11 Answers

  1. Not at the click of a finger, but real. You need to work through everything that keeps you close to this person, despite all the arguments against it. Your strong feelings are an irrational psychological addiction. Look up what Abuse is on the Internet, or you can read the book “Be Afraid, I'm with you”. If this is your case, then you will not get anything good in the future from this person and this relationship.

    I can help you reach a breakup on your own by removing this painful attachment. If you really want to change your life and get out of a destructive relationship alive and more or less healthy, write to me in telegram, I will help @jayne_n

  2. So in a codependent relationship, there are strong feelings, bright to the point of unnaturalness, like aniline dyes. Drrramatic ones.

    You directly ask the question – “childish”, that is, it seems naive, but very difficult.

    “How”? “Just stop doing it!” The way out of codependency is through counter-dependence, a complete break in contact.

    But how? “Or by slurping down a spoonful of shit, so that disgust already covers everything else.” But there is no guarantee that they will drink as much as they want all their life.

    Or/and asking for support. At least someone's. But better than a professional.

  3. A very strange question, at least from a man's point of view.

    What does this mean? What does the questioner claim to be paid for sex?

    It's hard for me to understand: I love a girl very much, she doesn't deny me sex, and I'll tell the whole world that “she doesn't give me anything”.

    What are these “strong feelings” when having a loved one is “nothing”???

    What is the old-fashioned notion that if M doesn't pay W, then he “uses”it? If a girl is disgusted with intimacy and sex in general, then why does she do it? In order to pay for something else?

    And how to name taka. a girl?


    As a man, it is completely incomprehensible to me why I should want to leave a relationship in which I have a “strong feeling” and she does not refuse me sex, but “uses” me for pleasure, and does not “give something in return”.

    Well, I don't understand.


  4. In fact, there is nothing complicated here.

    You need to work out the image of the former, removing the emotional charge from it. It is the charge of this image in your mind, as well as your relationship with it, that binds you to this relationship, making it impossible for you to just walk away.

    Put this image out of your head, and you will not only calmly leave this relationship, but then you will sincerely wonder why you couldn't just take so much time and do it (although, in fact, you will understand when you realize all your internal limitations in connection with the relationship, ex, etc.).

    Difficulties arise when you try to do all this with a strong-willed effort. Of course, this will be futile, because your emotional dependence on this person has a lot of subconscious roots, which are all intertwined with each other, which means that you need to work out the image of this person on a subconscious level.

    To do this, you first need to open a text editor, create an unnumbered list, and properly paint the image of the person.

    You can refer to the following list of theses:

    • How does this person behave?
    • How does it use you?
    • What positive feelings do you have for him? (describe each feeling in detail)
    • Why do you have these feelings? (if you feel that you are experiencing them simply because, then ask yourself the question :” if I were experiencing them for a reason, then why would I be experiencing them?” and write out all the answers)
    • When did you realize that you wanted to leave this relationship?
    • What was the reason for wanting to leave the relationship?
    • How did you meet this person?
    • What attracted you to him then?
    • What negative emotions do you currently experience in connection with your relationship with them (write down each emotion separately – resentment, fear, anger, jealousy, anxiety, etc.)
    • What happens if you leave this relationship?
    • What happens if you never leave this relationship?
    • What happens if your feelings for this person disappear right now?
    • What negative emotions will you experience if your feelings for this person disappear right now? (hint-push your fear)
    • What will you lose if your feelings for this person disappear right now?
    • What will you lose if this relationship ends right now?
    • What happens if a person stops using you without giving you anything in return?
    • What prevents you from using it and not giving it anything in return?
    • What happens if a person walks away from you right now, leaving you behind forever?
    • If your feelings for him disappeared and you still stayed in this relationship, then why?
    • What do you hope for by staying in this relationship?
    • What do you expect to stay in this relationship?
    • What are you afraid of staying in this relationship?

    Next, you should use one or another processing technique aimed at removing the subconscious emotional charge from your mental material (what you have written out is the mental material).

    You can use Yandex to find a technique that suits your taste, or you can read my articlesHow to get a person out of your head andHow to get rid of a man who doesn't need you (the second article can also be read by men, simply by changing all masculine pronouns to feminine and vice versa). There I describe in detail how to work through and discard images of people in your mind, and also offer a whole system of self-study of your garbage in your head, which removes the emotional charge not only from what you point out to your subconscious, but also from all the subconscious roots of this – such as the sediment of your past emotional traumas and resentments from childhood, your limiting beliefs and

    I wish you success and all the best in life without any hard feelings!


