56 Answers

  1. What does smarter mean? What exactly is smarter about? In a particular field or in everything?

    You understand that there is no such thing as a “smart person”. You can only be smart or a pro in some areas.

    When a woman knows more than you in any area – it's great! You need to respect such people and listen to them.

    If a person is offended when they are corrected or told that they are wrong, this indicates their low self-esteem and inability to think flexibly and critically. This greatly hinders the development of the individual.

    Surely you have met such people with a “stone” mindset. It is difficult to communicate with them, and even more difficult to prove something or change the point of view. Don't be like that, develop and try to think flexibly!

  2. Let's start with the fact that a really smart woman will not try to crush anyone with her intelligence. She will simply not need it, because most of the smart girls are self-sufficient, know their own value and are unlikely to communicate with those who are not interesting to them.

    Accordingly, if a girl communicates with a man, she definitely considers him no more stupid than herself. And high intelligence in women, on the contrary, attracts men. With such an interlocutor, it will never be boring, there is always something to talk about with her. And it will be a constructive, interesting, deep dialogue, where there will be arguments, facts and reasonable criticism, and not just “shooting eyes”. It's hard to find a man who doesn't like smart women.

    “Smarter than you” is a very subjective concept. There is always a question in which a man will understand better. And a smart woman is an extra reason for a man to develop. This is very encouraging, because you don't want to hit your face in the dirt. Next to a smart girl, you want to match her.

    If a man is confused by the fact that the girl is “smarter” than him, most likely, he has a whole mountain of complexes. He probably thinks his own intelligence is too low. A self-sufficient man with normal self-esteem will never be afraid of an intelligent woman. On the contrary, he will reach out to her.

  3. As they say, if you are the smartest person in the company, then you are the wrong company) I'm all for it, because there will be a lot to talk about. Unfortunately, there are not very many of them, although I know some examples.

  4. My wife is smarter than I am. Stronger in logic and rational thinking.

    Sometimes my ego kicks in, but most of the time I try to learn from her.

    After all, it's great to have someone who is smarter than us around. This is a constant opportunity for growth.

  5. Why should we be afraid of them? On the contrary, it is a great incentive to develop. Many people are subconsciously drawn to those who are smarter, stronger, and more successful than they are. Not in order to parasitize and get some benefit. And in order to learn something from them, to learn the secrets of success.

    A man who is afraid of an intelligent woman is frankly weak. And the belief that a man should be smarter, stronger, earn more money and generally solve everything, was invented by those who have serious problems with self-esteem. We live in an equal world where girls have every right to be smart and are not afraid to show their own intelligence.

    On the other hand, a really smart girl will never try to “crush” a man with her intelligence, as you wrote. But she also won't contact a frankly stupid person, because she will simply be bored. And if a man starts to get hysterical and accuse her of being too smart or something, the girl will simply leave.

    Therefore, a normal man, on the contrary, will strive to find a smart girl. After all, a partner is needed not only to cook borscht and please in bed. When a woman has a sharp mind and has something to talk about, she is confident in herself – a man will not even think to look to the left. He will only look with admiration at his own girlfriend.

  6. Here among my friends there is a girl who defended kondidatskaya (KTN). We communicate well, and support almost any topic. I don't go deep into her sphere, she's in mine. In my understanding, a cool creature with its own cockroaches 😀 😀 😀 Of course, I don't argue, a smart girl, a beauty,but I don't consider myself an idiot either

  7. Unfortunately, I've never met anyone smarter than myself, not even men. 🙂 So I can't say anything. But as someone who likes to play chess, I can say that with a strong opponent it is always more interesting than with a weak one. The main thing is that a person should be good – do not cringe and do not gnobil. Unfortunately, many women who think of themselves as intellectuals are also “bitches” with claims and requests

  8. No. I don't identify with the image of a smart person. And I am even more aware that there are many people who have a much better logical apparatus and abstract thinking than in my case. In addition, there are people with a phenomenal memory and an incredible speed of thinking. Naturally, there are quite a few women among these people.

    It seems to me that in order to be afraid of being crushed by the intellect, you need to perceive communication as a kind of competition, where the one who intellectually “puts another in their place”will win.

    I'm not interested in such games. Not with women, not with men.

