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  1. Hello everyone, my name is Artem, I'm 19, a medical student, 1st year dentist. � � � � �I am an Armenian by nationality, although I don't know how this should affect me, but it may affect me. I do not know, maybe this is an attempt to speak out, to make it easier for my soul, but I already have that moment when I want to give up everything and not exist. Sometimes I will write some memories that will come out of my head in order to fully understand me and my personality(there will be a * sign before the beginning). Our life is not stable and, I think, anything happens, I just want to ask for help, maybe at least something will happen. This is not the first time I have written to such help and advice. On this site, people still respond faster than on others. Let's go quietly to the topic. The situation is as follows. As I mentioned earlier, I'm 19. At the age of 8, we moved to Russia(Siberia) from Armenia with the whole family(I am the only son in the family, 2 older sisters) . He lived there until the age of 8, went to school in the village. The village is such that it is still different there than in the villages of Russia. (Traditions, honor of the girl, etc.) Well, this is a matter of mentality already. We always talked to our relatives, came to visit them, and they, of course, also came. In general, everything was fine, good(I hope Alya was little, I don't remember everything). So passed my early childhood. I was very much loved and loved by my dad, because I am his only son and he did a lot for me and for all of us, God grant him health!! We were not poor enough, but on the contrary, we were provided for and already had an apartment in Yerevan. This is all the work of parents!!!

    * I remember being told that I was a naive child, not as nimble as my cousin.

    Further, life in Russia, which initially left a bad mark in my memories. I came here. I don't know anything or anyone, I went to the 2nd grade. No language, nothing. A chubby child went to school. I remember the ridicule of my classmates from that old school, especially one Azerbaijani who always laughed at me about everything and everything. I didn't even fight properly, and I didn't want to, but I could cry and take everything to heart. �Well, in short, I was there until the 4th grade, then my parents transferred me to the gymnasium. They were quite good at the gymnasium. Adaptation was not easy, there were conflicts, some misunderstandings, but then respect was shown to me when I started showing my talents) I decided to run for the school president and was eventually vice-president from 8th to 10th grade. The reputation of the school has risen. We started to learn more, and we already had conversations with high school students. But I didn't feel like the “cool” guy that everyone looks up to, on the contrary, I tried to be good, but sometimes I behaved more like a loshara than like a proud, arrogant major. On the contrary, modestly and I had one friend, also modest and some not prosharenny. You know, when many people talk about how they spent their childhood and how it was different after all. As a result, from the 10th to 11th grade, we were interrupted with other classes for specialized classes and gopniki came to us, or for someone “cool” guys. For me, they were morons and like, I didn't care about them, but still a lot of people liked them. Of course, people said I was a seducer and there were a lot of girls around me, but I didn't feel that way. At the end of the 11th grade, I wanted to graduate as soon as possible, since I didn't find a common language with anyone. I read various articles and understand that this may be because of my upbringing or because I don't understand how to communicate. It turns out I'm rude or something. I thought I was too well-mannered, but I don't know. I guess I was reeducated. Like a girl. Here's the truth. How did I choose this profession? It's a long story. From January 10 to January 11, I wanted to become an economist. Then it shifted to the stom, as the parents insisted on high potential. Although this is a void. High potential. If a person is smart, then he will have potential everywhere, and not so much that the potential of the profession is there, and nothing depends on you. I should have studied chemistry and biology, but I didn't know anything about them. Well, half a year was engaged and … I failed chemistry. Biology was passed at least at a minimum, and chemistry is kapets. I had to go to college to avoid joining the army. There was a plan to study here for a year, study chemistry and retake it. I was so disgusted with school that I was happy to enroll even in this vocational school. And that's where the fun begins. My lack of implementation in terms of “cool pepper” had to change. I've been acting like this person since day 1. This image of the cool Me is to attract more girls and draw attention to myself. There were already results after 2 days. Itself as it turned out) well, this year I had to come off and show off, to be happy that I can try on the role of such a “male”. A year later, I was already entering a university. The lists have already arrived and I see that there are a lot of Armenians and I was happy, because it's cool. But here I did not foresee that everything came back to me like at school almost again. Well, as it came back. Here I already have the task to study straight awesome, because medical, and not vocational school, where I behave like oborzevshiy. But this role was already taken by another Armenian, whom I knew as a child and we met at the same wedding. I thought it was necessary to be well-mannered, normal and adequate here. This is a university. I guess I was wrong. This Armenian is always showing off and looking down on everyone . Well, this is the model of a normal Armenian, I think ahaha, and not like me-such a kind, honest person and not prosharenny. Although their condition is also the same as that of our family. But he behaves freely from the first meeting and everything is straight cool for him. I envy. Honestly. Here I see in myself how I want to be in this role. Leadership roles. Dominant roles. Roles of the main user. But still th is not very much, like then you think “why?” so be on show-offs. Live in peace, and learn. But I can't. This Armenian is still conscious. He just behaves in such a way that you are already automatically reaching for him. Man, it should be me, damn it, not him. But he reaches out to me, too. He himself has said and hinted more than once that he is attracted to me. But all the same, I can see from people that they respect him, don't interrupt him, as they sometimes do, or are afraid and obey him. Because he can afford to be arrogant. And I can't afford to be too much of a show-off.�

    Today I was upset by one situation, as a result of which I am here. There was one girl from another department. At the dedication, she started pestering me “in the open”. To rub against me and so on, Well, she's not too much of herself that is, and not very beautiful, in public with her dumb. Just walked a few times and wanted to bring it to “this”, but there are already their own problems. Today I was offended by the fact that she started showing off more about me to her friends, like ” he wants me… he offered to meet, but I refused… ” and so on. As I found out, ofigel and she, when she came here after the holidays ,was such a type of ” will you come pick me up at the train station?”, and I, after such information from others, said No sharply and without any. Like to stop communicating with her already. But then after the holidays we met with that Armenian and it turned out that he and her friend started dating and and like he tells me about this girl and I was dumb that he would think something weird about me right now, like I'm talking to her and so on. Anyway, I went to their dorm today, and they were hanging out there, and I said let's go talk, and she was like, ” I don't want to.” And in short, nothing further was possible, then she called me, I was not online and generally shows off�

    I do not know already, I do not want to do anything. I'm not interested in studying, I can't find a language with people like all other ordinary people. In general, zadolbals and think to go to a therapist

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