10 Answers

  1. In fact, you need to be yourself and only. Be sincere both with yourself and with your partner. After all, we do not love for some specific qualities of a person. We love it just about everything with flaws and differences of opinion. You just need to be able to find a common compromise, respect each other, and then everything will be fine)

  2. Of course, there should be common ground, but the most important thing is respect. After all, love alone is not enough. When two people respect each other and accept each other without poking around and imposing themselves with their own visions and interests, then harmony will reign between them. You can be completely different, but you can't imagine a second without each other.

  3. In my opinion, there are no contradictions here. Because in the first statement we are talking about interests, hobbies, and in the second-about character.

    “Opposites” in this context are people with different personalities. Agree, if there are 2 leaders or 2 wingmen in a pair, then they will be, to put it mildly, uncomfortable with each other. The characters of the partners should create a symbiosis, act as one organism: if one is passive and poorly informed in something, the second should be active and knowledgeable. But! (here we smoothly move on to the second point) a doctor of physical and mathematical sciences is unlikely to create a family with a graduate of an agricultural engineering school who milks cows from the age of 5, and knows nothing else and can not do it. When the passion passes in a relationship (sometimes based on ” how he / she pisses me off when…”) and the moment comes to search for “common points”, just the same common interests come first. Ideally, if people initially met in some thematic hangout, but most often this is not the case. Then the “lapping-up” process, which begins around the time people decide to live together, becomes more painful and forces partners to sacrifice some of their previous habits/habits/behaviors in order for the” common ground ” of common interests to grow and become more extensive. After all, the more people have common interests, the more common topics for conversations in the evenings and places to go together on a common weekend.

    In general, the recipe for a happy couple is very simple: you need to bring together 2 people with different characters who have as many interests in life as possible (and preferably if these interests are not opposite, because if you try to bring together, say, Tolkien fans, one of whom will stand for Era, and the second for Melkor, then violent disputes are guaranteed, but a happy marriage is unlikely).

  4. In Andre Mauroy's novel Letters to a Stranger, there is a chapter called ” on incompatibility in marriage.” The author writes: “In some cases, the opposite between spouses is not rooted in the difference in their intellectual or emotional level. It is based on a difference in habits. The husband was raised by thrifty and prudent parents, the wife by a reckless and rather disorderly mother. A young wife is not accustomed to running a household, the need to calculate expenses makes her sad, and the concept of a “family budget” sounds empty to her. Conflicts in the house can not be avoided.If neither of them changes their habits, these quarrels can lead to serious problems.

    create incompatibilities. The same thing will happen if the rhythm of life in the

    both spouses are too different. Imagine an active, energetic husband, who has everything on fire in his hands, who wants to fill his life with all sorts of activities, various interests, likes to travel, have fun – and put him in the same team with a phlegmatic, sluggish, slow wife, constantly complaining of fatigue and longing for peace. He is always accurate, down to the minute, but she is always late, does not appreciate time. How to avoid collisions that will arise due to such a dissimilarity in the rhythm of life? Perhaps through mutual tolerance, but suffering is still necessary. If a common-mutually acceptable-way of life is not established, if closeness does not cement a couple of such dissimilar people, the incompatibility is obvious. So, get married to a man (or woman) whose views on the most important problems of life, even if not completely, but coincide with yours.” I think that says it all.

  5. Such a non-academic direction in psychology as socionics (may all the colleagues of the pl profession forgive me for mentioning and using it) has its own point of view on this issue. And if we discard all the specific nuances, then the conclusions can be drawn as follows:�

    1) the more different you are from each other, the more harmonious a couple you end up with. You can say that you cover each other's weaknesses. A banal example: one of you is very social and sociable, the other is reserved. You will balance each other, complement each other, open up new horizons for each other, and help solve problems.�

    2) if you are similar, you will get bored quickly, and secondly, you probably have the same problems. You understand each other very well in the context of these problems, but you can't help each other.�

    3) and finally, the most important thing. For harmony in a relationship, it's not enough to be opposites. It is important that you still have the same database. And everything else can vary. �What is considered a base – you can decide for yourself.

  6. If all people were similar, then this would not be the best option. It would just get boring. There would be one answer to everything: “so do I”,” so do I”,”so do I”… Ideally, in my opinion, partners should have a lot in common, but different opinions should also be present in some ways. The main thing is that they find a “common denominator” among themselves.

  7. Both are right. In some ways, you need to be similar, and in some ways different. If two people are not at all similar, but are rigidly opposed, then they may have a physical passion for each other, but it will not last very long,and then people will simply not be very comfortable with each other. If people are generally the same, then they will also become uncomfortable and bored with each other quite quickly. They will not be able to complement each other. An ideal relationship is a harmonious complement to each other. 🙂 As if there is some kind of interchange between two people.:)

  8. “We can only love what we can't do without; thus, by sacrificing our own interests for the sake of our friends, we simply follow our own tastes and inclinations. However, it is these sacrifices that make a friendship authentic and perfect. “La Rochefoucauld . From this, you can understand that both similar interests and opposite ones can attract. Personal experience is too small to draw conclusions, but the ideal would probably be to match physiological needs with intellectual ones, although this is probably very rare. And yet, the fewer factors that irritate each other, the greater the likelihood of a long-term union.

  9. Paul Geraldi put it this way:”You need to have something in common to understand each other, and something different to love each other.”

    And this is absolutely certain-the presence of a common one will ensure mutual understanding for a long period of joint life, and the presence of differences will retain interest in each other, since there is a mutual exchange of information, some personal development. Yes, and sometimes we need the support of a loved one who is mislabeled as ti, and sometimes-criticism of a loved one with a different view.

  10. I am one of the staunch supporters of the view that the main pillars on which relationships are built are the same social status (here I mean not so much the financial situation as the place on the social ladder), plus or minus a similar cultural background and the general direction of development (or degradation, which just does not happen). Yes, there are Cinderella stories. Yes, excellent students fall in love with bad guys. But when the period of love stupefaction subsides a little, irritation may appear. “How? Does it save on trash bags and read prices on the menu?!”'Oh my God, she doesn't know that Monet and Manet are two different people' and all that. As a result, there is nothing to talk about; misunderstanding, it would seem, in small things, but so painful that it creates a sense of frustration; dissonances and disputes about the future; different companies (because you don't want to show your friends, unfortunately)… Then everything is clear.

    But should there be opposites or is it better to have the same character? First, there are no a priori identical people. Secondly, read above about the “slave” and the one who “leads”. A pair is formed not because two perfectly shaped bricks easily touch, but because there is cement between two chipped stones.

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