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before you understand how to love yourself, you need to define the concept of self-love. And then explore the opposite of how a person does not love himself? How did he learn that? And who taught themselves not to like him in the environment.
There is an opinion that if a person pays a lot of attention to himself, then he is a narcissist and loves himself very much. But this is not quite true, with a narcissistic disorder there is no self-love, there is a lot of shame and false Self that people with this disorder create so that no one sees their inner defect. The power of shame is so strong in them that it is not possible to bring themselves and others closer, so it splits into another Self and from there a person appears who demonstrates his love for himself to everyone. And from this false Self, it can seem that they love themselves, dress beautifully, do not deny themselves anything, are arrogant, have two poles idealization and depreciation. As well as NRL, they have impaired attachment, which allows them to build relationships with other people on a deep and emotional level.
It is not necessary to expect that they will “love you”. It is also not necessary for happiness (we strive for it, right?).
I would, for example, say:“Love yourself, and then love others.”
People understand different things by the word love.
This is the meaning that is close to me:
Love (for another person) it's your actions that make his life better.
Accordingly, self-love is your actions that make your life better (not to be confused with momentary pleasures that destroy your life).
You will learn to improve your life, and then you will be able to do something useful for others.
In reality, these are usually parallel processes. That is, you don't have to wait until you completely learn to love yourself. You can immediately learn to love others in parallel ))
The question may arise: why should you love others?
Then think about it, have you ever enjoyed doing something for someone (for free)?
I hope the answer is yes.
I think you also enjoyed getting something that was pleasant for you.
That is, it seems that pleasure can be obtained from both consumption and giving.
And here pay attention: any consumption can bring pleasure only up to a certain limit.
Sooner or later, there is an overflow, numbness, indigestion, delirium tremens, etc…
And you can give endlessly; -) There is no limit to this pleasure.
And in order to have enough strength for this, you need to love yourself – that is, take care of yourself, so that you have these forces.
In all these processes, perhaps, there is no place for narcissism. Narcissism is not about actions at all, but about self-love.
“Love your neighbor as yourself.” I think this phrase is the answer to your question. Healthy self-love also implies love for others, and with narcissistic disorder, there is neither one nor the other ( there is an “I in the eyes of another”).
It seems that narcissism is not love for oneself, but love for one's own external manifestations (or admiring one's image, which is perceived exclusively externally).
But a person is not only his external image, the attitude to which is changeable and relative. Self-love presupposes, first of all, a direct and constant feeling, independent only of changing external manifestations. It seems that it is impossible to feel love only for the external appearance at all, it is born and dies along with changes in this appearance, it is elusive.
And if a person's life consists of perceiving only external images (both his own and other people's images), then the attitude towards him will be a relation only to this or that image of him (a person in many ways manifests himself as he relates to himself). In fact, it will be perceived as a picture.But you can't love a picture…
Narcissists are infuriating because they look like narcissistic narcissists. This makes them infuriate everyone around them. There's a fine line between loving yourself and loving a narcissist, and it's important to notice it when you do. All this comes with experience
I would like to add one important nuance to what Viktor Ponomorev said. Narcissus is in love with his reflection in the pond. Reflection in this case is the keyword. Do you remember the legend itself? And the narcissistic person does not love himself, but his reflection in people, i.e. recognition, delight, admiration for himself by other people. Look at how dependent on this recognition, for example, the so-called pop stars, how they suffer when the public's attention switches to younger and more beautiful ones, how they are sophisticated in order to prolong the pleasure of their narcissism, initiate scandalous stories, disfigure themselves beyond recognition with plastic surgery so as not to completely lose their “marketable appearance”… Hard and sad. These people are often gifted by nature. But their talent works within the scope of their interest to “sparkle” on stage while possible.
To love yourself is, first of all, to know yourself without embellishment and not on the basis of the assessment of others, but on the basis of your own sober self-assessment. They learn this. Once you know yourself, you find in yourself, in addition to the advantages, and a lot of disadvantages. This is the law. The great poet and scholar Goethe once said that he knew of no sin that was not peculiar to him, except one (this uncharacteristic sin he considered envy). And knowing yourself as you are, you need to accept yourself with love, which does not mean indulging yourself. Consciously work on the negative, but forgive yourself for it, because self-denial is fruitless. Overall, this is a complex topic.
Daffodils are the reverse example. I don't really understand why they are so well-known, very rarely met. Narcissists are a form of bulging, self-love as a defensive reaction to extreme dissatisfaction with yourself. Much more often this is a feigned, fictional self-confidence, rather than real.
Normal self-love consists in recognizing that you are an average person, and you do not need to constantly think about yourself and take attention to yourself for this reason. There are many things besides yourself that are more interesting and better. At the same time, it doesn't make sense to put yourself on low proportions either, there is a real awareness that everything you want to do-you can do.