3 Answers

  1. There is such a science as neuroeconomics, which is also the neurobiology of decision-making. The most important insight I learned from studying it is that the brain is heterogeneous. That its different departments may want different things, that the notorious “internal conflict” is not a metaphor. Conventionally, the nucleus accumbens (known in popular publications as the “pleasure center”) he really wants to be with the object of your passion, and the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex considers this unrealistic/unecological/unprofitable, chooses the term “addiction” to describe feelings and encourages you to look for a way out, for example, asking random people on thequestion. This civil war is very exhausting.�

    Reconciliation seems to me the most promising strategy of struggle. In the sense that the dorsolateral prefrontal cortex provides the ability to make plans, and the nucleus accumbens provides motivation for their implementation. Your task is to convince yourself that happiness in your personal life is impossible now, because you do not have the appropriate skills and tools for this, but it will be possible in the future, when you level up and achieve a lot. Specific goal setting depends, on the one hand, on what you can do and what you can learn in principle, on the other hand, on what strengths the subject of your passion has and how you think you could impress him in the long run. The most powerful love addiction of my life, for example, led me to write a nonfiction book. The idea was, on the one hand, to impress the boy with the very fact of writing it, and on the other hand, to increase self-esteem and status and thereby become more bearable in personal communication with this boy. I overdid it a little: the book about why I'm such a fool and what biology has to do with it turned out to be interesting not only for the boy (I'm not sure he read it at all, to be honest, but at least he married me), but also for 45 thousand other people, not counting electronic sales and pirated downloads, and still continues to be

    And so in general, there can be a million options. You forbid yourself to communicate, and then make plans for how to initiate this communication. If the object of your passion is a runner, then you must also learn to run 20 kilometers in the hope of accidentally meeting him at a half marathon. If he is a science major, then you can go to graduate school in the same field (but at a different institute, of course), only to run into him quite accidentally in five years at a conference in a remote, beautiful exotic place. You can get a driver's license and earn a good car, so that you can drive past his work and pick him up one day, frozen, at a bus stop in December. You can earn money for an apartment, so that you have somewhere to bring him from this stop, if he agrees to coffee. And so on, and so on. The point of such plans is that they should be lengthy and time-consuming. Even if the main goal is not achieved, in the end you will be left with a good figure, a PhD, a car and an apartment-also not bad.

    And most importantly, you will have a good time. The good news is that any task really becomes much easier to solve after five years have passed since it was created. Or better yet, ten. Human life is very long. A lot of things can be done in time. Ten years from now, you'll accidentally bump into each other in a bar and say, “Did you actually know that I was terribly in love with you in 2018?” “Well, let's go.”

    It's true that it usually works like this, it's the best news you understand as you grow up. At twenty, life with a hopeless love seems hopeless in general. At thirty, you notice that you have a hopeless love, sigh, change your clothes and go running.

    Well, something must be done about it.

  2. There are contradictions in the previous answer, and very harmful advice is based only on personal successful experience (although this is also questionable).

    If a person really has a love addiction, and not just a strong love affair, then there are no forces. There is no will, no desire, no options for solving other problems. All attention is focused on your loved one. You wake up and fall asleep thinking about him, internal dialogues are conducted throughout the day, each step is analyzed taking into account his imaginary or real opinion, and all life is subordinated to him. And the further you go, the worse it gets.�

    Such addiction occurs only in two cases. If the love is mutual, but people can't be together, no option. And the other has the same addiction. But, as a rule, all this ends tragically. It is impossible to stop loving someone who loves us. The second option is non-reciprocal love, when the loved one is a celebrity or simply does not love, and the addict is sure that he loves or is sure that he will love as soon as circumstances change, etc.�

    Usually, non-reciprocal love does not reach addiction if it was clear before that there are no chances or they are negligible, that feelings on the other side do not grow, that you are not needed and not interesting, and so on. A person loves as long as he has hope for the return feeling or confidence in it. Something went wrong here, apparently due to the fact that the other side gave ambiguous signals, and they were interpreted incorrectly.

    Since the author of the question asks about addiction, most likely, the non-reciprocity is realized, but a lot of effort, time and energy has already been spent mediocre. The most important thing is to pay attention to yourself. Understand that no one needs you but yourself. No one will reward you for suffering. You don't need to merge yourself with a person who doesn't love you anymore, you don't need to live his life, do what is associated with him. Isn't that a lot of honor? If your feelings are known, can you imagine how pathetic you look, how despised you really are (pity is also contempt, please note), and maybe the whole environment?.. Most people want the love of those who are better than them in something to admire and show off. He or she probably doesn't consider you a worthy option. And if you go out of your way to please someone's tastes, it will cause disgust. Because it's a humiliation of yourself, a lack of self-esteem, and a complete drain on your personality to please someone who doesn't need you for nothing.

    It is best to expand the circle of communication, change the situation, remember those things that once brought joy, this will give you initial energy. Developing yourself in some area will allow you to feel better, people start falling in love with such people, even if not those who like each other, but this indicates an improvement in energy, usually in this state good people and opportunities are attracted.

    At the stage of getting out of addiction, you can not scold yourself, become a loving mother who takes care of a terrible disease with understanding and sympathy. Love addiction is scary. It is more terrible than drug addiction, because in the second case, close people pay attention and help more actively, realize the seriousness, and forcibly treat. With love addiction, it seems to others that a person suffers from garbage, he has a noble melancholy (like, there is nothing to do), that he is an egoist, etc. Therefore, do not rely too much on the support of others, but do not give it up. The more you interact with others, the faster you'll notice who you're really interested in.�

    Right now, there is no one worse than the person who caused your condition. It is necessary to detach your thoughts from it as much as possible, transferring them to something useful for yourself.

  3. Some methods are described here: https://vk.com/wall-161418671_35

    I especially recommend paying attention to such strong methods as inverted asanas. Read more about them here: https://vk.com/wall-161418671_118

    It also makes sense to take advantage of such achievements of modern psychology as NLP and spiritual technologies of Zhivorad Slavinsky. I recommend this book: https://www.e-reading.club/book.php?book=132474-it describes some methods of ” reconciliation of subpersonalities (opposing tendencies)”.

    Well, look for your own way, for many, for example, such a useful habit as keeping a diary helps.

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