    And if you get a woman who likes to play such games, and even often wins, then this is more likely a sign not of intellectual superiority, but of excessive identification with the image of a smart girl. And the fact that she is so intellectually superior that she is unable to comprehend such a simple thing is very ironic to me, so I am not offended.

    I wish you success and all the best in life without any hard feelings!


  9. I feel great, because I'm a sapiosexual. A smart woman is an arrow to the brain and forward, I even forgive such a woman for her appearance flaws. As they said in the movie “Stories” – I want to have “something to fuck about”.

    However, I know that there is such a problem in general. I heard from friends: “damn, she's smarter than me, earns three times more, I don't feel like a man with her!”. I do not know how to comment on this, apparently these are some ancient models in the head of such men that a man should always be cooler than a woman in everything.

  10. I was quite close to girls, the difference in intelligence with which was quite noticeable, only twice in my life. It's always very interesting! It's like you're looking at the world from a woman's head, noticing things that you wouldn't think about in your own life. They question a lot of things that are “typically feminine”, and they have a kind of intellectual pluralism. Well, the list of allowed topics is much wider. And when you fall on your shoulders in an argument about things in which you considered yourself an expert, a girl-feelings are incomparable. I think there are quite a lot of smart girls, but because of stereotypes, they are afraid to show it, thereby reducing their own attractiveness. After all, in a relationship, ” a man should condescendingly teach a woman.” This is unfortunate

  11. Oh, what does smarter mean? More well-read? The computer also turns out to be smarter than all of us, because there is a lot of information there….

    We had girls, excellent students, sooooo well-read, but out of the textbook two phrases could not adequately connect, fools-fools (no offense) in life.

    This question is incorrect.

    You can't be smarter everywhere, you can be more experienced and more educated in some specific areas, and only fools understand everything.

  12. If a woman knows something better than I do, that's great. It is interesting to communicate with such girls, it is interesting to listen to their thoughts and points of view. I don't feel any pressure.

  13. There is a danger that repels smart women. Rather, from women who accumulate encyclopedias of knowledge in their heads and constantly compare themselves with others and with men, probably because they really want to be recognized as smart.

    It is very difficult to co-exist with such” encyclopedists”. And you should keep your distance from such people. Both men and women.

    Truly intelligent women, on the contrary, are very attractive to men. Just like” really smart ” men.

    And this phenomenon is described by the following parable about the fighting rooster:

    They gave the young rooster to the best mentor.

    When he began to beat all the opponents in every fight, the Mentor said that he was not ready yet.

    And when he was ready, the owner of the rooster was upset: the rooster walked among other roosters and did not conduct a single battle. All the other roosters were fighting among themselves, but they didn't get into a fight with him.

    So are” really smart ” men and women:

    Some are always trying to prove their worth. And they need the” mind ” first of all for this. And others …

    A real smart person follows the advice of the Tao:

    Soft and weak wins over hard and strong

  14. Good afternoon.
    I personally like smart and educated girls, and a strong partner is always interesting.
    It is interesting to communicate with such a girl, discuss something, and it is all the more pleasant when she admits that you are right (if it is not Leo or Scorpio according to the horoscope – they are always right, even if they are not 🤣).

  15. Hello.The wording of the question is interesting,”asked by the intellect” Intelligence is a “database”, education is different.I think a well-bred person will not stick out his mind like a dick out of his pants, and “push” someone with it,whether it is a woman or a man.Although there are some that stick out…It would be very interesting for me to communicate with such a girl,it is always interesting with a person from whom you can learn something new, unexpected😆And, of course, it is a mutual process😉I don't understand “intellectuals”in everyday life,they spread their feathers like peacocks,and try to impress,”crush”with their intelligence.But this is a matter of education…A smart girl is pleasant and charming, but just as dangerous as a cobra.

  16. The question is not correct.
    Intelligence and intelligence are not synonymous.
    The difference between the mind and intelligence is as follows: with the help of intelligence, a person accumulates knowledge, and using the mind, applies it in life. In other words, people are more responsible for doing the right things because of their intelligence than because of their intellect. Intelligence stores ready-made information and contains ready-made answers.

  17. This will probably depend more on her modesty than on her intelligence. If the girl is modest, she will remain attractive even with super-pumped intelligence. And if she is not modest, arrogant or bitchy, then she will lose her attractiveness regardless of whether she is smart or stupid.

