12 Answers

  1. Almost everyone has their own belief system: “good / bad, fair / unfair”. Sometimes he is very well aware of the fact of its presence, and everything that is included in it. Sometimes it is only partially aware, and sometimes it is not aware at all.

    Envy, in my opinion, occurs when a person meets with an example of conditional “reward” of another person (material goods, intelligence, appearance, character traits, etc.), but, in accordance with his belief system, believes: the reward is not deserved: “What is it for him?!”.

    Of course, it includes a sense of justice: “Why does he have this (certain material or non-material goods), but I don't?” or the fear of comparison: “What if what he has (usually it concerns non – material things: intelligence, beauty, charisma, etc.) is cooler than mine?”

    If a person is aware or semi-aware that he is envious, then it is somewhat easier for him to cope with the situation than for someone who is envious unconsciously. He can devalue other people's resources or achievements according to the principle of the Fox from Krylov's fable “The Fox and the Grapes”. He can use the support of religion. He may come to the philosophical conclusion that everyone has their own way, and for each success there is a price to pay. Probably, more options are possible.

    It turns out that in the case of envy, people are driven by the desire for justice in life – such as they understand it, each for himself. And in particularly severe cases, envy is also one of the channels for resetting aggression about dissatisfaction with yourself. After all, in some situations, you can make an effort to achieve the same, or even more, than the object of envy. But it's hard. In some situations, on the contrary, no matter how much effort you make, it is clear in advance: there is no chance to “catch up and overtake” the object of envy. Accepting this fact is also not an easy task. And the point of envy is to convince yourself, ” I'm good, they're bad. I'm just unlucky.”

  2. People are jealous of others because they don't see enough value in their lives, or in themselves.

    “Now, if I had the same car as A., then I would be great. And without a car, I'm a loser.”

    They are driven by the desire to find some clear answer to the questions of life. For example: “What do you need to have to feel like a worthy person?” “What does it take to be happy?” It seems that such answers are easy to find when looking at, for example, instagram.

    “U. K. there is a husband and a child, in the photo she is happy. I'm not. I also need a husband and a child, then I'll be happy right away.”

    Meaning: a clear picture of the world. The brain really does not like unanswered questions, the main goal of thinking is to create correct forecasts. The more accurate your predictions, the better your chances of survival. Therefore, finding the answer is even more important than living in peace.

    How envy helps you understand your life

    So, if a person has low self-esteem, he does not feel happy and worthy to live, then envy will come to the rescue:

    “People with expensive cars are happy. They don't live in vain. If you get an expensive car — you will become worthy. In the meantime, you're a loser. It's simple.”


    “You have to be the best. Only then are you worthy to live. If your neighbor has a better car than yours, make sure that they don't have that car anymore. And then you'll be better off than he is. If you're not ready to set your car on fire, find out how this neighbor is worse than you. Convince yourself that he is a fool or a bad person, then at least you will be morally better.”

    Unfortunately, when a person gets a dream car (marriage, popularity, whatever), they find that the rush of happiness quickly evaporates. He still feels unworthy in the back of his mind and has to find a new answer. Maybe now we should start envying those who own yachts?

    Looking at others and wanting the same thing for yourself is not bad at all.

    As long as we don't feel unhappy ourselves and don't cause harm to others. This helps you set goals that are pleasant to go to, gives you the joy of achieving.

    Where does envy come from and what to do with it

    If there are goals, achievements, but no joy, then the reasons lie deeper. The feeling that you deserve to live, as well as self-esteem is formed in childhood. If, for example, you were constantly compared to others. Example:

    Little Masha hears every day: “Katya is studying for only A's, and even plays the violin, and you are stupid, you can't solve a simple example.” Masha sets an example and quietly hates Katya: because of her, Masha's parents don't like her! I wish she'd disappear somewhere. When Masha grows up, she will be annoyed by those who have a better career. And she herself will feel like a failure, even if she has achieved a lot.

    Such problems can be solved in therapy. I often work with the topic of envy. To inspire others ' success, rather than make them sad, you need to have support inside. The feeling that you are worthy of love, worthy of life, regardless of whether you have a car or not. And in therapy, we cultivate such support.

    I wish that the success of your friends will bring you only joy and inspiration!

