One Answer

  1. Because they know from personal experience that you can count on more than just yourself.

    There is, very roughly separating, a culture of individualism and a culture of collectivism.

    For a person who has embraced the culture and practical philosophy of individualism, it is a truism that you can only rely on yourself. Yes, there are people we love and who love us.

    But if everything is happy, then our parents die before us.

    If everything is happy, our children grow up and have their own separate life (this is actually a drama, if for a 40-year – old boy the closest woman is his mother!).

    Yes, the wife/husband – but they can stop loving, you can stop loving, a brick can fall on them (pah-pah); in short, there can be no guarantees: this is life.

    This is adulthood, independence, freedom and responsibility.

    But there is also a culture of collectivism. If you behave properly, like everyone else, you will be rewarded, you will be taken care of. And this is also a reality, the child gets such an experience! This is a culture of obedience.

    They say that a child is not obedient and independent at the same time. Adult – too!

    Without any villainy, it is pragmatically useful to have obedient citizens who know that you need to behave correctly, and then you should be taken care of. The only correct one exists! Who knows what's right? Mom. Chief. Everyone (all decent people). TV (how to build your love, who are the fascists this season and who should you vote for). The guru. Often their own children (almost every child of mine at a certain age tried to explain to me that here is a GOOD dad-he buys children snickers when they ask!))

    Traditionally, the United States and Western Europe belong to the predominant culture of individualism.

    Countries of the former USSR (except the Baltic states), Asia, Latin America – to the culture of collectivism.

    And this is not just a matter of state propaganda. This also permeates the everyday life of families. In families of collectivist culture, children very often receive codependent relationships as a model, which are described by the famous “Karpman triangle”: Savior-Victim-Executioner, and they simply do not learn to be in a relationship on a different basis, there is no model. And people have experience that it is very possible to exist in this way, in general!

    Once again, people may not even have an image, an idea of creating a different type of relationship, in all the details of everyday life.

    This is what Eric Berne wrote about in People Who Play Games. – There are games , and there is intimacy, that is, open, sincere personal and business relationships built on mutual benefit. So, people who are independent and clearly realize that no one owes anyone anything can build closeness among themselves. And games are about debt / guilt, very exciting, many different bright aniline feelings… the only thing is that this is a surrogate of intimacy, not intimacy.

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