3 Answers

  1. First of all, you need to take into account that the “ideal” image of yourself is formed due to a number of circumstances. �

    1. The field surrounding it. A person who was raised by domineering and tough parents will think that the person should be the same and have no emotions. And vice versa.�

    You can also give a more trivial example. Adolescent alcoholism. If a student's peers drink without knowing the measure, then this is sad. A teenager can't stop himself from tasting the forbidden fruit. Also, in such an environment, there is a stereotype that alcohol increases the status among teenagers, allegedly, a teenager is considered more “successful” among his peers. A rather stupid, but not obsolete example.�

    1. Media space. No matter how much we resist it, no matter how much we run away from it, we are all consumers of mass culture products. Often, in films or books, there is a charismatic hero or character who attracts us with all his nature and we dreamed of being like him. We, to put it mildly, borrowed certain features of that character and attached those features to the image of the “ideal” self. Whether it's James Bond, Harry Potter, Tony Stark, etc.�

    In fact, there are a lot of these factors, but these are the main ones.

  2. a person thinks in images( pictures), images add up, multiply, hone, develop, and so the diversity of the world in which humanity exists increases. Each individual, group, or ethnic group extracts its own ideal images that are close to it for subsequent imitation and alignment with them.
    The world is a riddle, and therefore, since ancient times, man, trying to understand it, to unravel it, stimulated in himself a sense of imagination, representations, descriptions of the world and things of the world – this is how ideas, ideologies and with them these very ideals arise. Ideology (Greek: iδεολογία from iδέα “prototype, idea “+ λογος” word, reason, teaching”) is a set of systematic ordered views.

    An interesting fact recorded in the Bible: when the Creator, who revealed himself to the Israelites, gave them” explanations ” of Genesis, among other things, He told them not to make any image, not to create their own images, but instead to try to think about everything through His commandments, commands, and revelations. It is the “ideas of beauty”, of good and evil that are the factor that guides a person through life and it was important for the Creator that His people kept the right ideas.�

    38 speak to the Israelites and say to them, that they did themselves tassels on the edges of their garments throughout their generations, and brush on the edges, put strands of blue hair;
    39 and they will be in the hands you have to ensure that you, looking at them, and remember all the commandments of the Lord, and do them, and did not go after your heart and in your eyes, which cause you to fornication,
    (Numbers 15: 38.39)

  3. The image of the “ideal Self” is quite a psychologically harmful thing – at least the works of E. Fromm and K. Horney, as well as the teachings of Orthodox Christianity, prove this. The fact is that the approach of a person to some ideal should begin with praxis, with activity. And the concept of the “Ideal Self” is usually generated by mental trauma, lack. This is when a person literally forces himself, his Real Self, to strive for an ideal state that is completely unattainable in terms of mental resources. For example, a person who will “strive to become a saint” in Orthodox Christianity will not become a saint, even on the contrary, paradoxically, but saints in their lives usually consider themselves sincerely the greatest sinners. The path to the ideal very often lies through the denial of striving for the ideal in the mind and through a slow, gradual approach to it in activity. A person who has decided to “become a great mathematician” will do well if they then forget about what they have decided and focus on solving mathematical problems. A person who wants to “become a great general” studies battles and battles and learns to lead troops and obey commanders, that is, acts. A person with a stable “Perfect Self” inside begins to rape his psyche for the sake of the ideal – he sleeps little, eats little, worries a lot and the race for the ideal turns into a mania, after which he destroys his life. After all, even after reaching the state of “Ideal I”, I am not able to take advantage of my achievements.

    How does the “Ideal Self” arise? It occurs in the course of neurotic socialization of the individual in an attempt to compensate for the frustration of needs from improper upbringing. Then there is a division within the child into the “Ideal Self” (what I could be if I got rid of problems) and the “Real Self” (who I am), and a conflict arises between both. Usually, conflict resolution in the psyche is divided into three “paths”, K. Horney in her book “Neurosis and personal growth”, described these “paths” or “calls” as three different roads:

    1. The call of power is the desire to “conquer the world”. A child who constantly comes across the ignoring or dismissive attitude of parents, gradually begins to dream of becoming “the most” and then “they will pay attention to me.” Thus, the conflict between the” Ideal Self “and the” Real Self “in the child's mind is resolved in favor of the” Ideal Self”, self-aggrandizement, the” will to power”, the desire to” conquer others “in order to show the parents”I am worth something”. As part of the first path, the child tries to “merge” or “dissolve” into his “Ideal Self”. So there are three possible types of narcissist, perfectionist or” vindictive ” personality types that have problems in relationships with people around them. A narcissist is a person who strives for elevation by increasing demands on themselves. He constantly “Needs” to prove to others his ability to be higher. At the same time, he really sometimes achieves a lot, but is not able to relax and live happily. The perfectionist deifies the intellectual-sensual, abstract characteristics of the”Ideal Self”. He likes to see himself on a pedestal not because of any actions, but because of the supposedly inherent virtues of his mind, artistic taste, and so on. The “virtues” are naturally hyperbolized, and the world is rationalized. The perfectionist has difficulty getting things done because “if it's done badly, it's not worthy of me.” Finally, the” vindictive ” type of invader seeks to exalt the Ideal Self by humiliating the Self of other people, through intrigue, manipulation, and the search for enemies. There is no crime that the “vindictive” will not commit to reinforce the traits of self-identification with the ” Ideal Self “(given that he can get away with it, and these people are masters of camouflage and therefore often get away with it). But he is also the most unhappy of all, because in the pursuit of humiliating others, he often cannot attribute to himself any real achievements and he can only blame other people and circumstances.

