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Many people choose to pretend and lie because they are afraid that others will not accept them for who they really are.
And there are two fundamentally different options:
And then, in order to avoid unpleasant consequences, but at the same time not to miss their benefits, they pretend and deceive.
And such people can start to pretend, and pretend to be someone more valuable and useful, in order to earn and win the respect (love) of their surroundings.
Many people go through this.
And only growing up, and understanding yourself, a person can eventually come to the conclusion that he does not need to pretend.
That if someone doesn't need it at all, then it means that you shouldn't try to build relationships with such people. After all, then you will have to sacrifice yourself naturally, in order to please them.
But the path to such an understanding is very difficult, and therefore very few people reach it.
People speak insincerely and pretend in order to protect their sore spots, but sometimes (oddly enough!) – other people's “sore” spots.
Well, for example, a conflict situation:
You have a weak spot, your mother doesn't like you, or rather you annoy her with your “wrong behavior”. It hurts you that you are not loved.
She's ashamed that she doesn't love you.
But in the morning you start to go around all the conflict areas, do not touch your mother's sore spot, and your mother tries to influence you as delicately as possible.
Can you imagine if both of you started to speak directly and openly about your dislike in the morning-to cut the truth right in your eyes?
Remember all your sore spots when you are rudely beaten in this particular place by others? You try not to provoke people by sticking out these places, don't you?
People don't tell you the truth on public transport right to your face about their dislike of you, do they? They hide, pretend, or lie that this behavior is unpleasant to them.
Such lies are only for the sake of peace and to avoid unnecessary conflicts.
And when mom tells you the truth and causes conflict, it's not for the sake of peace, but for the sake of treating the problem.
Do you need it?
Isn't that what all the troubles are about?
I'm sure you should add the word “some”here.
Thus, we will get something close to reality.
First, because in every person there is everything good and bad, and lies, and truth.
What a person will do in a second, even he himself does not know, because in most cases the person reacts, instead of responding after thinking.
The less time a person is allowed to respond, the more likely they are to respond in the standard way.
If he has previously reacted to such things by deception, he will deceive again, and if it is true, then he will react with the truth. I do not write here whether it will be a phrase or an action – the main habitual reaction.
Only when a person is moving towards some strategic goal of his own will he act, most often, using the truth, because in the long run his lie will become visible and the goal will not allow him to achieve his own lie. After all, you will need to remember who and what he lied to, so as not to confuse 🙂
THIS BEHAVIOR is built into people by Nature, from birth:
the same thing can be observed in the animal world –
this is necessary for self-preservation in an unkind and dangerous system of vital activity.
Lies can be benign and positive and salutary.
The truth can be malignant and negative and destructive.
There are millions of examples.
The most stupid person intuitively understands what an unkind and dangerous system of life he lives in and how to take this into account.
First, the concept of truth is always relative. Stating facts is another matter.
Secondly, I am convinced from personal experience that not everyone is ready to hear the truth if it hurts their feelings.
The person himself, under the influence of the protective mechanisms of the psyche, often engages in self-deception, what can we say about others.
The most important thing is to observe moderation in everything. And the truth is somewhere nearby.
To be what I am, you must first understand what I am, that is, know your “I”, and not consider yourself an identification with society, playing roles, in order to achieve either your desires, or wanting to please someone. Since childhood, everyone is given a certain portion of stereotypes and examples of the life of parents and loved ones, whose behavior patterns are adopted and subconsciously (otherwise not consciously) carried through life. So almost everyone pretends, because most people don't know their “I”.
THE AUTHOR OF THE QUESTION is very naive :
This is all the BASICS of life.
No one asks people what they prefer –
people are forced by the system of life to pretend and lie for the sake of solving the problem of survival and career –
such pressure is difficult/impossible to dodge.
Because it's so convenient. This makes it possible not to attract unnecessary attention, avoid many questions, even condemnation. Not everyone needs the truth. Often, if a person is different from others, they have to justify why they are “different”. Sometimes people just don't want to show others any aspects of their personality. Or they lie and pretend to cheat, avoid an uncomfortable situation or get out of it, get a profit. In my opinion, in our society in general, it is very difficult to always be yourself and tell only the truth.
There are several reasons for this, among which there are: 1) fear of inappropriate behavioral reactions – when the interlocutor can use physical force or revenge; 2) loss of a social circle, and as you know, few people are able to live with a small circle of trust and interlocutors;
3) loss of social status in terms of dismissal or even loss of freedom
The reason people lie is because they are afraid of consequences or what others will think if they tell the truth. People want to please others, and this desire encourages them to distort the truth. But there was one man on earth who never lied, even in the face of death. Who do you think it is?