    Well, do not forget that all men are different. There are those who are subconsciously looking for a second mother, i.e. a woman who is stronger than them (in the broadest sense of the word). Perhaps he would be only too happy to be crushed by her intelligence.

  18. The MIND can have different orientations-a good mind OR an evil mind-hence human behavior.

    In addition, in different directions/spheres of life, a person (mind)can manifest itself in different ways-positively/agreeably or negatively/conflict.

    Bottom line-any person (mind) is very difficult in terms of predicting their behavior.

    PROVERB – ” To get to know a person, you need to eat a pound of salt with him.” – accurately reflects the problem of cognition and predicting the behavior of any person.

  19. Girls are always smarter than us! What we can resist: we can resist in technical matters, global strategy (where this can lead us), and military actions. And so I really think that women are smarter than us, their hemispheres are more balanced. And there is only one way out: to be more spiritual than them, and here is our place to win! Mind versus Spirit.

  20. The mind is one aspect of perception that is far from perfect. A woman by nature is more of a sensitive, emotional breed. An intelligent woman can have a series of educations, be well-read, but never hear about women's happiness and love. Such women should be more sympathetic…

  21. If Zhenya is smart, then she simply does not need to show off, brag about her mind. There is simply no such need. And that's why a smart woman doesn't push her man with intelligence. And she chooses HER man. One that suits her. Who likes her intelligence.

  22. If a girl is really smart, she will not push her intellect. And so it's cool, there is something to strive for, it will definitely not be boring. In general, I don't understand where this stereotype that men like stupid girls comes from.

  23. and what exactly is meant by the mind? I would say this is the ability to apply one's abilities, that is, it is a trait that characterizes the adequacy of a person's actions in any situation, and it does not matter what his abilities are, and a monkey can be taught to throw a grenade, that is, it is a reasonable motivating force.

    answering the question, yes, you can meet a smart girl in your field, personally, I also like the mind.

    now about the romance. the most important thing is what will connect two people who are smart in their fields (or one is smart, the other is not very, or both are not very, it doesn't matter), on which the relationship will be built, as a special area of knowledge, its about him, his about her, because the mind shown in this area is in the form of attentiveness, sensitivity, care, and other.love will be an indicator of the reasonableness of the relationship, that is, the manifestation of intelligence in this special area

  24. Oh, with great respect. With love and tenderness. A smart mother makes smart kids and smart conversations. A smart woman lives like a smart person. In general, a great friend, neighbor and colleague. A wonderful friend and partner. And with stupid ones, only problems. With stupid ones, there's only one plus point. For the bored: a lot of running around and emotions. And I, too, am not a fool. I'm not bored. I like it when two people understand each other. And in general, when they understand everything and everyone. A smart woman is worth more than gold. I divide people into fools and smart ones. You can have fun with the first ones. And you want to live and be friends with smart people.

  25. I'd love to be crushed. But only here as a rule these are old wise aunts who are old enough for me, if not for a mother, then for older sisters. And I've never seen a single girl of my age smarter than myself in person. It is clear that they exist. But these are hundredths of a percent of the total number of girls.

  26. A smart woman and a wise man are two different things.
    I don't belong to smart women because I'm a man, but I have a good opinion of smart women.
    And no, I'm not afraid of being ” crushed by intelligence.”
    – “From each according to ability, to each according to need.” or ” Each cricket knows its own pole.”

    By this I want to say that there is always a place for you intelligent women both in the teachers ' room and in the department.

  27. Before I answer, I'll ask the author of the question. What do you mean, “smarter than you”?

    When you ask such questions, please state their essence. Besides, we're all smart people. Practically-every person.

    It is clear that each of us is smart in our field of interests and / or in our profession. And in general.

    Therefore, your question is somewhat incorrect. It is better not to be “smarter than you”, but “more experienced than you”, or “wiser than you”, or “older than you”.

    Now I want to answer your question, a good one by the way..

    How do you feel about women smarter than you, are you not afraid to be “crushed by intelligence”?

    Good. Even if the mythical women are probably older than us, in this case, smarter than us, me. In general, I have a positive attitude. I like to communicate with such people, I learn from them, learn something new. I am not at all afraid of being “crushed by intelligence”. As long as she didn't show off. I say all this with 100% confidence, because I had a similar experience. Positive.

