10 Answers

  1. To become more confident or increase your self-esteem, you need to work out what leaves you in this state. As I like to say, “unhook the elastic bands from behind”:

    1. Fears (related to self-esteem, of course)
    2. Negative beliefs
    3. Unspoken or incorrectly expressed feelings: Guilt/resentment/sadness, etc.
    4. Secondary benefits

    If each of these points is even at a satisfactory level, then self-esteem will change automatically, because nothing will interfere with its growth + the level of internal freedom will increase very much (this includes courage, determination, and openness)

    In general, by the way, low self-esteem is a scourge of promising and charismatic people (there are a lot of celebrities who were shy and insecure in the past), so if you want to achieve success, then increasing self-esteem and self-confidence is the first step on this path!

  2. Self-esteem is a person's subjective view of themselves, how much they deserve respect and acceptance in their relationships with other people.

    Self-esteem is formed in a relationship with a significant Other. In the experience of a person with low self-esteem, this Other Person is more likely to have been overly critical, evaluated, devalued, and insufficiently accepted. How important this Other is to survival depends on the extent to which a person will criticize themselves, and how low their self-esteem will be. If there are several significant adults in a child's life, one overly critical, the other very accepting, then the child will have room to maneuver. He may have a split between low and normal self-esteem, or his self-esteem will be normal and adequate, but it will definitely not be just low. Low self-esteem is usually formed if there is no freedom of choice, that is, when all significant others (one or several) are excessively critical and evaluating.

    It is important to understand that low self-esteem is a person's adaptation to relationships with significant people on whom their well-being and life itself depended. At some point, this device was adequate, but this does not mean that it needs to be carried through life. In adult life, everyone can choose for themselves the environment that will accept them.�

    Another thing is that it is often difficult to get rid of outdated relationship patterns. This can only be done to the full extent by getting a sufficient amount of other experience. In this case, the experience of other people's acceptance of those parts of themselves that were rejected by early significant Others.

    You can get such an experience in any group of important people who are able to share your interests and views, understand and accept your feelings and emotions.�

    The most difficult part here seems to me to be finding these new Others and taking the first step towards them. You will have to step over your low self-esteem and give yourself up to the contact, risking again to meet with criticism and depreciation.�

    Psychotherapy can provide an initial experience of acceptance, with which it will be easier for a person to go out in public. If the problem of low self-esteem is relevant for you, I am ready to participate in its improvement.

    You can find out more about communication methods and the cost of my services on my website.

  3. Self-esteem, unfortunately, in most cases depends on the opinion of other people. Humans are social animals, and they need the approval of their own kind.

    Perhaps your self-esteem is due to the fact that you often find yourself in situations where you are rated lower than you would like (although it is possible that this is solely your opinion). �

    It can also be associated with the so-called state of learned helplessness, when you did not succeed for a long time (or others told you that you did not succeed), and you eventually gave up and concluded that you were no good at anything. This is very often the case when a person is told that he is incapable of mathematics, and he begins to believe it himself.

    I would recommend finding new activities or hobbies in your life that would allow you to feel superior. success is a kind of “muscle” that can be developed – the more often you experience the feeling of victory,the easier it will be for you to believe in yourself.

    My words are indirectly confirmed by business coach E. Larssen in the book “Without Self-pity” (a short description of the book is available on � https://t.me/bez_citat/124 ), which says that talent does not exist, but only a long work on yourself.�

    I hope my answer helped you.

  4. If we are talking specifically about self-esteem, then it consists of two components. The expectation or desire (Claim) of what we want to achieve and what we actually have ( Success). To understand the level of our self-esteem, we divide Success into Claims. If the result is more than one, then we feel at our best, it seems to us that we can do everything and the whole world is at our feet. And if it is less than one, then we feel like depressed losers.

    There are two ways to increase our self-esteem: either increase our level of achievement in life or reduce our level of ambition. Most psychologists, including W. James is the inventor of the formula, stick to the second option.