It depends on what kind of lie it is.
You can lie about your height or weight or age – it's not even a lie, but just a fantasy.
Or you can lie, hiding that you killed someone on vacation and buried them in the woods.. well, as if such a truth will not bring good to anyone..
So lying is not bad, the main thing is to understand why and why it is needed.
Well, among other things, many people are not ready to accept a person for what he is.. . take the same Hannibal Lecter…
Yes, everything is simple. Basically, many people in life (in their opinion) are gray and sad, so they paint it with lies in all serious cases, so much so that sometimes they believe it themselves.
When a person lies, he distorts reality( truth), i.e. contradicts God and the Universe, in which everything that happens on earth, including the actions and thoughts of a person, is “imprinted”. It's bad if lying becomes a habit. Folk wisdom: “If you sow an act, you will reap a habit. If you sow a habit, you'll reap a character. If you sow character, you will reap destiny. ” So, with a “curve”, a person turns into a crooked path, with all the ensuing consequences…
Different religions have different priorities.
In Christianity, lying is a sin.
In liberalism, lying is a tool that is used to achieve a goal. The unskillful use of lies is condemned here.
Lying is easier than telling the truth. They learn to tell lies from childhood. Love for her is reinforced by the buns received immediately after what was said. A morally mature person can realize that the truth brings much more positive things, but in a long period of time. To lie, get a piece of candy, and then find yourself in a swamp of your own lies, or to tell the truth, get a slap on the head, and come to such circumstances in which there will no longer be a need for lies.
Because in reality, people are imperfect and sinful.(Romans 5: 12)How sin entered the world through one man (Adam)…. Everyone became sinful. When a person sees the peephole of a camera, he tries to do the right thing, because he understands that a camera is watching him and he will have to answer to the law. And if everyone remembered that they were being watched by the loving eye of God, to whom they would also give an account in due course, the world would be a better place. His law says, ” Do not lie to one another.” Then people would live with a clear conscience before God and before each other. Such a future lies ahead.
Because often there are situations when it is easier and better to pretend and lie) I can't say it's a bad thing. You can try reading “Games that people play”
Look at yourself in the mirror…listen to the recording of your voice…do you recognize yourself? Are you as smart as you thought you were? Now compare how your friends, enemies, or just strangers see you. Who's lying? Them or you? And where is the true you, the one who speaks the truth? Finally, where is your self? In the heel? In the ear? Where? You'll find it…write here. Good luck
“Every soul is by nature a Christian,” said the great Tertullian many centuries ago. This means that everyone knows what is good and what is bad at the subcortical level. People lie to hide from others the bad things that their soul condemns.
Backfill question – have you ever lied? Have you always told the truth? I advise you to refresh your memory a little and read a few books: “Childhood Themes “(1892),” High school students “(1893),” Students “(1895),” Engineers “(1907) by Garin-Mikhailovsky, as well as Leo Tolstoy's autobiographical trilogy” Childhood”,” Adolescence”,”Youth”.
Lying is something that any child or teenager goes through. This is part of a person's spiritual upbringing and self-education.
***
And this is normal. Is there a saving lie? Things happen. When a seriously ill person is not told, for example, that something has happened to their loved ones, because they know that at the moment they can not be disturbed – an attack will begin, which can lead to death.
Just in the process of education and in the process of becoming, a person should (somewhere from the experience of others, somewhere, stuffing their own bumps, and sometimes through punishment) understand that lying is basically bad, but there are situations when you can't tell the truth.
***
The example is provocative. You watch a detective story, in which an operative or investigator starts telling half-truths or lies to get a statement from the criminal. Is this bad or good?
***
You know that your neighbors ' child is adopted. The child did not know this, but began to suspect something, came to you and asked: “You have been living in this house for 20 years, and I am only 12 years old, so you should know – did my parents adopt me? Or are they my family?” What do you say? After all, you will understand from his words that the child does not know anything, the parents, apparently, do not want to tell him about it. Will you tell the truth?
***
There are “professional” liars. This is a pathology, sometimes a bad upbringing.
There are people who find it difficult to understand what is true and what is false, because they constantly want to present themselves in a better light than they really are, to talk about their super-professional qualities (or not professional, but personal). But these are, as a rule, people with good abilities, maybe even exceptional talent, but due to life circumstances, they did not achieve what they wanted. Often such people are alcoholics, people who are addicted.
***
But if everything is all right with a person, then he will also lie, because the truth is different from the truth, just as one lie is also different from another.