10 Answers

  1. There can be a huge number of reasons that can't be identified by a single phrase. There are a lot of reasons for such a reaction to care, below are some of them:

    • problems with self-esteem (a person believes that he is not worthy of care, and his irritation is rather directed not at the caregiver, but at himself)

    • unsolicited or too intrusive care is a violation of personal boundaries

    • a negative attitude towards the person who shows concern may also affect (for example, the girl left the guy, and he continues to come to work every night to pick her up in the evening to take her home)

    In general, each situation is unique))

  2. Everything correctly repels and irritates)) Aggression is a normal reaction to the violation of personal boundaries. And an unsolicited, unsolicited concern is exactly what trespassing is, an invasion. Patting on the shoulder, removing a speck from the shirt, unsolicited advice “and don't forget to wash your ears!..” – all this, often completely unconscious, or adjustment from above (nnnnaaaaaa! You're helpless, and I'm here in force, I'm better-resourceful-more important-older!!)… Whether it's an attempt to stick together without asking, there are no borders, so I'll wipe your ass right now, LIKE MYSELF…

    Still, this does not cause anger and rejection.

    And after all, such a caring person most often has no evil intentions. On the contrary, syrup and tremulous love of everything. It's just that he doesn't think about borders, he doesn't have such a thing in the “world map”; it's good – it's like for himself, as for myself, I-care-about-you, WHAT ARE YOU?!. You have no boundaries, what are such boundaries, I don't knock on your door, you should like how I take care of you from my fantasies about what is right and proper, and no, how is it for you, I won't ask, but why, my care is very good care, for your sake… ungrateful trash… for your sake!..

    (Found out? “Savior-Victim-Executioner”, a quick sequential change of all three roles , is the Karpman triangle. That's where it runs).

  3. When people don't ask you to take care of them and you take the initiative, it's called doing good. That is, you impose your help, your care on them, and therefore demonstrate your strength.

    My colleague said it correctly. When a person imposes his own good, when he is not asked , he seems to brag about his strength, while belittling the abilities of other people. As if to say: you can't do it yourself, you don't know how. I know I can.

    This behavior shows that you have low self-esteem yourself. And this method of forcing help actually increases self-esteem.

    You need to understand your complexes and understand why you want to help people. What gives you the state of being useful. And find a job or hobby where you can help people who really need help, without imposing. Where your abilities and knowledge will be appreciated and will make you happy.

  4. Caring and imposing your opinion (with the best of intentions, of course) are two different things. Probably, before you do something, it doesn't hurt to ask. We do not consider emergency assistance in this context.

  5. If the concern is unsolicited, then this is a clear violation of personal garnishes. Annoyance here is a marker that the line was crossed without asking. after all, the cooked soup can be followed by the phrase: “you will eat what they give. and here we are already talking about power and subordination.

  6. I don't want to show anyone my weaknesses.Never.Words of sympathy make me tearful and helpless.I don't believe in sincerity .All just words, words,words…

  7. There is a great deal of slyness in the question.
    Sincere care from the heart never repels or irritates anyone.
    And “caring” with interest is immediately felt and alarming. So do not shift someone's self-interest from a sick head to a healthy one.
    On the other hand, people who, for various reasons, are unable or unwilling to show genuine concern for others, indeed, often push them away and get annoyed when someone shows concern for them.

  8. Perhaps pride.Clear self-confidence(and this is not a bad thing). “I'll do it myself, I can handle it.” In any case, you should not be categorical,and it is better to learn to accept his care and advice.

    If you look at it from the other side – the fear of becoming attached to a person, and then losing both him and his care(the most likely reason).

  9. Because you are not someone with whom you can and would like to share these moments and take care.

    Others won't be able to help, do you know why? Because they are different. And where others can help, they will be asked to do so. People often do not correctly understand the word “care”, strenuously paying attention to some kind of weakness of a person, picking at details to sort out and understand, trying to cheer up absurdly , all this causes only a gag reflex. This behavior further inflates the problem and drives you into a state of helplessness.

    Do you want to support us? Ask what you can do to support them. If the answer is nothing, then accept it and remember the fact that any adult can independently cope with their own life tasks. And go get on with your life, I'm sure it needs you much more.

  10. To some extent, I am such a person.

    Perhaps this is because from the very childhood I was an autonomous and independent child, I always solved my problems myself, I didn't want to strain or bother anyone.

    I also notice that people (in the vast majority) judge by themselves and believe that if certain actions in their direction are useful and pleasant, then they should cause the same effect in others. This is often due to the fact that the environment (even the closest relatives and friends) misinterpret the motivation of my actions and choices. It seems to them that I do this in order to achieve such and such a result in such and such a way from such and such motives, and they try to help, but they do not guess either one or the other, or the third.

    I'm not a proud person, I'm not overly confident, I'm not afraid to appear weak, and I'm not afraid to get attached to someone if the person is good. I don't even think about all these things, but they were all listed as potential reasons for this operand modus in this thread. The only thing I will add is that I don't really like attention to my person, so maybe there is some kind of tie in this sense.

    I, of course, do not get annoyed and, even more so, do not show it, so as not to offend anyone and always thank you for showing concern. It is for the manifestation.

    It is clear that some things are not warned in advance and do not ask for permission, but sometimes it would help me a lot and save me some problems.

    In no case do I urge you to refuse to show concern for other people and animals. I really like to take care of and help everyone around me, but at the same time I always try to understand whether I really help and whether my actions give positive emotions to the object of my attention — which I encourage everyone to do.

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