    Quite often, we can not achieve great success in life for objective reasons. But that doesn't mean we have to feel unhappy or depressed. And just because we haven't achieved something huge and important, we don't become bad people. Therefore, first of all, we must accept ourselves with all our shortcomings, feel comfortable with ourselves. �

    But after our self-esteem has approached unity and we have become confident in ourselves, we can start moving forward. Gradually, we can increase our level of claims by setting new goals for ourselves. The main thing is to do it in a measured way step by step, while maintaining the level of your self-esteem in the area of unity. This method is the least painful for the individual and can bring good results over time.

    • accept yourself�
    • find friends
    • improve themselves
    • find an activity / hobby�
    • stop listening to the opinions of others and even more so depend on them
    • Be positive in all situations�
      Good luck with:
  5. In order to feel confident, you need to act like a confident person. Try to think of a few people you know who you think are confident, with adequate self-esteem, and whose qualities you would like to possess. Highlight what exactly in their behavior signals their confidence to you and others (posture, voice, slowness or free expression of their position regardless of the opinion of others, etc.). Take the features you've highlighted and use them as often as possible until you fully identify with them and use them automatically. This rule is often used by actors, because brilliant actors are those who have a huge arsenal of cliches, which they use as a collective image of all their idols, transforming and taking them on themselves.

    In psychology, experiments are known where people were left in a separate room before passing an interview for a robot and asked to put their feet on the table or take any seemingly confident pose, after 5 minutes, they were able to show themselves as best as possible. Another group of people were asked to sit in the embryo position with their knees drawn up, which was also reflected in their actions. Parallel to the experiment, people were tested for the content of hormones in the blood that activate the depressed state, which confirmed the hypothesis. The human brain displays the surrounding position, according to the experiment, even 5 minutes is enough to change the physiological ratio of hormones in the blood. So by practicing this method, you can achieve a change in self-esteem and increase self-confidence.

  6. All borders are just in the head mostly. You can be anyone and achieve a lot! There is a negative belief, a deficient attitude in my head, that I am not successful, a loser, most often everything goes from childhood, from school, but it also occurs in adulthood. Evaluation is usually formed by comparing yourself with others, with their success, but you do not know how they came to these successes! How much blood was shed, how much effort and resources were invested in these successes, most people like to hear about victories, but few people are interested in how many people went to this victory.

    It is necessary to stop completely evaluating yourself by other people. Competition is great, for example, you set a goal with a friend to earn so much per month, and the friend beat you a little, but for you this is not a reason to consider yourself a loser and a bottom, but only as an incentive to get ahead of this “asshole” next time. A healthy comparison, so you will grow, maybe slowly, but surely.

    Also, it is necessary to understand that we always find confirmation of our beliefs and attitudes. Thoughts are material, it's not science fiction or pop psychology, just tell yourself every morning that I'm a failure, that I'm not interested in women, that I don't deserve a good job, why would I suddenly live a great life, and very soon you will be able to see that everything is exactly like that. If a person believes that he is a bottom, then he transmits this mood to others and, of course, receives confirmation of this, the same in all areas. If you think that you have low self-esteem, which is already, in principle, controversial, then you will constantly be convinced of this, since you have such an attitude. There is a stream of data that our sensory system receives and processes, and then a set of interpretations of this data comes into play, which form the basis of what we are used to considering our personality and the world around us. That is, everything that happens to you will be worked out through the belief “I have low self-esteem”, respectively, I am not very, etc. Love yourself, write down what you like about yourself, your strengths and weaknesses, what you would like to change and why.

    Another effective tool is to communicate with those who do not have such problems. One way or another, you will learn something from them, because we like to take an example from those who we like. Perhaps these people will not want to communicate with you, because you are on different levels, but you still need to strive to make yourself better, “I am what I am” is a victim's position, you can do nothing for years and complain all the time, you should want to take another level, passionately want to change.