  28. I have a great attitude if we are together or close friends, I am always happy to learn something and a really smart person. Maybe you look at me on the books will get hooked, read at least actively start or some other actions for my development, with the girl we can run away, but the knowledge will remain.

    Well, you can not be an expert in everything and everywhere, you can only in specific growths.

  29. What do you mean by a smarter form? Logic is available to the unintelligent,unreasonable of course.For this reason, it is necessary to clearly specify the smarter form.So that there is no inconsistency

  30. We are afraid!

    We feel “out of place”in this case.


    BECAUSE IN EVERY MAN, no matter what character he has, no matter what his profession is called, etc … In addition to the “HIGHER” – the human mind, with clear ideas, reflections about ourselves (what distinguishes us, humans, from animals), there is also, conditionally – the “LOWER”, SUBCONSCIOUS.

    Something that is deeply instinctive, natural, that connects us with the animal world, the natural primary basis.

    And this little-known, but powerful NATURAL SUBCONSCIOUS, “sewn” in the INSTINCTIVE depth of the brain with the entire multi-million-year history of the existence of mankind, dictates to a man the role of the STRONG.

    The role of a defender, a breadwinner – in relation to the conditionally weak. In the natural world, women and children have always been “weak”. And all the roles then “coincided”.


    Therefore, a woman who openly demonstrates high intelligence (this is “strength” – intellectual strength) in relation to a man, or a high level of income (which is also a symbol of “strength”) – “castrates” (there is such an expression in psychology) at the subconscious level of a man.

    A man has a lot of conflicting feelings, thoughts, everything starts to “fall out of hand”. Out of nowhere, there is a feeling of self-doubt or irritability, etc.

    Without knowing the psychological nature of this phenomenon, a man may not even guess where these strange experiences suddenly came from.…

    I think I liked the woman, but something “went wrong”, something in her “not that…”: -)


    Psychotherapist – Kirill Gorelov

  31. To be honest, I haven't met such people. More experienced in some areas in which I have no experience-yes, perhaps, but smarter… In general, “smarter” is a rather vague concept, but if it concerns pure intelligence, then no, I haven't met such people.

  32. No, I'm not afraid, because I've almost never met such women who would be higher in intelligence than me. But it would be interesting to live with such a woman. Some women (from among the bosses) think that they are smarter than the men they lead, but this is their self-deception and fiction. In fact, they are not higher in intelligence at all, they are just sneakier, more helpful, ready to lick the ass of the owner/boss/director, so they move up the career ladder. Really smart women are often lonely, they do not find decent men, they live with whom they had to.

  33. It depends on what “smarter” means. Does it solve logical problems? Or just more well-read? Or does he understand the topic of men better than men? In any of these cases, my attitude towards women will not change, because I do not have to be wikipedia. Otherwise, women scientists would not be able to start a family)�

    The only time this is annoying is when a woman is trying to prove that she is smarter. In this case, the goals of communication do not coincide, and there is simply no need to communicate.

  34. For 5 years I have been dating a girl who knows two foreign languages perfectly, with a red diploma from Moscow State University and with great prospects for the future. I myself am quite erudite, but in all disputes she has an order of magnitude more arguments than I do. This is frankly annoying, it is impossible to argue with her, but, in general, it is the same relationship as everyone else. I'm even flattered that such a smart girl likes to spend her free time with me.

  35. I like to communicate with people smarter than me, who have achieved more than me, because you can learn new things from them + it's just interesting to talk to them. And the gender of a person is not important here at all!

  36. I have a very positive attitude towards all smart people: women, men, children, and pets. I would like to see as many smart people as possible, and no fools at all.

  37. Only such girls and prefer for a serious relationship. They are very interesting to work with. About her business, in which she is a specialist, she can talk for hours, and if you are completely zero in this topic at all, then it's doubly cool to learn everything from the very basics and there are never situations when there is nothing to talk about. I consider the fear of being “crushed by intelligence” to be unfounded, since such a girl will still not consider superficial guys for a serious relationship. When you are with such a girl, know that there is still something in you, in addition to natural beauty)

  38. I can say with confidence that my girlfriend is smarter than me. In her 21 years, she has read more mostly nonfiction literature than I will ever read in my entire life. After a year and a half of relationships, I became a different person. When you live with someone smarter than you, you are filled with knowledge yourself. You change your views on a lot of things. I am grateful to the universe for the opportunity to be with her.

