3 Answers

  1. “Life after infidelity” is not a question of restoring trust, but of overcoming the psychological discomfort of knowing that a partner was physically close to another person.

    If you do not have such discomfort, then there is nothing to talk about: a certain number of people are quite calm about the facts of the proximity of their permanent partner “on the side”.

    If you have this discomfort , then you need to work with it, and not replace it with the desire to “start trusting again”. Otherwise, this is a situation from the series “we put an enema, treat a runny nose”.

    And the ability or inability, desire or unwillingness to trust a person is a purely rational behavioral stereotype, without any admixture of emotions. If you rate a person as capable of independently performing the functions that you trust them to perform – say, controlling their own sexual desires-then you do. If you are unable to perform these functions yourself: check your phone, social networks, “shirt collar”, condoms in your purse or wallet, etc.

  2. No way. This is a decision: either to trust in general, or to take into account that the person in this (your) relationship is unreliable. Actually, both are quite COMPATIBLE, if you generally tolerate the chaos and uncertainty of life, tolerate it, and do not run away. As social psychologists say, you have a high tolerance for uncertainty)

  3. I believe that the attitude and actions of a partner are more important than the fact of communication with another person. Loyalty based on the fear of exposure does not say anything about this. Control will not improve the relationship, but will lead to the opposite result. It is best to pay attention to the good things that are in the relationship. If this is not the case, then this is not directly related to non-compliance with monogamy. Consent to human relationships and monogamy is a choice, not a duty, of another person. I also answered in this topic, despite the fact that the situation there is somewhat different:


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