    And one more thing: books, courses, trainings, it's all great, of course, but without real practice, it's all pointless and very poorly effective. Just imagine, you are used to doing something like this all your life, and then you are told that you should do it like this! Your brain is already used to thinking definitely, since a long period of time has passed, and any new information, installation will not be easily accepted by them. In addition, you risk falling into such an interesting trap that you will read, watch everything, get carried away with it, at every corner you will chant that I am studying, studying, and you are the mass, doing nothing, at the slightest difficulty you will look for new books and courses, and in fact you will not move anywhere. This will be a kind of hobby for you, of course, you will tell yourself that you are engaged in self-development and there seems to be even progress, but in fact you will be in the starting positions, this is an illusion. Therefore, it is necessary to read and study, but it is necessary to practice your ideas and beliefs.

    Good luck to you!

  7. What is self-assessment and why is it needed?

    Self-esteem is an opinion about yourself, your potential, and your capabilities. Self-assessment is necessary in order to adequately set goals, choose ways to achieve them, and manage available resources efficiently.

    The problem of negative self-esteem in the modern world is provoked by a focus on external fashion. If a person evaluates their capabilities through:

    • Quality of “cool” links
    • Belonging to a “cool” party
    • Number of subscribers in the network
    • Fashion items and gadgets
    • Amount of money
    • Diplomas, education
    • Fashionable professions
    • Living in a certain country
    • External “beauty”: chest, f .. pa, eyes, nose, muscle
    • Erudition
      Such a person will not get rid of negative self-esteem and will not be able (in any way) to build a really strong life.

    In order for self-esteem to become adequate, real and effective, you need to stop looking at others. Any goal from the “like…”position it leads to degradation and an increase in depression.�

    First of all, you need to consider yourself realistically. From physical parameters to knowledge and skills. Categorically: without comparison with others or with all sorts of psychological and business recommendations from various guru-scientists.�

    A simple list of what is available at the moment. A person who has reached the age of 18 and completed secondary education has hundreds of different skills and knowledge. Any. Also, any person has some interests, preferences, abilities for something. This allows you to choose from the general list of your skills and knowledge those that have the potential to develop and turn into a professional direction.

    Very important: when analyzing your abilities, skills, and interests, you don't need to focus on existing professions as a model or goal. You can easily create a new profession, implement yourself in several professions, or perform separate functions of a particular profession. To begin with, you can generally earn a living in different ways, using your existing skills.

    Answer to the first question: 1. Filter out the information flow and remove from it everything that makes you look at yourself and your life through other people's eyes. 2. Examine yourself and simply accept what is there. 3. Based on your main interests and abilities, identify the main areas of development, find common ground in them, and start developing this common ground. gradually and patiently.

    To become more confident, follow the previous steps. As soon as you stop focusing on the values of the consumer society and study yourself, there will be more than enough confidence.�

    But with “getting better” there are difficulties. Immediately there are questions: “For whom to become better?”, ” For what to become better?”, ” In what to become better?”, ” Why to become better?”. And what does “in general” mean, how is this even possible?

    This wish is not clear to me. I'm not interested in other people's opinions about me, so it doesn't make sense to be better. I understand only the desire to be effective in the process of implementing my tasks. What others think about my goals and how to achieve them is their problem. The main thing is not to interfere with the life of others as they want, do not let them into your life (if they do not deserve it), do not force others to live as you think is right.

  8. First, accept these feelings completely and stop fighting them. Secondly, use these feelings as fuel — let them motivate you to change for the better. By the way, change is possible: due to the fact that the brain is a plastic organ, you can improve your intelligence, creativity, attentiveness, memory, and almost everything else. And thirdly, as follows from the above, we must get down to business. Self-esteem builds up as you achieve greater goals without giving up in the face of difficulties and weaknesses. Go for it and make the most of your life. Good luck!

  9. Try the book” Self-Confidence Training ” by Manuel Smith. There are fairly clear and simple methods of working on how to stop being shy and downtrodden and become bold and confident. It helped me)

    And you don't have to get better, you're already pretty good, you just have to believe it)

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