    But there are also drawbacks. The girl is interested in psychology and philosophy. And I think, yes no I'm sure-she can manipulate me when she needs to. And it's hard to fight it, even if you understand it.

    And she herself is not easy with this brain, she is constantly digging somewhere as deep as possible and can not calmly take some failures. He tries to understand and control everything, and when he realizes that it is impossible to do this, he arrives in a state of permanent depression. And this is contagious, gentlemen.

    Smart girls to you.

  39. For a man, as for a woman, there is nothing shameful to see someone more beautiful, stronger or smarter than yourself. Another thing is upbringing and natural inclinations. I'll explain:
    A man with predominantly masculine traits (i.e., traits expected by society from a man) is an extrovert who is directed to the outside. He only cares about his importance in society, status, etc. A woman may be smarter than him, and he will look at it even with a little curiosity, but he will not tolerate moments when society sees that he is somehow inferior to a woman. At home, that's another question.
    A man with feminine characteristics , on the contrary, is an introvert. For him, it is more important how he feels, and the rest of him, roughly speaking, does not care. In society, such a person can keep silent when they are pressed there (by force, intelligence, etc.), but at home they will disperse.�

    Speaking about natural inclinations, I note that the line between a man and a woman is conditional (it all depends on the level of hormones). Nature is not a fool to make a clear distinction on the basis of gender. The presence of a pussy is not yet a sign of masculinity, as in fact, and the vagina…

  40. A smart woman is fine. Smarter than me , even better. But one “but”. If you are smart, you should understand that my ESV, like all people, is not stable and, so to speak, occasionally take pity on me, do not reach out and do not tell me something smart or interesting.
    And it would be so good if such a girl on the turn pulled to her level.

  41. Extremely positive. First, without false modesty, I will say that in my case, such women are museum exhibits, the rarest phenomena in the population. And even to have such people among just friends, not to mention cases of “friends with benefits”, is extremely pleasant. Secondly, a smart woman doesn't need to explain some obvious things (for example, the other day one of my mistresses tried to help me with cooking and decided to turn the fried soup with a LADLE, fuck it), you can communicate with her without condescension and vocabulary adjustment, and you don't need to tell her that you are at work today for a long time because you need money and By the way, in the case of stupid women, work is really more interesting, so many ladies whose husbands and boyfriends disappear at work of their own volition, and not because of accidents, should think carefully if there is something to do. Third, a smart woman as a life partner motivates you to develop, because sooner or later you will feel ashamed that you have such a cool wife, and you are a sad loshara and do not know how to do anything.

  42. Yes, for God's sake, let him be smarter. I feel quite good about it. If only she didn't brag about it every second, and didn't overestimate her own intelligence. There are such “ladies”, fate gave them a mind from nature, but unnecessarily often sticking it out and demonstrating (to the point and not), they eventually turn into totally unpleasant ponting fools. What I'm afraid of is when a woman's hands are twice as big and hairy as mine, and my size 45 foot looks like a child's sandal compared to her “shoe”.

  43. Oh my god… just gorgeous! I love people who surpass me in something, and if it's a woman… there's no stopping me now! They are like an insanely sharp, elegant blade – an incredible beauty, but dangerous. But if this miracle is in your hands-lucky guy! The main thing is not to break, and do not cut your fingers)

    It's cool when she surpasses you intellectually! In this case, you can learn a lot from her, learn a lot, and then grow with her!

    In a word, I love you. I love such women. As for the others, I don't know, it doesn't make any difference)

  44. I've never met such women.But I think it's not about gender,but about the degradation of the majority of the population, especially young people.By degradation, I mean the unwillingness to think, to read,to ask questions about the meaning of existence.

  45. Being close to someone who is stronger and higher, you start to strive for more. But, however, not always. I think the concept of “smart woman” is too general in itself. Perhaps you meant “successful woman”? Or, “educated”? Or, after all, “wise”?

  46. I'm afraid: D

    I am comfortable with the relationship model when I understand why people need each other and what they expect from each other. Not that I'm really smart, but in other areas, if you take the average, I'm worse (well, not funny and not handsome), and if I'm also a fool against the background of a lady-then this is such a very controversial relationship).

    I once had a fairly long-term relationship where I was a “dumb hopot”, but there, in comparison, I was “the soul of the company and no tower at all”, so overall it was quite OK.

