4 Answers

  1. Maybe because the world is not very good. I'm not going to have children at all. Even if you exclude all the bad things that come with them, this world will simply devour anyone. Parenting requires punishment, restriction, a balanced attitude towards the child, my endless frustration with him, his frustration with me and the world. If I enter the merge — I'll endanger my psyche. If I go too far — I'll ruin my psyche. Step left, step right, digital age-hello antidepressants. And that's just what I can do, and there are so many other people around, so many ways to feel broken and useless. Maybe you are a good person because you can realize that this is not the best place for a child. Shame is different, but it can allow you to build adequate relationships. Personally, I didn't have enough of this shame from my parents. My father used to say, ” No one asks children. If they don't like something, they don't have to stay long.” There is too much pain in this world for an adequate person to be crazy about the fact that his child will live here.

  2. I don't know; some fantasy that the baby might have been “better off” if it hadn't been born, or that you “should” have put the world in perfect order first, and then-whoops! – it wasn't cleaned up.

    These are fantasies.

    Because:

    1. If he were not born, there would simply be no subject, nothing and nowhere else in his place. You are not a soul in the world called from a cloud, much cooler: you created with your beloved your child from nothingness, from never and nowhere. Do you really want to be ashamed of yourself in front of him for this??

    2. You are not God. Not even the lame Hephaestus, let alone Tov. Trinity. What the fuck are you ashamed of the imperfections of the world? Is it your creation? Where they gave birth, they gave birth there. A thousand years ago, it was dirtier and more dangerous here, and in a thousand years, no one knows what will happen. Now – quite yourself. If it grows , it will understand. This is HIS life. Not yours.

  3. A friend told how her older sister brought her to tears as a child saying that the Soviet Union collapsed because of her.

    author unknown

    guilt, guilt, shame-things are quite “flexible” and “programmable”, controlled and most importantly can slide both in the direction of insensitivity ( shamelessness, shamelessness), and in the other direction-the direction of excessive sensitivity, openness to guilt and shame where they should not take place in theory. For example, a person is ashamed of his opinion in front of others, is ashamed of his appearance, is ashamed of what people will think about him, can blame himself for all the world's evil, etc.and this can be a sign of a weak conscience, a conscience open to complexes and self-eating.�

    How to” adjust ” the conscience so that, on the one hand, it does not gnaw at its master for abstract things that are independent of him, and on the other, it is sensitive to his real omissions, shortcomings and delusions? These subtleties and their understanding can take a lifetime – in fact, it seems to me that the meaning of our life is precisely knowledge-knowledge of life, knowledge of good and evil, knowledge of purpose and meanings, etc. Life is a mystery, life is a gift, life is a punishment, life is a curse, it is vanity, torment, etc. – it all depends on how you personally understand life, as well as the causes and meaning of suffering in it. Revealing the meaning of life, a person reveals himself. If suffering is an absolute evil for a person, then he will treat human existence in this world as evil, and then the birth of his children may look like evil with all the consequences. But this is not how you think about life : societies have as many existential problems as societies that have poverty, need, crises, and disorder, and sometimes even more. In one study, which surveyed many people across all countries about whether they considered themselves happy, the results were unexpected: in some Scandinavian countries, which everyone considers to be the most socially democratic countries, the indicator was very low, while Bangladesh was close to the top.�

    The great psychiatrist Frankl, who went through Auschwitz and gave suffering a slightly different place in his life than you did, said so:

    As a rule, people tend to overestimate the positive and negative aspects or pleasant and unpleasant shades of their experiences. By attributing exaggerated significance to such moments, they develop an unwarranted tendency to complain about their fate. We have already discussed more than one interpretation of our thesis that “we are not sent to this world for pleasure.” We have emphasized that pleasure cannot give meaning to human life. And if this is the case, then the lack of pleasure does not detract from its meaning. Once again, we turn to art for examples: we just need to remember how unimportant it is to assess the artistic merits of a melody in which major or minor keys* it is written. Among the best musical compositions are not only unfinished symphonies, as we have already noted elsewhere, but also many “pathetic” works. Man in search of Meaning-V. Frankl

    • the minor key is an analogy of a life filled with drama, hardships, sufferings and sorrows.�

    http://www.youtube.com/embed/kY6qnf1fogY?wmode=opaque

  4. It's only natural that it's embarrassing. It is better for a person not to be born at all, especially in Russia. Why fill hell? My mother was also ashamed and wanted me to die as a child but she was afraid of prison because then there was a Stalinist law prohibiting abortions. And I didn't have the civic courage to commit suicide so I wouldn't be ashamed

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