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Good afternoon!
I think you should first check whether your internal “alarm clock” has worked correctly.
First, let's understand the terms. Most dictionaries give the following answer:” To impose” – It is annoying to ask for it.” What
does this mean? That one side offers its society, and the other does not want it.
You can try to find synonymous expressions and definitions, for example:
“initiate a close contact without any reason, show excessive perseverance in communication,” offer something that the person does not need.” And this always means that the other side doesn't want to and somehow lets you know it: by facial expressions, posture, gestures, words, hints. That you should have received an invitation to communicate, but you didn't receive it, and then you started offering it yourself in various ways. Is this about you? If so, then you don't need to get rid of the feeling – it is your faithful assistant in the relationship, and you need to correct your behavior. If you don't recognize yourself in the examples, then you need to argue with your feelings. Identify the points of your behavior that confuse you when communicating with this person, analyze them, and compare them with the examples given. Think about where your feeling comes from, what do you think about yourself and that person? Do you think you and him are equally important, equally interesting, equally interested in your communication? Why, what does this confirm? What unites you with him, what do you have to discuss, what topics are interesting to him and you, what can you do together and with benefit or pleasure?
You can try a small experiment: reduce (not dramatically) the frequency of contacts you initiate and see if the other party initiates it itself. If not, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are forcing yourself, but it may help you understand their interest in you.
No way.
This is your feeling, why get rid of it?
Let him say what he wants, this is his “right”. And you have the right to feel exactly what you feel.
And you have the right to impose. In any case, no one has the right to forbid you to do so. They can “prohibit” specific actions (if, for example, you call them every night a couple of hours before the alarm clock and read poems by contemporary poets in Chinese, asking them to clarify the translation, and they only studied Japanese and Swahili), but not the obsession itself.
You also have the right to talk about it, worry about it, and expect “real help” from him, not just words.
Of course, all these are rights that are “not written anywhere” (although here) and have not yet been approved by the Duma or whoever is doing it🙂
So far, only you can give them to you (I'm far away) – or together with him, for example. It's safer this way.
This is your choice and your life. Just let yourself choose.
It's both easy and not easy to get rid of this feeling – it depends on the technique used 🙂
Obsession is when you think that you are forcing yourself on a person, but you can't stop it, because you need something from them (in any case, this is meant, otherwise there would be no sense of imposing).
But it is no longer our right to decide for another person and try to meet their expectations when they were not even broadcast to us in speech (this is the most reliable version of the broadcast).
But if you broadcast it, it's a completely different conversation. It is worth considering the wishes of the interlocutor or just keep them in mind.
In order to stop feeling like an intruder, you need to stop thinking that way. In other words, stop thinking for the other person, which is a cognitive distortion. It is unlikely that anyone can read minds yet.
But we can ask to make sure that our thoughts are true:
In this way, your own concerns about obsession can be eliminated. And if there is no reason to think so , then there will be no feeling.
And when did you learn that what you do is called “forcing yourself on a person”? Perhaps these are children's scenarios when parents said don't bother people.
Very easy – stop trying to impose yourself on him. What are you doing there? Write first? Call us? Do you organize half-hour monologues? Coming home uninvited? Are you calling me for a walk? Tell me how nice it is to communicate with him? Don't do any of the above for two weeks. No matter how much you want to, go for the principle. 🙂 The feeling that you are being imposed will go away, and at the same time it will become clear from the behavior of your counterpart, and whether you were imposed before.
If you have a feeling that you are being imposed and the person does not show initiative then you are being imposed and you are being tolerated for some small or big benefit. Everything else is more empty.
This is often found in teenagers (this is not a stone in the author's garden, but food for thought). Blame complexes and self-doubt, and also ask yourself the question, why do you need to recognize this person? What happens if he is clearly inclined to communicate with you? What kind of person are people drawn to? How can you become that person? Generally speaking, a harmonious self-sufficient person does not have such a problem, moreover, they are drawn to it. The fact is that for such people, interaction with society works as a well-coordinated mechanism, they do not focus on one person, they accept people and their attitude to themselves as it is. How to embark on this path? Well, if you have psychological problems, the first thing I recommend is to attend several sessions with a good psychologist, because this is faster and easier, and you can simultaneously identify and solve other, deeper problems. To work on yourself without professional help, you need to have good motivation and willpower. Okay. The main advice is to develop the main areas of life in harmony. Be sure to engage in sports, creativity, health, family relationships and develop communication skills. Confidence will appear by itself, and if you do good deeds, love for yourself and the world will be born.
To deal with your complexes – first of all. After all, all this is sitting in our subconscious. Maybe this person, most likely, does not even know how important it is for you that he pays attention to you.
This is a really serious problem for many people. Coping with the feeling is really not easy. But it is possible and quite realistic.
First, try to put yourself in that person's shoes. Imagine that someone is pleasant to you, You are happy to communicate with them. Will you think that the person is forcing himself on you? Unlikely. You will even be glad that he is making contact. Now think about the fact that probably the person you are afraid to impose on feels the same way. So he's telling the truth: You really aren't forcing yourself on him.
Second, try to discuss this with them in more detail. Explain why, in what episodes, in what actions, in your opinion, your obsession manifests itself, and ask him to describe his point of view. This may make it easier to understand that they really don't think you're being forced on them.
Third, leave it up to the individual to decide for themselves. If something doesn't suit him, he'll tell you. And if he doesn't speak, it means that he is somehow satisfied with what is happening.
Fourth, try to accept yourself for who you are. You behave exactly like that, you make contact exactly like that. And so be it. And then other people will decide for themselves whether it suits them or not.
I know this feeling is hard to overcome, but you can.