29 Answers

  1. In my own experience, when I removed from my life all those who “pull me to the bottom”, I not only found it easier to breathe, but also much more energy to do what I love. I stopped wasting my time on meaningless reasoning and negative emotions.�

    Being alone, by the way, is not at all scary if you need and are interesting to yourself. I am interested in myself and I will always find something to do. And I'd rather do it. Plus, as already mentioned above, it is almost impossible to stay in absolute solitude.�

    I strongly advise you to remove all those with whom communication slows you down. I've made this mistake in the past, but I feel great now.

  2. Right or wrong – you decide for yourself, because many people are not ready to give up comfort for growth – and this is also a choice. Depends on what you want.

    In neurosis, for example, a person is not able to give up the comfort of a certain situation, and is forced to maintain these dragging connections to the bottom, because there he unconsciously receives some secret satisfaction – and does not want to lose it.

  3. Right or wrong individually for each person. Some people are comfortable in this situation, while others are not.

    If you decide to give up your usual lifestyle in order to take care of yourself and your development, then you are unlikely to stay alone for long. A person changes – the environment changes, it's natural: new acquaintances, new connections.

    Unless, of course, you specifically avoid people.

  4. Judging by the word “right”, the only thing that really interests you is to appear “good” to a select group of people around you. And their interests and the quality of their own lives do not have such weight. This is the main road not even to the bottom, but to the bottom. Note that almost half of the entertainment literature is based on this trap. This fact can lead to the right thoughts, if you think about it a little…

  5. “You are the average of five people you interact with closely.”
    Perhaps a little refined phrase, but it clearly reflects the idea that the environment really affects us very much. Just choose smart, interesting, sincere friends and avoid assholes. Communicating with someone just because you need to communicate with someone is a completely wrong strategy. In the end, a person should not be bored alone with himself.

  6. Yes, that's right, especially if you understand that your environment REALLY pulls you down, you don't develop in any way, but only become stupid. �The late VOS has a good статья article�on the topic “How to be alone”, which contains many alternatives to hangouts and meaningless conversations in the company.

  7. Of course, you need to cut off sharp knives with people who bring you pain and frustration. Limiting all useless connections that drag you to the bottom, but at the same time staying alone temporarily will be the right decision.

    Soon you will find a new environment that you are more worthy of.

  8. Don't even hesitate! It will all be smooth in the end lonesome as soon as you start trying to go up. People like prvilo are starting to hate those “cowboys” who are going to jump out of the swamp, but it will be even worse when you are still being reproached and reproached for something, and so on.

    And the fact that now you will be left alone – there is no other way, so it is necessary in order to grow a little new connections and acquaintances. You'll have to be patient, but it's worth it.

  9. It's just as right as letting yourself get off the ground if you want to soar in the sky. It all depends on your goals. For each goal, there are appropriate conditions for its implementation. It's impossible to make an amlet without breaking the eggs.

  10. First, the situation itself is already a sign that a person is not all right with building connections in society. If you remove all the connections that pull to the bottom, and remain completely alone, then it turns out that a person simply did not have positive, developing connections. How can this be the case for an adequate, psychologically healthy person?!
    If all the social contacts of a person are reduced to communicating with negative personalities who negatively affect him, then here it is necessary to seriously understand the specialists and probably save the person. Well, if the essence of the issue, then of course such communication (pulling to the bottom) should be abandoned, it will not lead to anything good.

  11. It's very individual. Schopenhauer says that it is normal, our Russian psychologist Litvak echoes him: clean up the environment, remove unnecessary ones. And there is a reason in their words. Unnecessary, unpromising connections take up time and attention/energy.But you can never predict what the breakup will turn out to be.

    I think it is better to maintain a minimum trusting relationship with everyone.Keep them out of your life, but don't be a snob, don't ignore them. Often the word “hello” and a nod are more than enough

    Complete solitude is highly discouraged. A good option is to emulate friendly relations. Well, having a few friends is also good. Only real friends , in my experience, there can't be more than 3-4 of them. Other people are not needed, but it is important to establish good relationships with them. For selfishness is the highest form of altruism.

    You can not be left alone in any case, because what will happen to your roof is unknown. Maybe nothing will happen, but why take the risk.

  12. If you feel threatened by your development and self-improvement, then of course break these ties. And the environment will definitely appear new after a while

  13. It is correct to communicate with those with whom you feel comfortable and there are no encumbrances. You need to be able to forget the others, because they're not your people, that's all.

  14. Or maybe you're the lifebuoy that will pull both of them to dry land?in your happy future, where will you be rewarded??and you will hate yourself in the future just because you could allow this thought to come to you!!!?извините(sorry for being rude!)))

  15. I think so. This will be the first step to start with a clean slate, a start for new beginnings and possibly meeting new people. Do not be afraid to be alone with yourself – this will help you understand a lot.

  16. No. A person is a social being, communication is a necessary function for him. In addition, communication is an exchange of thoughts, and this helps a person, not hinders him. Therefore, you can not refuse to communicate.

    Another thing is that you can and should choose communication. After all, as Sartre said, ” Hell is others.” This means that a person can fully realize their essence only through communication, through Another. Hence the requirement to choose such “others” that will allow this essence to be revealed. Learn more about Sartre hereWhat made Sartre sick?