  3. Hello! I started my timid steps towards writing a book with this topic. The feeling of envy! I was so caught up in all this stuff that I gathered a lot of material and my book was almost written. But so far I haven't dared to finish it and release it. This topic is very interesting and it led my thoughts like a river to the sea.

    In short, if we explain, then every feeling inside us has its own thermometer. There is a feeling of positive , average , negative and very negative. The feeling is so strong that it is called black envy. And from what a person's condition is, such is his envy .

    For example, the feeling of envy. Have you noticed that some people openly and with a smile on their face say: “How I envy you!” And they don't seem to hide it much. Because, in fact, there is nothing to hide. A desire appeared in a person, and he expressed it. And the person himself is very positive, friendly and easy.

    But take another person, he is silent or deliberately hides his true feelings, then his envy is already different. It is expressed in his facial expressions. In words and expressions. And he will no longer tell you that he is jealous, but everything will tell you about it in him. We will notice a change in mood, perhaps a headache , blood pressure will jump, etc. Or make a rude joke. This only means that inside him feelings are in the lower registers of this scale. And all his feelings will be at the bottom. A feeling of fear, a feeling of anger. This person has lost control of their feelings and is now unable to control them. The feeling of fear causes jitters. Feeling of envy -a burning sensation in the chest . The feeling of anger hits my head so hard that I want to explode. That's how a person struggles with his unmanageable feelings and can't do anything about it .

    We have a very complex system inside, which is subject to our subconscious. And all these reactions are registered in his body as a new program. A person has lived for so many years and allowed himself such feelings, not realizing how dangerous and wrong it is for his soul.

    Our soul is made up of love and light. Out of positive good energy. And each person can afford the uppermost registers of all feelings. He can preserve the light and love of his soul, and then each of the senses can serve him faithfully and rightfully . After all, each of their feelings has the best manifestation. And the feeling of fear can be adequate-this is our protection and the feeling of anger is also needed in our lives. And envy is the best judge of our true desires and aspirations. And this is what sometimes leads us to our goal, motivates and encourages us. There is nothing wrong with a person, there is delusion and not understanding yourself. You just need to learn how to harmonize it all. And in order to properly tune in or change programs, it will now take time. It is necessary to raise the state itself, that is, the tone. Raise the vibration is still said. This is exactly what psychologists should do. They should measure the state of our feelings and put them in order that is in accordance! So if you are worried about envy, it means that there is a disorder of your internal system. You need to find a master and he will help you come to a harmonious state. Please contact us and we will fix everything.

  4. Competition, rivalry, the desire to win. At the heart, perhaps, is exactly this.�

    Any feeling is a signal of need.

    Envy is one of the signals that we would like to get ahead of someone. Or at least catch up.

    It's not “bad”. Any signal is valuable. Then the next question is: how do we choose to deal with this knowledge of our need?

    And this is an arbitrary act. Choice, decision.

    Footnote: There is no “right” choice. Any choice has its pros and cons)

  5. You know, I really liked the way you put your questions, and that's why I'll try to answer them.

    I will ask for help from those people who really understood what envy is, knew this ENEMY in person, and did not just talk about envy.

    Envy is the root of all evil, the source of desolation, the hotbed of sin, and the cause of crime . Cyprian of Carthage, 64, 315).

    ..He who desires to be glorified among men cannot be without envy; but he who has envy cannot acquire humility (St. Abba Isaiah 59: 216).

    Envy is sorrow for the welfare of one's neighbor (St. John the Baptist). St. Basil the Great, 8, 155).

    Envy is less harmful to outsiders, but it is the first and nearest evil to the one who has it (St. John the Baptist). St. Basil the Great, 8, 155).

    Envy is the most insurmountable kind of enmity (Svt. St. Basil the Great, 8, 158).

    Envious people can be recognized somewhat by the face itself. Their eyes are dry and dull, their cheeks are sunken, their brows droop, their soul is outraged by passion ,and they do not have a correct judgment about objects (St. John the Baptist). St. Basil the Great, 8, 161).

    The “envious one” is obnoxious to all, is an enemy to all, hates all, is hypocritical before all, plots against all, wears a disguise before everyone… (St. Ephraim the Syrian, 30: 25-26).

    The “envious one” now makes friends with one, and tomorrow with another, and changes in his disposition to everyone, imitates the desire of everyone, and after a while condemns everyone, denigrates one before another… (St. Ephraim the Syrian, 30, 26).