    2. “The call of humility – an appeal to 'love'. The second type of response to frustration and distrust of the world, which is formed in childhood, is more typical for children who were taken care of and who did not feel free from their parents, older brothers/sisters or older relatives. In such children, the resolution of the conflict between the Ideal Self (which is usually formed by their overprotective parents) and the Real Self (which is usually weak, downtrodden, dependent) occurs not through exaltation and merging with the “Ideal Self”, but through identification with the dependent “Real Self”, and the “Ideal Self” is placed on an unattainable pedestal, alienated. Such people feel worthless, unnecessary, disenfranchised and justify it by saying that “we deserve it”. I would like to emphasize that they formed it not through asceticism and self-restraint, as in the case of saints, but through the belief that no one needs them in the first place. In Orthodoxy, this state is called “despondency” and is correctly associated with pride. People of the “humble type” are proud, because deep down they believe that their ideal is so high that no one can ever reach it, and they are proud of this ideal. As a result, they tend to overestimate others around them, other people who seem to them “perfect”, devoid of flaws and feel the need to depend on them. Often such people have the illusion of “liberating love”, that someone will love them and save them from their shortcomings, or that they will “love someone else” and create a downright perfect family. The problem is that even if they fall in love, they simply shift all the responsibility in the marriage to the partner, their love is not stable and not calm, because they do not feel worthy of love. They constantly question the feelings of the other (“well, she can't love a loser like Me” or “he can't stand a clumsy person like Me”) and this poisons even the happiest of their relationships. As a result, the “humble type” lives all his life in the shadow of the “Ideal Self”, which has crushed his “Real Self” and prevents him from freely and happily achieving his goals. In religion, the “humble type” often finds some comfort and relief from some of the worries, because in religion they are told that God loves everyone unconditionally. But the problem of the “humble” is precisely that he cannot fully believe that “God loves him”, because he does not consider himself worthy of love in his soul and therefore often attributes vengeful or cruel traits to God (this makes it easier for him to live, since God then acts not only as a loving Father, but also as an Executioner, and the humble needs an Executioner, he needs to feel crushed and humiliated). He also does not understand the calls of Christianity for “humility” and “repentance”, because what the “humble” calls humility is not in fact such. The “humility” of this type of personality is manifested in the fact that”well, I'm so bad and I'll never get better, so I won't change, unless I show outwardly submissive.”

    3. The call of Svoboda is “The solution to get away from problems”. The third possible choice of a child faced with an internal conflict between the demands of the “Ideal Self” (which is a response to the frustration of the need) and the Real Self is to ignore the conflict. A person of this type decides to “get away” from problems by aversion to any activity and by limiting desires. He seems to “dry up” himself, saving his psyche from conflict. At the same time, he prides himself on his “love of freedom” and “independence from others”, but the root of his independence is radical separation, alienation from others, from their needs and interests. It is difficult for him to find a mate, it is better for him to be alone. Unlike the aggressive personality type (which despises “love” as an illusion or weakness) or the” humble “personality type (which sees neurotic attachment to another as a great liberating love and overestimates any relationship), the” free “type simply treats love”neutrally”. He sees “love” as satisfying the need for closeness to others, a utilitarian function. That is, it is neither higher nor lower for him, it simply “is”. But in a relationship, he tries to avoid any signs of love, unconsciously ignoring intimacy in order to maintain detachment. Often he gets to know people, but then, getting closer to them, suddenly opening up – immediately breaks contact, because it reminds him of a forgotten and ignored internal conflict. Such people are also subject to “mental degradation” and may “run away” into addiction to alcohol, drugs, gambling or something else, but their addiction will not be like that of the “humble” type, often they will be able to easily get out of it, just as they entered.

    In short, it's all well described here – http://psylib.org.ua/books/hornk03/index.htm. By the way, K. Horney literally describes the formation of the” Ideal Self “as a metaphor for” a deal with the devil”, a person chooses to split his psyche into the” Ideal Self “and the” Real Self ” and thereby descends into the hell of his own self-contempt and self-abasement.

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