    But in business relationships, I really appreciate smart women – there are a lot of benefits, and envy women who are smarter and more visionary than me-somehow does not pull, there is only gratitude and sincere admiration, so with female managers or colleagues, I almost always have a warm relationship and mutual trust.

  47. Really smart women and people in general never push intelligence. This is a characteristic of snobs. When you understand this, this very “pressure by the intellect” is not felt at all and takes on a comical effect. In general, a smart girl skillfully plays a fool. And when you start to guess that you perceive her image of a fool on her own whim, that's only when you face “pressure”.

  48. Intelligence is unlikely to crush, rather the lack of logic between the once memorized facts. I respect smart women. And there is nothing to be afraid of, because those who are crushed by someone else's intelligence are given an incentive to develop.

  49. Due to my low intelligence, I probably won't even notice this fact, and if I do, I won't be able to realize it, so the answer is: “It's fine in general.”

  50. Show it to us and we'll discuss it. So far, I have seen those who cringe or, due to their limitations, do not know how to adequately evaluate either themselves or people… But to be smarter. I've never seen it.

  51. More intelligent… I do not think that it is correct to say smarter, it is impossible to be a master everywhere, there are always areas in which one or the other is better. If we talk about the level of education / income – why should I care, the main thing is that we should be cool together, and who is a master's degree there, and who is a locksmith of the 3rd category is not important) If a girl doesn't try to impose a toxic relationship model and try to take control of my life, that's fine. And most importantly, the level of income is not an indicator. For example, I earn always unstable, exactly as much as I need, sometimes very much, sometimes almost zero when I have nothing to spend money on and I live in a semi-ascetic mode and it is quite possible that in many months the girl will earn more than I do-well, what is the problem here. But I will never take money from my partner for myself, it is her money, she can dispose of it as she wants, and if I was too lazy to work, then I will just squeeze in spending, and I will not ride on someone else's neck. I am a supporter of the approach-do not go into each other's wallets. Everyone skidyvaetsya for general needs as needed, there is no general budget (applicable only to girls, with children another gimmick, I don't have them). Complex because of the level of income of a wife can only be insecure men who need to gain superiority over someone, take protection, and so on.

  52. If the goal of a woman is not just to “crush her intellect” and thus assert herself at my expense,then I am normal. I even feel good about it. If a person is smarter than me, then I definitely have something to learn from them.

  53. I don't know, I don't see women as rivals at all, and therefore I don't compete with them. This is probably my ancestral memory. Although she will go out of her way to prove to the “louts” that she is the same or even better than them, I somehow don't care.

  54. I have a very positive attitude to smart girls who just don't try to “crush me with intelligence”, which in fact turn out to be only superficial knowledge. Because a smart girl, like a smart guy, of course, will not intentionally crush anyone with her intelligence. Smart people don't need to assert themselves at the expense of others.

    It just so happens that now intelligence and education have been leveled in favor of the beauty industry. Some girls worry about a sudden pimple popping up, about clothes wet with sweat after physical activity, about unshaven armpits that someone accidentally saw, about the lack of a” fashionable ” hairstyle, but they completely miss the moment that they read the last book before the literature exam about six years ago, that they do not rummage in history, physics, architecture, or biology. Absolutely not steamed over the fact that they have nothing to talk about banal. Don't do that. After all, nothing makes a person so beautiful as a luxurious mind, isn't it?

  55. What's there to be afraid of? When your partner is an educated person, with whom there is something to talk about, learn something, learn something-is it a bad thing?

    In my opinion, this is very cool!

    From my experience of communication, I can say that with people who have low intelligence, it is difficult to find common topics, and even in a normal conversation, when you try to joke or make comparisons using common facts and knowledge, the passion may not understand what you wanted to say at all, and this is at best.

    What difference does it make who seems more intelligent: a man or a woman? If there is a craving for knowledge, self-development, then this is undoubtedly a very big plus, regardless of gender, and it would be stupid to deliberately “put pressure on intelligence” in order to assert yourself.

  56. In general, this is a difficult question. On the one hand, a smart girl is better than a stupid chatterbox. On the other hand, when there is a feeling that you are inferior in intelligence, then yes, there is bitterness in the soul. But this is only a grudge against yourself rather than the girl.

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