    …Such is envy: it goes against one's own good, and an envious person would rather endure a thousand calamities than see one's neighbor glorified. St. John Chrysostom, 44, 835).

    Just as the worm that is born in a tree first eats the tree itself, so envy first crushes the very soul that gave birth to it in itself. But to the one whom she envies, she does not do what she would like to do, but what is absolutely contrary (St. John the Baptist). St. John Chrysostom, 47, 516).

    I hope that the words of these HOLY people will definitely help you!

  6. Because from childhood, people are instilled a sense of competition. This is envy. That is, “you must become the best, the first” – in the yard, in kindergarten, at school, etc. and someone's visible progress becomes a reason to make even greater efforts to become cooler. From the very beginning, not always, but there is a substitution of concepts-to become better(that is, to acquire, cultivate the best human qualities in relation to others) to become the first. This is a motive, an imposed motive, and the majority lives by it. Why is that? Because parents are also brought up and, in principle, they can't give their children something that they don't have, but they can eat what they have. This is called living on a subconscious, accumulated and established level in the mind. There is a conscious life, that is, having an understanding of the ultimate goals of actions, their consequences, and subconscious, in fact, based on acquired instincts, made up of instilled stereotypes, matrix stamps from the media or the ideology of a particular society. The root cause is a lack of knowledge and a life filled with fragments of knowledge that the media constantly gives and replenishes, which deprives people of the very opportunity to concentrate on questions about their own lives.

  7. Just believe me. Not all people are envious. But most people are, yes, envious. Moreover, it is believed that there are two types of envy. White and Black. White, then when you want everything to be just as good for you. Black when you want to make the other person feel bad. I don't have any of them.

  8. Everyone has a tendency to envy. This is one of the manifestations of the sinful nature of man. Envy awakens in a person the desire to get what others have or the desire that they should lose it. Growing, envy can completely take over a person and deprive him of happiness. You have to fight envy. To do this, you need to develop modesty and humility. “Don't do anything out of selfishness or vanity. Be humble and consider others above you. ” – The Bible, Philippians chapter 2 verse 3.

  9. People are jealous because they don't know how to be genuinely admired. Instead, they begin to compare, recognizing their limitations and imperfections, causing anger in themselves. A simple example, one person will be happy with a good mood and another with a bad one. The feeling of envy will make you throw out so much muck that a happy person will feel unhappy, and who was in a bad mood will be happy that someone is worse than him.

  10. People are sometimes envious just like that, it is inherent in nature. And in life , just as there is a place for heroic deeds, so there is also a place for envy. One lady told me that she had never been jealous in her youth, but as she grew up, her attitude to life changed a little and sometimes there was envy. But she's a good girl, as she says – turns on the fool and imagines herself young again and everything passes.

  11. Good afternoon. Here we have a colleague at work, a beautiful smart and hardworking woman. She has a family and a child. It is secured. But I know she's ahead of me. And there is an emotion of aggression associated with this comparison, evaluation. It turns out that this is a natural mechanism that produces aggression. But where to send it depends on the person. White envy is when a person directs an emotion to their development. And black – to destroy the other.

  12. Envy is a very good feeling if handled correctly. Envy is one of the indicators of what you really want. That is, your desires and your needs. If you study who you are envious of and why, you will gain a better understanding of yourself.

    Well, then see if you are ready to pay for your wishes.

    There is Petya, who can play the piano perfectly. And I really envy him. I'm starting to dig in the direction of what should I do with that? Why envy? I understand that I envy the fact that Petya performs in public and gets a standing ovation. Easier – gets recognized. Here is the need!

    Then I think about how expensive it is for me to reach Petya's level. It is necessary to study with teachers for 8 hours every day, spend money, and close many other opportunities for yourself. Am I willing to pay this price? If so, go ahead! If not, I start thinking about how I can get my share of recognition in other ways. And suddenly I realize that sports are much closer to me: more interesting, more desirable, and more understandable. Will I be able to reach a level where I will be admired? If you try, then for sure.

    So envy itself is useful. And how to deal with envy itself is up to you. You can go into passive aggression mode and take revenge on someone you envy. Or you can, as I wrote above, explore and understand the essence.

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