  17. The process of” growth ” of a person includes a change in the social circle. As a social phenomenon, this is quite normal. If your current friends stop at any of the stages of “growth” or, on the contrary, step over your level, it is better to try to get in more contact with those who “went higher”. Their or your out-of-the-box thinking will help you achieve your goals in life. In part, sometimes you should even limit communication even with close relatives, if you feel that they negatively affect you. Sometimes it is not noticeable, but after you are left alone in the room and with a clear head analyze everything that was in your life and come to certain conclusions weighing all the positive and negative moments, you will understand who was the cause of certain consequences in your life. And do not listen to those who say that everything depends on you and you direct yourself along one of the paths, this rule applies only if you are already protected from the influence of people close to you.

  18. If these connections prevent you from living and developing.Then it is better to stay alone to think and figure out for yourself how much they are needed and how much you will be better or worse off without them.In any case, you will have to make a choice

  19. There is a great saying about this.

    It is better to lose with a smart one than to find with a bad one.

    It is better to pull some weight forward alone than to go with people who will drag this weight in the wrong direction.

  20. It is useful to remove “extra” people from your life . Leave a couple of close friends, and disable the rest. You will immediately see how much time there will be for development.�

    For a long time, I was grasping at subtle connections with people who were good acquaintances. Alas, they cannot support and insure, and often interfere with plans for their own benefit. Roughly speaking, acquaintances for going to the pub. How do I detect them? Find out when a friend has a lot of plans for the day – will they cancel them for you?�

    In fact, this also applies to activities: games, beer, travel. Rest rarely, but accurately, and not often and uninterestingly.

    With the help of “cleaning” , you will free up time for the necessary things, but you will spend your free minutes on valuable people.

  21. This is done by natural selection. More accurately. when you lose everything for one reason or another, the people who wanted to get something from you leave you by themselves. In reality, we mostly communicate in a mutually beneficial context. Therefore, when you can't physically give anything, then you are practically no longer needed by anyone. And you don't really need people who think you're a friend only when you're doing well. There is a lot of free time. So being alone is a blessing under certain circumstances.

  22. Absolutely, yes. Garbage people will not let you feel the taste of life, their fake smiles will kill any potential and strength for anything in you.

  23. And try to replace these connections with useful ones that are drawn to a bright future.
    Loneliness is not a choice, but a state.

    One hundred and forty characters and a little more.

  24. I don't understand the degree of your dependence on these people, the degree of influence, and your status ( friend, brother, boss). The answer depends on it all. But my general answer is that you should. I gave up on people I considered friends after they openly demotivated me and did not support my aspirations to do something different. For example , I once knew almost no English, but I wanted to start learning it seriously and one “friend” told me that I always give up everything halfway, that nothing will work out and that I don't need it. And earlier we talked a lot of time, were on the same wavelength. Now I avoid such people. But that's not really the way out. You need to learn to be more thick-skinned and invulnerable: do not talk too much about yourself, do not complain, do not whine, do not share plans ( at least until a tangible result), do not be too kind and always refuse if you do not want to do something. Become more independent. And then it will be like this – �all freeloaders and moral bloodsuckers will dump themselves, they will call only when something is needed, and then they will stop altogether.�

    Bottom line: you are independent, have more time and less stress. But more lonely. Often there is a lack of moral support and those with whom you can share the good moments of life, who will be happy for you and will not be envious. Such people should be protected.

    p. s. And I took up English seriously, which allowed me to communicate well when traveling. And this friend is sitting at home, drinking beer and never left the city. He has a different vision of happiness.

  25. Definitely, yes. It is the society that you build around yourself that shapes you. Once upon a time I read an article where some young and successful people gave their interview, and one of them said a wonderful and simple phrase, but very vital, “If there are degenerates around you, then you are a degenerate.”

    Do not be afraid to burn bridges that you no longer need, because they will light your way to others.) And as another speaker correctly pointed out, you are unlikely to be completely alone, there will always be new people around.

  26. the answer is “yes”, simply because your environment shapes you completely and everyone knows about it. and if you see that there are people around you who have limited thinking and you spend time just to pass it, then you should think about your social circle. well, you know, if you hang around in a crowd of entrepreneurs and businessmen, the probability of becoming the same increases to 80%. this is experience, thinking and completely different attitudes.

  27. There's nothing wrong with being alone. It's better to be alone than to be with just anyone. Moreover, people almost never stay single in the full sense of the word. Almost always there are relatives, there are people with whom communication has faded, but it can be revived. You can also find friends based on your interests, or try to establish friendships at work or school. The main thing is to choose the right people)

  28. Definitely. A person, in principle, can quite well exist independently.�

    Besides, who told you that you were guaranteed to be alone? By limiting useless connections, you will soon get bored, as you will be left without the usual social circle and start looking for a new one. And where there are new acquaintances , there are also new opportunities. Get active! Even if it will be skydiving, diving or ropejumping, you will somehow find a new social circle of interests, the main thing is not to stand still and get out of this very “bottom”.

  29. Yes, because while you are at the bottom , you will not meet people from a “higher level”. And when you cut off those who pull you to the bottom and go higher yourself, you meet other people there, but you meet them for other, more “high” interests.
    Loneliness can only come at a level of development where it doesn't seem like something terrible.

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