The father insults the mother and children, raises his hand against his wife. But the wife forgives everything and stays. Why?

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2 Answers

  1. For example, here are excerpts from my next book, in addition to phrases about Stockholm syndrome and the lack of experience of normal relationships (my sister had them, but it didn't help her, because children, a business and an apartment registered to her husband are not the same as just a relationship):�

    “Getting tired is the easiest thing to do,” a beautiful girl once said. The phrase has been echoing in my head ever since. Suffering, by the way, is also the easiest thing to do, so masochistic scenarios of life when a girl marries a psychopath who humiliates and beats her-this has become a classic. You see, we are in so much pain, but this pain is so phantom that often we are looking for a way to get real pain, to stop burning in a cold fire. It is much more unbearable than real suffering, so the expectation of punishment is much more terrible than its fulfillment.”

    “And how did you explain to yourself why wives allow their husbands to beat them and mock them in every possible way? This is an incredible superpower to leave reality, your own life, and be unaffected by it, not to let it do this to you. Don't let reality tell you that you made a mistake, that you lost, that you need to make an effort to change your life. These people are happy to put in less effort than they have to. That's the whole reason for their hell. It seems to them a lesser evil than the work that a single wife has to do to support herself. Or, a person of either sex will be afraid to face some condemnation from relatives if the matter has gone too far and you pretended that everything is fine with you. The problem becomes more complicated if you tell your family what a wonderful wife you have. And when you're going to get a divorce, no one will understand you at all if you don't put in a huge amount of effort. And this whole situation loads a person, and under its influence, under the influence of really happening things, a person locks himself in the pocket of subjective happiness, in the pocket of any compensating things that can still allow a person to pretend that everything is good (to lie). Surely you haven't consulted families when you see their happy Instagram: This is the Mecca of lies, its ultimate and all-powerful abode. People seem to exist in two different universes at the same time, and this may suit them. My sister is currently married, and I know what the human brain is capable of.”

    If you don't stay, the chances are too high that you won't be able to cope, starve to death, and so on. It's too complicated, because everything has gone too far and you can only take it out for two people. Some situations are easier, so people break up there. There are hopeless situations even from the point of view of lack of money or inability to earn money on their own (one of my clients was disabled due to her husband's mistake on the road). Anything can happen. It's not usually because of the good life that they do this. Judging the family, society, fear of being a bad mother who will deprive children of their father, and so on. Too much. Many. Reasons.

  2. There are several variations here:�

    • National features of the family unit – for example, the departure of a wife from a tyrant husband-will be strongly condemned by society, by older family members. As a result, there may be “rejection of the community”, disapproval of parents, and the wife may never see her children. This outcome is perceived as more terrible than violence.
    • Abusive relationships in which the husband is the abuser, and the wife, respectively, is the victim. In such a situation, after committing an act of violence (physical, psychological, sexual), the abuser assures the victim that she is to blame, destroys her self-esteem, and completely takes control of her life. In such a situation, the husband may even sometimes give his wife a caress, thereby making her think, ” maybe she is really to blame?”.
    • “The hysterical wife.” Consciously chooses a negative character as her companion, who will drink, beat her, and humiliate her in every possible way. The wife in this situation is demonstratively unhappy, likes to complain to everyone around her about her difficult fate, but despite all the seemingly objectively unfavorable aspects of her existence, she will not leave such a husband. For such a character, it is extremely important to receive sympathy from society, it is extremely important to be unhappy and “good”. If there is no bright negative example on the contrary, which is “definitely bad”, then it is not clear whether the wife is really “good”.�
      Of course, this is a figurative typology, and each situation needs to be dealt with individually. But I hope you've found some answer for yourself.

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