- Why did everyone start to hate the Russians if the U.S. did the same thing in Afghanistan, Iraq?
- What needs to be corrected in the management of Russia first?
- Why did Blaise Pascal become a religious man at the end of his life?
- How do I know if a guy likes you?
- When they say "one generation", how many do they mean?
If you are in a codependent relationship, then you need to see the share of danger of risks that carry the consequences of addiction, as well as the internal position, ideas about yourself associated with self-esteem and a sense of security that do not allow you to get out of them so easily. After all, codependency is formed on this “fertile” ground of lack of self-confidence and their abilities.
The fear and uncertainty accumulated during this time contribute to the search for approval, confirmation of their own need and significance from others. The feelings of suffering that codependents begin to experience again and again due to the negative consequences of their loved one's addiction give them short-term meaning in the relationship. As a result, getting used to receiving confirmation of significance as a result of hyperprotection and suffering in dependent-codependent relationships, the codependent person finally loses his individuality. The formation of an “external point” of self-worth confirmation becomes a real trap for the codependent, as it encourages him to enter into destructive, damaging relationships again and again. This is easily used by addicts who use this property of codependency in their manipulations.
Thus, the answer to the question can be an algorithm consisting of three consecutive steps.
What do you find valuable and enjoyable? How much time and effort do you need to recover and rest? Are you satisfied with your contribution to the relationship, and does your partner evaluate it fairly?
Where do you dare to declare yourself honestly, and where do you follow the old rules out of habit? Where do you convince yourself to lie, thinking that the truth is simply unbearable? What do you have to pretend to be?
Do you ask yourself what you want? Can you be honest with yourself? Are you driven by duty or justice? How do you behave towards yourself: in a partner-like, tyrannical way, or use the role of a victim?�
* You should start looking for comprehensive and realistic answers to these questions together with a psychologist or psychotherapist, as the risks of trying to settle for superficial answers that will not meet the complexity of your situation are great.
Since October, I have been going for a one-year specialization, and in a year I will answer more correctly than now.
All I know now is that the key is a constant question to myself: what do I want more? Just for YOURSELF. That's what I want for MYSELF in this situation.
With an assessment of the pros and cons for yourself again.
“More” – because the desires are normally multidirectional)
Very tough – and healing! – the phrase when you are confused in a relationship is ” Think only of yourself!”
Do not be afraid to fall into the depths of hell and become the devil – “egoist”: thinking about yourself also means focusing on your values, and of course you have them. This will work itself out when you really seriously ask yourself: what do I want more?
Codependent means “obedient”, which means not feeling their own and other people's borders, “sticking together”.
Building close relationships and any healthy relationships starts with separating yourself. Your interests and boundaries.
Instead of “codependency” / sticking together/obedience-rebellion-obedience-Freedom and Responsibility.
Freedom: we are free as birds, we can make ANY choice.
Responsibility: there is no right choice, every choice has positive and negative consequences. And I try to calculate them in advance, and I understand that this is always only partially possible. Live = take risks. And I don't blame anyone for the negative consequences of my choice, first of all, I don't blame myself. Guilt = ” who's bad?” Responsibility = ” what TO DO?”
Well, in a far – reaching codependency-alas, M. B. only a complete break in contact, at the level of “to another city”. And in order not to create exactly the same thing with others, see all above)
…This is about growing up really. This is how it happens. Only someone at 14, someone at 40, very many-never…
Working with a psychologist one-on-one or group therapy helps many people in such situations, where you can share your experiences with other people and listen to their advice. Here https://sozavisimost.su learn more about treatment methods.
I personally don't like the term “codependency”. It can be interpreted as broadly as possible, reaching the point of idiocy, when an ordinary relationship is called “codependent”by someone….
The norm disappears…
Fight. Overstep their limits and purposefully move away. Look for opportunities to be alone and feel independent, free to choose. It's not easy.
You need to realize that any relationship where one person is highly dependent on the other cannot be healthy. No matter how much we deny it, Fromm also wrote in his work “The Art of Loving” that codependency leads to the fact that relationships inevitably deteriorate due to the fact that:
A dominant person appears, a person who uses the services of his partner;
A person who depends on another cannot get enough.
A person who is an object of reverence gets tired of the moral obligation to satisfy the needs of his partner.
And this applies to any relationship: friendly, love, family. It doesn't make sense to dig into another person in an era when everything is relative. Any connection between people requires balance. As Fromm said again,”We are one, like two individual parts joined together.”
Everything will work out for you.
With one sip of freedom-you want the ocean!