serious problems, troubles. Not only for you, but also for the people around you. Often the reasons for these things are hatred, greed, and stupidity. If there are such obvious harmful things, then it is logical to abandon them in order to get rid of these problems.

    And vice versa. Things, phenomena, and desires that solve problems, eliminate pain, suffering, and trouble are useful. Often the reasons for these things are benevolence, generosity, wisdom. These things are interesting and exciting. Wanting these things is not only possible, but also useful.

    Everyone is free. If things, phenomena do not cause harm to anyone, then no one can forbid their use. If someone says that the case is wrong, you need to find out what specific harm is meant, what consequences. Sometimes people think in terms of stereotypes that eventually diverge from reality. The world is changing, old understandings about the world are preserved, and because of this, the world and ideas about it diverge. Therefore, you need to regularly correct your own and other people's stereotypes, if they clearly do not correspond to the changed world. To do this, you need to show, show for yourself and for others, what harm and what benefit arise from the case.

    You can also think about the reasons for your desires. Where do they come from? They don't come from the void. Something happens in life that causes a change in consciousness, which as a result gives out the corresponding desire. Therefore, it cannot be said that desire belongs only to the person himself, but there are also external reasons for desire. Sometimes, in order to neutralize harmful desires, it is enough to understand their external causes and simply keep them out of your mind. Conversely, in order to have useful desires, it is enough to look around and find something new that brings you closer to a sense of joy and happiness.

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