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Why are you afraid to see a doctor?
I understand that many people perceive this as a weakness, many are afraid of getting branded. But there's nothing wrong with that.
Imagine: you have a fever, a sore throat. You start treating yourself by taking antibiotics. You drink for a day, two, or a week. It doesn't help you, so you go to the doctor. The doctor says: “you have a sore throat, you need to be treated with another antibiotic. And the fact that you have already taken other antibiotics forms your resistance to the drug and, as a result, the drugs work worse, and even you have ruined your stomach.”
Is there anything shameful about going to a doctor in this situation? Is there any harm from self-medication?
I think you can answer these questions yourself.
Do not hesitate to contact a psychiatrist. Mental problems are not a shame, but the same problem as a sore throat, a broken leg, and stomach pain. You need help, and it's not a shame to get help. Don't self-medicate. Many medications have negative side effects, some develop resistance, and other medications may not help. The doctor will choose the medicine in accordance with your case and you will not need to run around looking for a prescription, as with a high degree of probability it will help you and you will be able to look for more interesting adventures)
Health to you!
There's nothing wrong with seeing a psychiatrist. They don't register there, no one remembers patients, a psychiatrist like you has dozens of people passing through in a day, and he won't judge or shame them. Come, describe your condition, and this is where the treatment begins, the selection of medications. Therefore, be prepared to visit a mental hospital every 2 weeks or a month.