  5. First of all, you need to love yourself and raise your own self-esteem. If you are brazenly used, without offering anything in return, lower your self-esteem below the baseboard, then you will never build a strong and happy relationship. No one will love you until you learn to love yourself and put yourself and your interests first. It is your own fault that you are being used, broadcasting disrespect for yourself and rejection of yourself to others. You need serious work and it is better to contact a specialist. I have author's techniques that help you get out of a problematic relationship without stress. Please contact us if you need any help. My blog – https://viktoria-vlasova.ru/

  6. In fact, the beginning has already been made: you are already asking yourself this question and understand that this relationship is destructive for you, which is not bad, because there is no place for blind love and naive hopes that this relationship can become better.

    You ask how to get out of this relationship because you know you can't change it. You can't change your partner. He's bad now, he'll be bad tomorrow, he'll be bad in a year.

    Most likely, when you try to leave, you will be called back. Promise to improve, treat you better, swear unearthly love. You just need to understand that a person does this because he likes to use you, and there is no universal big (or indeed any) love here and never was.

    You need to accept the fact that this needs to be finished. For the sake of you and your mental health.�

    There are a few things that can help you:

    1. As it was written above, support for loved ones. Let them remind you more often that you did the right thing.�

    2. Break all ties with your ex-partner. Take all your belongings so you don't have to go back for them. Delete their phone number and blacklist them on all social networks in case they decide to contact you.�

    3. Write a list of the shortcomings of your relationship. Describe in the most emotional way how painful and difficult it is for you in them. Reread it every time you doubt that you are doing everything right.

    It's going to be tough. But you will definitely be able to handle it. Over time, indeed, any feelings become weaker. This is not your great love, this is a relationship in which you feel bad. You will be able to go through with it and find someone who will respect you. You deserve to be respected.

  7. Here psychologists advise, there are technicians, mechanics of all sorts.

    Well, for example, I wrote everything on a piece of paper, expressed it and what? Nothing at all! Maybe she let me go for a day or two, then all over again and taking into account that we didn't even communicate with her.

    You will never forget a person, accept it, he is a part of your life, your task is to make only his past, but do not try to forget, it will not work, only you will bring more harm to yourself.

    Leaving the relationship is not difficult, this is just all, you are no longer together, it is difficult not to think about it every second.

    The only thing that helped me, constantly as thoughts go about her, I say all the bad things that are (and even though immediately after that the conclusion itself goes with the words “you see, she has very few flaws” you still need to keep repeating) The most important thing is that the attachment would pass, this is the main thing for you. It is because of her that you feel bad or will feel bad when you leave.

    Good luck to you and nerves of steel:)

  8. You mistake psychological dependence for feelings. It's like a donkey following a carrot that has been beckoned to it. Read about toxic relationships, relationships with psychopaths, and narcissists. You'll feel better when you understand.

  9. No way, guys. No way. My sick relationship ended 6 years ago, during this time a lot has changed and the place of residence and people around me, but I have already logged in to inform him about myself once a year or a year and a half, and all this time I live by periodic correspondence with him. 3 years after the breakup, I got married, thought I was in love, thought I was happy, but I couldn't get him out of my head forever. I talk to him secretly, but it's a one-sided game, because I'm the only one who needs this story, which he clearly shows in his behavior. And no matter how proud I am with everyone, I act like a doormat to wipe my feet on. During these 6 years, we met only once, a few days ago, it seemed to me that the feelings were all the same, because I saw those eyes and felt that he also needed this meeting. But it was all just in my head. After that meeting, I again fell into the trap of my feelings, towards depression. I can't eat or sleep, the feeling inside is disgusting, the whole situation is suffocating me from the inside. And how long my melancholy will last this time is not clear, last time it lasted about half a year. Something like that. Nothing will help as long as you love, and I apparently love.

  10. This seems impossible to me. I tried it, but it doesn't work. I'm a grown woman, and I look like a fool. Relationships lead to nothing, and it's so scary to lose them. I convince myself, try, and then restore them myself. And all over again.

  11. If you understand that you are being used and you are not harmonious in this relationship, then this is the first step to understanding that something needs to change. Both partners are responsible for the relationship. In your case, one likes, the other allows and does not want to be responsible. You need to start with yourself. Decide for yourself what you want? Do you see your partner with you in the future? Are you happy? Take a piece of paper and divide it into two parts. On the right side, write all the advantages of the partner. In the left panel. And analyze it. And if your understanding is inclined to the fact that this is not your person, the relationship must be stopped, so as not to hurt yourself and not waste time. Think about yourself. Accept this situation and let it go. Thank your partner for the wonderful moments (after all, you probably had them), for the life lessons that you received. You are a person, so your love should be mutual. It is very important that in a relationship there is reciprocity, respect, and trust. If this is not the case, then the relationship is doomed, despite the feelings. Very often we meet people who are not suitable for our life. Believe me, it happens. But you build your own life and only you can decide with whom to go next. Be a happy person or choose the role of a victim, suffer. Your future depends only on your choice. You will meet someone who will love, appreciate and respect you. In life, you need to be able not only to love, but also to let go in time, then there will be no reason to then look for a way out of a depressive state. I wish you the best of luck.

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